RAW

I've been on a blogging hiatus because I'm tired of being Debbie Downer. But, as I thought about this the past few days, I thought that maybe someone else may feel the same. Maybe this blog will touch someone else because of similar feelings. So I thought I'd right a raw blog, not to upset or offend anyone, but to be real.
I've been having a really hard time lately. I feel like I'm sloppy seconds and that people only want to hang out with me if nothing/no one better comes along. Facebook makes me cry because it reminds me of my Jr High years. In fact, I've taken a FB hiatus as well because of this. I feel I am not a priority in anyone's life lately. Maybe it's because I'm the most homesick I've ever been. I don't see Nevada through rose colored glasses and I know I struggled with this same issue with a few friends when I lived there. But it's not the same because there I had a lot of friends who made time with me a priority so it overshadowed the friends who didn't. Maybe it's because I am DREADING my upcoming birthday. There are only 2 days a year that I feel warranted in being selfish- Mother's Day and my birthday. That's in part because the other 363 days of the year are all about Rob and the boys. So I selfishly want 2 days to be about me. (Maybe that's wrong but I'm being truthful). This year that is not the case. I'd be just fine spending the day in bed, letting my birthday go by unnoticed. The only other birthday I remember feeling like this with was my 30th, the day my brother called to tell me he was going to propose to my (now) sister in law while I was painfully single at the time. But I guess it's hard to ever beat my 12th birthday, my best birthday to date, when my parents and their best friends threw me and another friend a huge surprise birthday party. I don't remember what I got for a present that year but I remember feeling like a princess when everyone yelled, "Surprise!". Maybe it's because I'm ready for Fall. Back home it's already snowed. Maybe it's not that I'm ready for Fall as much as I'm ready not to sweat profusely anymore. Back home people are building fires in their fireplaces and here I'm in shorts, running the A/C. (We do have a short break in temps this weekend and I'm thrilled!). So many reasons for feeling blah right now. Despite being in a funk, however, I do take time to reflect on the blessings in my life. My most recent one is my new job, which I will blog about soon. (Because right now I have to get to work!)
Bear with me while I muddle through these feelings. I don't need affirmation that I'm someone's priority because I know, deep down, I am. Like I said, it's a funk and I'll get over it just like everything else life throws my way. I just wanted to take a minute to share, to reflect, because someday I'll look back at this entry and know that God got me through this phase just like He does every other phase in life.