More Goodbyes

Every year seems to have a theme. Last year was teenage challenges. 2024 seems to be about saying goodbyes too early. We went to Texas for a few days of our Spring Break. We were having so much fun that, on the way home, we discussed taking a detour and extending our vacation. I'm glad we decided against it. When we got home we noticed that our sweet princess, Fetcha, was acting off. She was drinking a TON of water. As the night progressed she started getting worse. But, if you know Fetcha, you know she's been a fighter since the day she adopted us about 10 years ago. She left an abusive house to come to ours. She was hit by a car shortly after she adopted us and lived to tell the story. She has dealt with arthritis from that accident but didn't let it slow her down.

But at 4am on March 13, P woke me up in a panic telling me that Fetcha's breathing was off. She has been his dog from Day 1 and he had been up with her most of the night, comforting her and assuring her that we would take her to the vet as soon as they opened. However, she didn't live long enough for that to happen. Shortly after I got to her she had a seizure. As P and I petted her and reminisced about various memories with her, telling her she was about as perfect of a dog as we could've had and that she was so loved, she took her last breath and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. 

She had been in our lives for 10 years and we deducted that she was 13-14 years old when she passed away. For 10 years we loved her and gave her the best life possible. We laughed that she was more like a cat than a dog. She kept to herself unless she wanted a slice of cheese while I was cooking. At our old house, her favorite place was the picture window, where she would lie for hours, watching the boys play in the front yard. She would go lay on the bathroom mat every night and put herself in her crate promptly at 8pm every night. You could set your clocks to her. She didn't tolerate many other dogs but loved her brother, Rebel, no matter how much he annoyed her. 

Rebel has really grieved since Fetch passed away. We have taken him on more walks, have let him go with us whenever possible in the car (his favorite past time) and have spoiled him with Pup Cups from local coffee venues. But he was not meant to be alone. We're discussing getting another dog because we are a 2 dog family and because Rebel really misses having a sibling. We would never replace Fetcha and I don't know how we could even if we wanted to. She was close to perfect for us and was about the most low maintenance dog ever. She is missed daily, especially by her boy. But I am so glad that we got to love her for the past 10 years! Rest in peace, our princess. You are missed.

Travels

I do a lot of things wrong as a parent, but the two things I feel I excel at are making God a priority in our lives and making priceless memories as a family. The first one is pretty self explanatory: go to church regularly, pray, teach them scripture, tithing (where they witness it). 

But the second one is two-fold: I love to travel and explore new places. I want the boys to experience new towns, new states, new fishing lakes, new universities, etc so when they become adults and move out they have an idea of what is out there. We have been blessed to show them more states under the age of 16 than most adults have seen in their entire life. I want the boys to make an educated decision about what place best suits them to pursue their dreams. I don't want to hold them back or limit them!

The other reason I want to create priceless memories with them is because when Rob and I pass away that is what they'll think about most. Yes, we hope they'll wisely use their inheritance to better their lives. But, the memories will last so much longer! I often think back on the memories of my Nana and Papa, what fun we had together. They didn't have an excess of money (My Papa was a preacher and my Nana was a SAHM.). But they made the most of our time together by taking us to the beach, driving around their little town, getting donuts at a local diner, hitting the after holiday sales (still one of my favorite things to do), going to my Papa's church where he played the guitar and piano for hours. When our boys are grown, I want them to say, "Remember when we...." or "Wasn't that so much fun when....." or "That was one of my favorite memories together." To me, every dollar spent on these memories is worth it. I want the boys to have the best childhood we can possibly give them!

The other night, E said, "Mom, why don't you ever sleep? Don't you get tired?" I didn't know how to explain to him that I am exhausted almost every day of my life but that I wouldn't trade it for anything. I absolutely love being a mom to these two boys of ours (even when they bicker and drive me crazy). It is a blessing to spend time with them. A blessing to drive them all over town to get to their activities. A blessing to spend my "breaks" going golfing or taking roadtrips or going to eat at our favorite restaurants or going fishing or tossing the ball in the front yard with them. I try to lead by example and instill in them the importance of my time spent with them. So that when they are grown and have a family of their own, they can be hands-on parents as well.

Goodbyes

 In the South, they say if you eat cabbage and black-eyed peas on New Years Day it will bring money and good luck. I don't believe it. We are 11 days into the new year and 2024 isn't feeling very "lucky". (I know, Dad, that you don't believe in luck but just go with me for the sake of this blog.)

