Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Insecurities
The older I get the more secure I become. I know my flaws and weaknesses, but I also know my strengths. I'm also convinced that once you become a parent your insecurities come out in the form of your kids. I see a lot of me in my oldest and sometimes that scares me. Because I know how it is to always ask others to do things but to be the one who doesn't get invited to things. Because I know how it is to try to make someone's birthday special only to have yours forgotten or overlooked. Because I know how it is to listen to someone and then when I start to talk the person talks over me or ends the conversation. A couple weeks ago I was talking to someone and during the entire conversation she was looking at her friend who was standing behind me. I knew that she didn't want to be talking to me, that she'd rather be consoling her crying friend (even though her friend was surrounded by people giving her hugs). I see that same thing happen with P. His friends talking to him but looking around to see if there is someone else to play with. In fact I've seen all the above scenerios take place with P and it makes the "Mama Bear" in me come out. Not because he can't handle the situation himself or because his feelings are hurt but because my insecurities are coming out. I know how it feels and I want to spare him from that pain and/or humiliation. But then I have to take a step back and realize that that's life. He has to learn how to navigate through those situations in life because the way he deals with them may be way better than how I've dealt with it in the past. Despite becoming more secure in who I am I'll always have my securities. What I've learned is that EVERYONE has insecurities, no matter how confident they appear to be. That's life and all the "Mama Bears" in the world aren't going to be able to fix that. So I will sit back, pray and give guidance when needed because that's what parenting is all about....and I'll try to stuff my insecurities back down so they don't rear their ugly head.
Friday, October 23, 2015
Lessons From a Runner
When my friend asked if I wanted to run a 1/2 marathon with her in December I reluctantly agreed. And between you and me the only true reasons I did it is because I knew I'd never make the gym a priority to lose the last of my baby weight that I've carried around for 3 years AND because I wanted to prove to myself that I could run 13.1 miles at 40 years old. Dumb reasons, maybe, but it's gotten me off my butt. So, as race day draws near and my runs get longer, here are some things I've learned...
1. I am NOT a morning runner. I loathe running in the morning. I run about 15-30 secs slower per minute than I do during afternoon/evening runs, which really adds up after a few miles.
2. I love my "ME" time but I do not in any, way, shape or form consider a 1 1/2hr run "ME" time. It is not relaxing to watch out for dogs, cars and weird people. Nor is it relaxing when you're trying to monitor your breathing, worrying about the aches and pains or thinking about how much further you have to run before you can put an end to this madness.
3. Speaking of pain, I am not a pretty runner (nor am I a pretty crier). My runs are not pretty in the beginning because my shins hurt SO bad. So I run like those old lady power walkers. You know the kind that are stiff as a board with arms swinging wildly at their sides? Yeah, that's me. At the end of my run it's not pretty because my face looks like a tomato that's been doused with a bucket of water. Some people are pretty runners. I am not.
4. I can gauge how far I've run without looking at my app. The first 1 1/2 miles cause major shin pain. Once my shins stop hurting and I look like a normal runner I know I've gotten past the first mile and a half. By Mile 4 my left toes have gone numb. Mile 6 is when I want to lay down in the fetal position and go to sleep. At Mile 9 I'm yelling "I've got this. Rocky Balboa has nothing on me." OK, I don't really yell that because then I'd be one of the weird people I keep an eye out for but you get the point. I haven't gotten past 9.5 miles yet but I'm guessing I'll be in tears by Mile 13. Stay tuned for that one.
5. Everyone has their own genre of music that motivates them. When I'm running I want a rated PG Eminem Pandora station. But, since that doesn't exist, I get my groove on to 80s music and the Vanilla Ice Station. You know when I'm listening to a good song because I may have a little dance/run thing going on.
6. Once my run is done I try not to sit down for at least a half hour. My knees, lower back and hips hurt making sitting down painful. I've gone from a 40 yr old to an 80yr old and it ain't pretty!
7. I run better on an open road than on the treadmill. When people are watching me I feel like I have to prove myself so I push myself when I hear a car or see a walker.
8. I feel safer with my pepper spray than our Big Lug. With our dog, I'm worried that he's going to trip me (more because I'm clumsy than because of him). I also worry that he'll attract other dogs and that's what I'm trying to avoid.
