Insecurities

The older I get the more secure I become. I know my flaws and weaknesses, but I also know my strengths. I'm also convinced that once you become a parent your insecurities come out in the form of your kids. I see a lot of me in my oldest and sometimes that scares me. Because I know how it is to always ask others to do things but to be the one who doesn't get invited to things. Because I know how it is to try to make someone's birthday special only to have yours forgotten or overlooked. Because I know how it is to listen to someone and then when I start to talk the person talks over me or ends the conversation. A couple weeks ago I was talking to someone and during the entire conversation she was looking at her friend who was standing behind me. I knew that she didn't want to be talking to me, that she'd rather be consoling her crying friend (even though her friend was surrounded by people giving her hugs). I see that same thing happen with P. His friends talking to him but looking around to see if there is someone else to play with. In fact I've seen all the above scenerios take place with P and it makes the "Mama Bear" in me come out. Not because he can't handle the situation himself or because his feelings are hurt but because my insecurities are coming out. I know how it feels and I want to spare him from that pain and/or humiliation. But then I have to take a step back and realize that that's life. He has to learn how to navigate through those situations in life because the way he deals with them may be way better than how I've dealt with it in the past. Despite becoming more secure in who I am I'll always have my securities. What I've learned is that EVERYONE has insecurities, no matter how confident they appear to be. That's life and all the "Mama Bears" in the world aren't going to be able to fix that. So I will sit back, pray and give guidance when needed because that's what parenting is all about....and I'll try to stuff my insecurities back down so they don't rear their ugly head.