I'm sure no one truly likes funerals, but I avoid them at all cost. That's how much I despise them. But, despite despising them, I've been to some over the years. At my Papa's funeral, I remember walking to the church before his memorial and having a "quiet moment" (or 30) of grief in solitude. Then I don't remember much from his memorial because I shut down. I remember person after person coming up to me saying, "I'm sorry....." to the point that I wanted to scream if one more person apologized for me losing one of my all time favorite people in the world. To this day, I don't say "I'm sorry" to someone who has lost a loved one because of my Papa's funeral. As sad as it sounds, I don't remember any details from my Nana's funeral. I was with her when she took her last breath and I remember seeing a double rainbow right afterwards. I remember thinking that was the first time I had seen a double rainbow and it confirmed to me that my grandparents had been reunited. After that I don't remember anything. What I do remember is my last Thanksgiving with my Nana when it was just me and her and what a special time that was for us. I remember spending countless hours on the beach with her, looking for agates. I remember so much about the special times with my Nana and Papa that I guess it's not important that I don't remember their memorials.

Over the past 16 years, since my Nana passed away, I've avoided funerals. If I've had to attend one, I have gone through the motions with little emotion. Until 7 months ago when we buried a sweet boy from our school. I didn't know him well, but he had a big personality that everyone loved. I cried at his funeral. It's the first time I had cried at a funeral since my Nana's funeral. But today I went to a funeral that just about wrecked me. Today we honored the life of one of my precious 6th graders from last year. She died very unexpectedly and I have been grieving the loss of her life all week. Today at her funeral I was an absolute basketcase and I honestly don't know what I would've done if Rob had not been there. I have never been that broken at a funeral. I couldn't even look at the casket with that sweet girl's body inside because it was too much for me to handle. Instead, I buried my head in Rob's chest and sobbed uncontrollably. After the service, I held several of my students- past and present- in my arms while they sobbed. I have never had to bury a student I was close with and I pray that I never have to do it again. It was beyond awful!

Hopefully, the memories of her funeral will fade like they did with my grandparents' services and all I will remember are the good times with Corley. Even while I was getting ready this morning, I heard her voice say, "Mrs. Herrington, why don't you straighten your hair? I like it straight." During the service I got lost in the picture displayed of her on the screen and for a second I could hear her chomping the ice that was in the cup she was holding in the picture because she was always chomping on ice in my class. This evening I heard a sound and I thought of her infectious laugh. 

Corley was larger than life. She had more confidence at 12 than I probably have had in my whole life. She truly lived like no one was watching. She was loud and boisterous. She was giving and thoughtful. She LOVED bright colors and sparkles and dressing up. She was a friend to everyone. I sure am going to miss Corley Ann and I can't wait to be reunited with her in heaven someday, where she can teach me to love dancing and singing as much as she did.

Traditions, Birthday Fun and Loss

 I'll preface this by saying that I'm heartbroken as I write this so this may not be as cheerful as I'd want it to be. 

Traditions are important to me. I love our holiday traditions, starting at Thanksgiving when our elf on the shelf appears. He brings a lot of joy...and mischief....until Christmas Eve, when he goes back to the North Pole for the year. A few years ago the boys and I tried to accomplish 25 days of kind acts leading up to Christmas. We weren't 100% successful but one thing that we did, that the boys still enjoy doing, is "candy cane bombing" cars. Essentially, they put a candy cane on car doors in the parking lot. Then we sit and watch a few people come to their car, often smiling when they see the candy cane. On Christmas Eve we typically go to a service and then go look at Christmas lights. This year we didn't look at lights because I was in a funk and the boys said they don't like looking at lights anymore. But we still baked cookies for Santa and a birthday cake for Jesus. 

On Christmas morning we woke up early to open gifts then enjoyed brunch at my brother in law's house. Later that afternoon, my in-laws came over for dinner. It was a pretty low-key Christmas, which was just what I needed. The day after Christmas, P and I woke up not feeling well. I'm 99% sure mine was a sinus infection and we found out that P's was just a viral infection. But we spent about 5 days sleeping and watching football. We didn't get off the couch much. It was glorious...except the sick part.

Thankfully we were feeling better in time to celebrate E's birthday. He wanted to go bowling and then grill burgers and have fruit salad. For the first time in years, he wanted to have a big birthday party. So we didn't do much on his actual birthday.

Our Christmas break has been really low-key except for getting new floors. We had 2 days of "chaos" because of it, but it was well worth it! I am in love with our new floors and it made me realize how bad our old floors truly were.