9. My boys are my biggest motivators. When I am running around our neighborhood or at the park and they're there I feel invincible. They yell words of encouragement or give me High 5s and I feel like I could run forever.
10. You have to change your eating habits to lose weight, even when you're running 20 miles a week. Single handedly eating a loaf of homemade chocolate chip banana bread still counts as bad, despite a 5 mile run. (Not that I've done that. I'm just giving you an example.)
The biggest lesson I've learned???? I can do it! I start runs thinking that I won't be able to run as far or as fast as last time but every time I prove myself wrong. Despite my aches and pains and head games I complete my goal every week. So bring it Beach Half! I'm ready for ya....I think.
1. I am NOT a morning runner. I loathe running in the morning. I run about 15-30 secs slower per minute than I do during afternoon/evening runs, which really adds up after a few miles.
2. I love my "ME" time but I do not in any, way, shape or form consider a 1 1/2hr run "ME" time. It is not relaxing to watch out for dogs, cars and weird people. Nor is it relaxing when you're trying to monitor your breathing, worrying about the aches and pains or thinking about how much further you have to run before you can put an end to this madness.
3. Speaking of pain, I am not a pretty runner (nor am I a pretty crier). My runs are not pretty in the beginning because my shins hurt SO bad. So I run like those old lady power walkers. You know the kind that are stiff as a board with arms swinging wildly at their sides? Yeah, that's me. At the end of my run it's not pretty because my face looks like a tomato that's been doused with a bucket of water. Some people are pretty runners. I am not.
4. I can gauge how far I've run without looking at my app. The first 1 1/2 miles cause major shin pain. Once my shins stop hurting and I look like a normal runner I know I've gotten past the first mile and a half. By Mile 4 my left toes have gone numb. Mile 6 is when I want to lay down in the fetal position and go to sleep. At Mile 9 I'm yelling "I've got this. Rocky Balboa has nothing on me." OK, I don't really yell that because then I'd be one of the weird people I keep an eye out for but you get the point. I haven't gotten past 9.5 miles yet but I'm guessing I'll be in tears by Mile 13. Stay tuned for that one.
5. Everyone has their own genre of music that motivates them. When I'm running I want a rated PG Eminem Pandora station. But, since that doesn't exist, I get my groove on to 80s music and the Vanilla Ice Station. You know when I'm listening to a good song because I may have a little dance/run thing going on.
6. Once my run is done I try not to sit down for at least a half hour. My knees, lower back and hips hurt making sitting down painful. I've gone from a 40 yr old to an 80yr old and it ain't pretty!
7. I run better on an open road than on the treadmill. When people are watching me I feel like I have to prove myself so I push myself when I hear a car or see a walker.
8. I feel safer with my pepper spray than our Big Lug. With our dog, I'm worried that he's going to trip me (more because I'm clumsy than because of him). I also worry that he'll attract other dogs and that's what I'm trying to avoid.
9. My boys are my biggest motivators. When I am running around our neighborhood or at the park and they're there I feel invincible. They yell words of encouragement or give me High 5s and I feel like I could run forever.
10. You have to change your eating habits to lose weight, even when you're running 20 miles a week. Single handedly eating a loaf of homemade chocolate chip banana bread still counts as bad, despite a 5 mile run. (Not that I've done that. I'm just giving you an example.)
The biggest lesson I've learned???? I can do it! I start runs thinking that I won't be able to run as far or as fast as last time but every time I prove myself wrong. Despite my aches and pains and head games I complete my goal every week. So bring it Beach Half! I'm ready for ya....I think.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Football Fanatic
I was resigned to the fact that P wasn't going to be our athlete. We had tried soccer, t-ball and basketball all to no avail (He actually liked basketball but it was only a 4 day Summer camp). That is until football. The season started like any other.....he liked the social aspect and the concept of playing the sport but really couldn't excel in catching, throwing or getting in their to pull flags for "tackles". Rob has diligently been practicing with him every day and P now lives, eats and breathes football. Last night I got to witness the fruits of his labor!! He got 2 "tackles", got a pass and was involved in every play. In fact, he was doing so well that he only got pulled out for a couple minutes and he played more than any other player! I was so proud of him, not because he was the star last night, but because he gave it 110% during every play. He has come so far in such a short time and is really becoming quite the football player!!
