Goodbyes

 In the South, they say if you eat cabbage and black-eyed peas on New Years Day it will bring money and good luck. I don't believe it. We are 11 days into the new year and 2024 isn't feeling very "lucky". (I know, Dad, that you don't believe in luck but just go with me for the sake of this blog.)

I'm sure no one truly likes funerals, but I avoid them at all cost. That's how much I despise them. But, despite despising them, I've been to some over the years. At my Papa's funeral, I remember walking to the church before his memorial and having a "quiet moment" (or 30) of grief in solitude. Then I don't remember much from his memorial because I shut down. I remember person after person coming up to me saying, "I'm sorry....." to the point that I wanted to scream if one more person apologized for me losing one of my all time favorite people in the world. To this day, I don't say "I'm sorry" to someone who has lost a loved one because of my Papa's funeral. As sad as it sounds, I don't remember any details from my Nana's funeral. I was with her when she took her last breath and I remember seeing a double rainbow right afterwards. I remember thinking that was the first time I had seen a double rainbow and it confirmed to me that my grandparents had been reunited. After that I don't remember anything. What I do remember is my last Thanksgiving with my Nana when it was just me and her and what a special time that was for us. I remember spending countless hours on the beach with her, looking for agates. I remember so much about the special times with my Nana and Papa that I guess it's not important that I don't remember their memorials.

Over the past 16 years, since my Nana passed away, I've avoided funerals. If I've had to attend one, I have gone through the motions with little emotion. Until 7 months ago when we buried a sweet boy from our school. I didn't know him well, but he had a big personality that everyone loved. I cried at his funeral. It's the first time I had cried at a funeral since my Nana's funeral. But today I went to a funeral that just about wrecked me. Today we honored the life of one of my precious 6th graders from last year. She died very unexpectedly and I have been grieving the loss of her life all week. Today at her funeral I was an absolute basketcase and I honestly don't know what I would've done if Rob had not been there. I have never been that broken at a funeral. I couldn't even look at the casket with that sweet girl's body inside because it was too much for me to handle. Instead, I buried my head in Rob's chest and sobbed uncontrollably. After the service, I held several of my students- past and present- in my arms while they sobbed. I have never had to bury a student I was close with and I pray that I never have to do it again. It was beyond awful!

Hopefully, the memories of her funeral will fade like they did with my grandparents' services and all I will remember are the good times with Corley. Even while I was getting ready this morning, I heard her voice say, "Mrs. Herrington, why don't you straighten your hair? I like it straight." During the service I got lost in the picture displayed of her on the screen and for a second I could hear her chomping the ice that was in the cup she was holding in the picture because she was always chomping on ice in my class. This evening I heard a sound and I thought of her infectious laugh. 

Corley was larger than life. She had more confidence at 12 than I probably have had in my whole life. She truly lived like no one was watching. She was loud and boisterous. She was giving and thoughtful. She LOVED bright colors and sparkles and dressing up. She was a friend to everyone. I sure am going to miss Corley Ann and I can't wait to be reunited with her in heaven someday, where she can teach me to love dancing and singing as much as she did.