Today has been hard, despite it being E's big birthday party. Shortly after waking up, I got word that one of my sweet students from last year died unexpectedly last night. It took me by surprise and absolutely broke my heart! She and I got close last Christmas because her little brother and E are good friends. She gave the best hugs and her smile was infectious. The only time I saw her being "down" was when she didn't get picked for the middle school cheerleading squad. But, in true Corley nature, she put her friends first and was excited for them. I was thrilled when she made the middle school dance team! She was always so positive and gave the best hugs. Today I had a splitting headache from trying to hold it together for E's birthday. I didn't want him to know about Corley until after his party. Thankfully I accomplished my goal and he had a lot of fun, despite the cold temperatures. He improvised on games because no one really wanted to go outside, but no one seemed to mind.

It's been a long day and I'm ready for bed. Tomorrow is the last day I get to relax before going back to work. I'm thankful for the time I've had with the boys and our restful break. 

Sweet Corley Ann....a beautiful life cut too short

Oh, Life!

I don't know if I'm in a lull with this blog or over it. But, as you can tell, I haven't blogged in months. Not because I don't have anything to blog about but because I don't know what I want to say.

We are well into the school year and it's been yet another busy one. P did well with his XC season and has colleges recruiting him. He is on the Bass Fishing team with a new partner and, while both of them are decent anglers, they have yet to catch any fish during their Fall tournaments. He is getting used to high school, but I don't know how different it is since his middle school was in the same building. I can say that we will ALL be celebrating when he graduates high school in a few years and this chapter is behind us! Not because I want him grown up and out of the house, but because this is such an awkward phase in life. I feel like I'm reliving high school all over again and my own insecurities from my teenage years have resurfaced.

E is on a new baseball team and is gelling with his teammates. Even though they are a new team, they went to the semi-finals every tournament and even came in 2nd place for one of the tournaments! Fall Ball was a little more than I anticipated, but it's fun to see his self-confidence back in full force. He eats, breathes and sleeps baseball. He is doing well in school and has adjusted well to having 3 teachers opposed to 1.

We have not had more than one relaxing weekend since school began. This week we were in Nashville for the first part of the week. I thought that we'd relax once we got home but that has not happened. Actually, that is not true. Thanksgiving was the most relaxing day we've had in awhile. Other than a fairly quick lunch at Rob's cousin's house, we laid low around our house. It was glorious!

There's so many more gaps to fill in from the past few months, but this time change is still messing with me and I am tired. So, goodnight y'all. Maybe it won't take me so long to blog again. But then again, maybe it will....

Oh, What a Summer!

This Summer has been one for the books! It's one that I want to remember forever. Although we did A LOT of fun stuff, it was the first Summer since the boys were little that they got along more like friends than brothers. Did they have their moments? Of course. But, 95% of the time they got along and it was absolutely GLORIOUS! 

The icing on the cake was all of the things we did. We started the Summer by fishing the MS River and taking my brother in law's new-to-him boat out to go tubing. The week that followed was busy because we cheered on our school's baseball team when they made school history by advancing to the state championship series. P and I left the game to drive to Alabama to meet up with one of my closest college friends and her sweet parents for dinner. Then Rob and I escaped for a few days to the beach, just the two of us, before the boys joined us. The following weekend was bittersweet because it was Keigan's funeral and then a fishing tournament that we put together to help Keigan's and Lou's families with medical expenses incurred from their ATV accident. Father's Day weekend was the only weekend we really laid low and that's because it stormed all weekend. Rob worked crazy long hours, but we did get to celebrate him on Father's Day. One of my favorite things of the Summer was the following weekend when we went to Uncle Fred's farm. I have grown to enjoy fishing, but it's not my most favorite thing in the world to do. However, that weekend was, hands down, the most fun I've ever had fishing. E, Rob and I got up early to go out on the lake. And, boy, was it worth it! Every time E or I casted our lines we were catching bass. We were laughing so hard because I refuse to touch the fish, but he was struggling to deal with all the fish he and I were bringing in. Within a couple hours, we had caught about 40 bass! Needless to say, we had a fish fry while we were at the farm. A few days after getting back from the farm, the boys and I made a day trip to Denham. We spent time with friends that we hadn't seen in almost a year and P got to go to Youth Group, which he loved. The last weekend of the month was spent celebrating P's bday with a "surprise" trip to watch the Atlanta Braves play. I had tried so hard to keep it a secret but the boys looked through my phone the day before the game and saw the tickets. Despite it not being much of a surprise, we still had a lot of fun watching Warren Zeiders before the game and then watching the Braves dominate the game with several home runs. 