(These pics were from his first game where he was more of a "cheerleader" than a player. I'll take my camera to another game to get more active pictures.)
(These pics were from his first game where he was more of a "cheerleader" than a player. I'll take my camera to another game to get more active pictures.)
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Over the Hill
I can remember my mom's surprise 40th birthday party my dad threw her....complete with a "new" car and "Over the Hill" everything. The house was full of all our family friends and I felt like my mom was the oldest lady around (no offense mom!).
But that's before I was 40....with a 2 year old! Now I realize how young 40 really is. I knew I wouldn't have any big parties because my/our friendships here are so much different than back home. But I also knew I wasn't going to have a hard time with this birthday like I did last year. Last October Rob told me we could go anywhere I wanted and I spent most of the weekend crying over it being my last year in my 30's. This year I had a different attitude and we enjoyed a family weekend together. Although we crammed a lot of fun things into the weekend, my 2 favorite things were watching my boys at the zoo and going to the Bass Pro Pyramid. The "Pyramid" was quite by accident because we passed it when we were going over the bridge to Arkansas (I wanted to mark off another state that the boys and I had been to even though we didn't even get out of the car). The store was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and I highly recommend taking a trip to Memphis (even if you live in Europe) just to go to the store. It's the 6th tallest pyramid in the WORLD and Rob paid for the boys and I to go to the top so we could take in the world. OK, maybe just Memphis and Arkansas but it felt like the world. In hindsight I would've changed some of our weekend around so we could've spent several hours there. It was that cool.
I also loved the zoo. Although I'm not a big fan of enclosing wild animals in small habitats, I am a big fan of watching my boys' excitement when seeing the animals. Hands down, the funniest and scariest moment of the entire weekend, is when a mountain lion jumped up out of nowhere and came face to face with E. Thankfully the plexiglass proved solid and the lady behind me didn't have a stroke (although she claimed to pull a back muscle when she jumped and screamed). The entire family's favorite animals were the monkeys. We could've watched them all day, swinging and playing.
While it wasn't a fancy "Over the Hill" birthday, it was a special one. Although it didn't last a week or two like birthdays in the past it lasted long enough for me to feel loved. Turning 40 made me realize that it's not so bad being an old fart and most days I don't feel a day over 39. :)
But that's before I was 40....with a 2 year old! Now I realize how young 40 really is. I knew I wouldn't have any big parties because my/our friendships here are so much different than back home. But I also knew I wasn't going to have a hard time with this birthday like I did last year. Last October Rob told me we could go anywhere I wanted and I spent most of the weekend crying over it being my last year in my 30's. This year I had a different attitude and we enjoyed a family weekend together. Although we crammed a lot of fun things into the weekend, my 2 favorite things were watching my boys at the zoo and going to the Bass Pro Pyramid. The "Pyramid" was quite by accident because we passed it when we were going over the bridge to Arkansas (I wanted to mark off another state that the boys and I had been to even though we didn't even get out of the car). The store was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and I highly recommend taking a trip to Memphis (even if you live in Europe) just to go to the store. It's the 6th tallest pyramid in the WORLD and Rob paid for the boys and I to go to the top so we could take in the world. OK, maybe just Memphis and Arkansas but it felt like the world. In hindsight I would've changed some of our weekend around so we could've spent several hours there. It was that cool.
I also loved the zoo. Although I'm not a big fan of enclosing wild animals in small habitats, I am a big fan of watching my boys' excitement when seeing the animals. Hands down, the funniest and scariest moment of the entire weekend, is when a mountain lion jumped up out of nowhere and came face to face with E. Thankfully the plexiglass proved solid and the lady behind me didn't have a stroke (although she claimed to pull a back muscle when she jumped and screamed). The entire family's favorite animals were the monkeys. We could've watched them all day, swinging and playing.
While it wasn't a fancy "Over the Hill" birthday, it was a special one. Although it didn't last a week or two like birthdays in the past it lasted long enough for me to feel loved. Turning 40 made me realize that it's not so bad being an old fart and most days I don't feel a day over 39. :)
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