For the past week my first thought of each morning has been, "Will today be my last day without a child, with freedom to do what I want on my schedule?" "To go where I want when I want?" Then, with a little anxiety, my thoughts turn to, "Am I ready to be a mom? Do I have what it takes to me a mom? How will I deal with a life being so dependent on me?" Sometimes it hits me full force that I will be a mom, someone who is bound to another with limitations for my own life...at least for the next 18 years. Rob and I spend money how we choose without having to worry about someone else's needs. We go where we want when we want without having to worry about a diaper bag, a toddler, baseball practice schedules. We have so many freedoms right now.
Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to become a mom. I'm excited to meet our son, see what he looks like, watch how he grows, teach him life lessons, cuddle with him, meet his needs, listen to his giggles. The list goes on and on from the day we welcome him into the world until the day he spreads his wings and makes it on his own in the world.
I'm also excited to lose the belly. I am not excited about not being able to feel him move anymore but I am looking forward to sleeping on my stomach again, having a bigger wardrobe, not getting winded when taking a few steps. So, as you can see, I am excited, relieved, anxious and absolutely thrilled about these last few days. So, with today possibly being my last day of freedom, I will enjoy going where I want when I want, creating last memories as "Jen" without the added title of "mom".
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