July was pretty much spent in Cali, visiting family and friends. We did spend the first Saturday of the month tubing, grilling on the boat and watching fireworks. We also celebrated P's birthday by fishing and going to his favorite restaurant for dinner. After that we flew to Cali, where we fished some more (Are you seeing a theme for this Summer?). We also got to spend time with my brother and his family at Great Wolf Lodge. And I LOVED spending a day at my favorite place....the mountains! But, hands down, my favorite part of our time there was surprising my parents with a belated 50th anniversary dinner with family and a few close friends. Last Fall I had planned on surprising my parents by flying to SD to help them celebrate their special anniversary. But, due to unforeseen circumstance, they had to cancel their trip as did we. So, my brother, SIL and I planned an intimate dinner at my parents' favorite restaurant. It was so much fun to, not only see them surprised, but see people lovingly celebrate them.

We got back home a few days ago and now reality is setting in. I am fast and furiously trying to finish up some big house projects that have taken longer than anticipated. Have you ever peeled wallpaper? Oh the joys! (It makes me rethink the newest fad of adding wallpaper to rooms to add flair.) I have also been working in my classroom, getting ready for the new school year, while trying to catch up on things at the house and squeeze in a last few fun times with the boys. I can't remember the last time a Summer flew by as fast as this one did! I am looking forward to the slower pace that Fall can bring, but I'm not quite ready to end this awesome Summer. Like I said, it was one of the best!

Almost 14!

 To Our Oldest Son,

Tomorrow you will turn 14. Next year's birthday will bring your driving permit and the following year your driver's license. 4 birthdays from now you'll be off to school to become a game warden OR to fish the Elite Series, on your way to becoming a professional angler. But, it seems like just yesterday that I was holding you in the hospital, in awe of your little newborn fingers and toes.

They say you don't truly know what love is until you have kids and I believe that to be true. We've had an undeniable bond ever since you were born and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. Your birth was so easy, but when you got so sick as a newborn, I quickly learned how strong and resilient you were.

I see that same strength and resilience today. Sometimes I feel that you take backseat to your brother's athletic talent and quick wit. You get the brunt of things sometimes. Yet you grin and bear it and move on, while I overcompensate. I do that because I don't want you to ever see yourself as less than anybody else. You have SO much going for you!

You absolutely amaze me with your wealth of information. Whether it be sports stats, fishing lure action or historical war facts, you have a memory that I am incredibly envious of! I tell you all the time that you could be a sports commentator and I mean it. You know more than most adults do about almost every sport.

God blessed you with a beautiful singing voice and musical ability (and ability to remember the correct lyrics...unlike your mom and little brother). I love sitting next to you in church and listening to you sing the worship songs/hymns. But when you pull out your guitar to play and sing...be still my heart! You could easily make it in the music industry (although I pray that that isn't something you do because it can be an ugly world).

Your ability to fish the way you do has me in awe. From what I've heard, it's hard to go to new fishing spots and catch fish, yet you make it look easy. You spend all your extra money on lures and rods/reels. But the way you research them and then use them to catch fish is so cool to me. Yes, I do get tired of hearing about them or watching lure "action" but it's because that's not my thing. It'd be like me talking to you about the romance novels I read. You would be bored. But that doesn't mean I don't find the way you use all this information to follow your passion extremely interesting because I do.

You're at a quirky age. I get it. At times I see the little boy in you come out in your silly ways. At other times I see you working toward adulthood when you'd rather surround yourself with older people instead of people your own age. You're starting to find your way in this big world. You're talking more about your future goals and adulthood. You're starting to mature in the way you handle difficult situations. While all of this makes me incredibly happy, a part of me is sad because it means you're growing up.

I have loved all stages on your life, watching you grow and learn. But I really like this current stage. I love watching you become a gentleman (Buying me flowers with your own money the other day at Kroger is something I hope I remember forever because it meant the world to me!), learning to put others first. I love your sarcastic sense of humor that I so easily relate to because I have the same off-kilter humor. I love how passionate you are about so many things. I love how protective you are of your dogs, checking on them every night before you go to bed to make sure they're both ok. I love that you are such an awesome big brother, teaching E things and watching out for him. I love that you still enjoy cuddling with me and that you talk to me more than the average teenage boy talks to his mom about so many different things. I don't take for granted how open you are with me.

Kid, you're going to make it in this world! You'll have bumps and bruises along the way, but you have everything it takes to make it. I pray daily that you'll live a life that is pleasing to God and that you will grow closer to Him even when the circumstances aren't ideal for growth. You do that and you'll go far in life!

I am so very proud of you, the kid that you were and the man you are becoming. I love you with every ounce of my being and hope I show that to you every day (even though you're the one who is so quick with "I love you Mama".) You are so, so incredibly special and one of a kind. God hit it out of the park when He created you and please know that you have blessed so many people with your 14 years here on Earth. You are loved beyond measure! Thank you for giving me my most important job title in life...Mom. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,

Mom (aka Mama, Bruh)