Goodbyes

 In the South, they say if you eat cabbage and black-eyed peas on New Years Day it will bring money and good luck. I don't believe it. We are 11 days into the new year and 2024 isn't feeling very "lucky". (I know, Dad, that you don't believe in luck but just go with me for the sake of this blog.)

I'm sure no one truly likes funerals, but I avoid them at all cost. That's how much I despise them. But, despite despising them, I've been to some over the years. At my Papa's funeral, I remember walking to the church before his memorial and having a "quiet moment" (or 30) of grief in solitude. Then I don't remember much from his memorial because I shut down. I remember person after person coming up to me saying, "I'm sorry....." to the point that I wanted to scream if one more person apologized for me losing one of my all time favorite people in the world. To this day, I don't say "I'm sorry" to someone who has lost a loved one because of my Papa's funeral. As sad as it sounds, I don't remember any details from my Nana's funeral. I was with her when she took her last breath and I remember seeing a double rainbow right afterwards. I remember thinking that was the first time I had seen a double rainbow and it confirmed to me that my grandparents had been reunited. After that I don't remember anything. What I do remember is my last Thanksgiving with my Nana when it was just me and her and what a special time that was for us. I remember spending countless hours on the beach with her, looking for agates. I remember so much about the special times with my Nana and Papa that I guess it's not important that I don't remember their memorials.

Over the past 16 years, since my Nana passed away, I've avoided funerals. If I've had to attend one, I have gone through the motions with little emotion. Until 7 months ago when we buried a sweet boy from our school. I didn't know him well, but he had a big personality that everyone loved. I cried at his funeral. It's the first time I had cried at a funeral since my Nana's funeral. But today I went to a funeral that just about wrecked me. Today we honored the life of one of my precious 6th graders from last year. She died very unexpectedly and I have been grieving the loss of her life all week. Today at her funeral I was an absolute basketcase and I honestly don't know what I would've done if Rob had not been there. I have never been that broken at a funeral. I couldn't even look at the casket with that sweet girl's body inside because it was too much for me to handle. Instead, I buried my head in Rob's chest and sobbed uncontrollably. After the service, I held several of my students- past and present- in my arms while they sobbed. I have never had to bury a student I was close with and I pray that I never have to do it again. It was beyond awful!

Hopefully, the memories of her funeral will fade like they did with my grandparents' services and all I will remember are the good times with Corley. Even while I was getting ready this morning, I heard her voice say, "Mrs. Herrington, why don't you straighten your hair? I like it straight." During the service I got lost in the picture displayed of her on the screen and for a second I could hear her chomping the ice that was in the cup she was holding in the picture because she was always chomping on ice in my class. This evening I heard a sound and I thought of her infectious laugh. 

Corley was larger than life. She had more confidence at 12 than I probably have had in my whole life. She truly lived like no one was watching. She was loud and boisterous. She was giving and thoughtful. She LOVED bright colors and sparkles and dressing up. She was a friend to everyone. I sure am going to miss Corley Ann and I can't wait to be reunited with her in heaven someday, where she can teach me to love dancing and singing as much as she did.

Traditions, Birthday Fun and Loss

 I'll preface this by saying that I'm heartbroken as I write this so this may not be as cheerful as I'd want it to be. 

Traditions are important to me. I love our holiday traditions, starting at Thanksgiving when our elf on the shelf appears. He brings a lot of joy...and mischief....until Christmas Eve, when he goes back to the North Pole for the year. A few years ago the boys and I tried to accomplish 25 days of kind acts leading up to Christmas. We weren't 100% successful but one thing that we did, that the boys still enjoy doing, is "candy cane bombing" cars. Essentially, they put a candy cane on car doors in the parking lot. Then we sit and watch a few people come to their car, often smiling when they see the candy cane. On Christmas Eve we typically go to a service and then go look at Christmas lights. This year we didn't look at lights because I was in a funk and the boys said they don't like looking at lights anymore. But we still baked cookies for Santa and a birthday cake for Jesus. 

On Christmas morning we woke up early to open gifts then enjoyed brunch at my brother in law's house. Later that afternoon, my in-laws came over for dinner. It was a pretty low-key Christmas, which was just what I needed. The day after Christmas, P and I woke up not feeling well. I'm 99% sure mine was a sinus infection and we found out that P's was just a viral infection. But we spent about 5 days sleeping and watching football. We didn't get off the couch much. It was glorious...except the sick part.

Thankfully we were feeling better in time to celebrate E's birthday. He wanted to go bowling and then grill burgers and have fruit salad. For the first time in years, he wanted to have a big birthday party. So we didn't do much on his actual birthday.

Our Christmas break has been really low-key except for getting new floors. We had 2 days of "chaos" because of it, but it was well worth it! I am in love with our new floors and it made me realize how bad our old floors truly were.

Today has been hard, despite it being E's big birthday party. Shortly after waking up, I got word that one of my sweet students from last year died unexpectedly last night. It took me by surprise and absolutely broke my heart! She and I got close last Christmas because her little brother and E are good friends. She gave the best hugs and her smile was infectious. The only time I saw her being "down" was when she didn't get picked for the middle school cheerleading squad. But, in true Corley nature, she put her friends first and was excited for them. I was thrilled when she made the middle school dance team! She was always so positive and gave the best hugs. Today I had a splitting headache from trying to hold it together for E's birthday. I didn't want him to know about Corley until after his party. Thankfully I accomplished my goal and he had a lot of fun, despite the cold temperatures. He improvised on games because no one really wanted to go outside, but no one seemed to mind.

It's been a long day and I'm ready for bed. Tomorrow is the last day I get to relax before going back to work. I'm thankful for the time I've had with the boys and our restful break. 

Sweet Corley Ann....a beautiful life cut too short