Insecurities

For as confident as I am in most areas, I definitely struggle with some insecurities that date back to my childhood in other areas. My brother was the one that was always good at EVERYTHING where I was mediocre at best. I couldn't play a musical instrument to save my life but yet my brother is a talented musician. I couldn't play sports no matter how hard I tried yet he was the soccer superstar. I studied for hours to scrape by with a C on a test and he wouldn't pick up a book yet ace the same test. Unfortunately those insecurities have followed me into adulthood to some extent. I question my ability to make it as a writer or photographer. People compliment me yet I take it as a grain of salt. I wish I had more confidence in my talents because I would quit teaching in a heartbeat to pursue a different career.
I can't remember ever being so anxiety ridden about a new school year! Nothing about this year is going as planned so far, which only adds to my stress. Without going into detail, let me just say that this is not my dream job by a long shot. I did apply to 7 other schools in the district just so I wouldn't be put in this situation but nothing panned out for one reason or another. After having a lengthy conversation with my new teaching partner, I tried retail therapy earlier this afternoon and it did calm my nerves....until I left the store. Rob, P and I took the dogs to the lake across the highway and while I was there I was in a peaceful state of mind. But, once again, as soon as I left I got knots in my stomach and a headache brewing. I'll be lucky if I get any sleep tonight but that's common the day before school starts. Hopefully tomorrow night I'll be able to blog that the day was 1000% better than I imagined....hopefully!


Here are a few pics from our time at the lake. The boys went swimming to cool off but I enjoyed sitting on the beach, taking pics and reading.