Fear

Someone once said that you don't know fear until becoming a parent and I couldn't agree more. Although I enjoyed my pregnancies, I had a lot of unfounded fear with them. Once the boys were born I had even more fears, some different with each boy and some the same. The two constant fears I had with both boys are: 1) Am I, as a mom and their primary caregiver, doing everything in my power to do what's best for them? and 2) They're going to die of SIDS before I even get to know them. Thankfully my inlaws bought us an AngelCare monitor which greatly curbed the second fear and allowed me some sleep that first year.
Now that the boys are older the same fear issues exist. I have the same fears for the both of them but my fears are at varying degrees for each one. My oldest is a social butterfly and knows no strangers. In fact, case in point, the other day he asked an elderly lady at the store, whom he'd never before talked to, if he could have one of the Gatorades she had just purchased (Much to my absolute mortification!). He didn't see anything wrong with asking because he "was thirsty and didn't want the water that was in the car". I'm constantly talking to him about "Stranger Danger" and he always has an excuse as to why he just had to talk to a stranger. It's to the point where I won't put his name on stuff (backpack, school supplies, etc) for fear that someone will pick it up, call him by name and he'll wander off with the person, thinking they know him. Instead, I use a different, more discrete system which his teachers can still decipher. With my youngest I fear for his safety because he knows no fear, nor pain. A couple weeks ago he thought it'd be fun to ride his trike down into the drainage ditch behind our house. Luckily, P saw him and ran in the house to tell me. When I got to him, E was just standing there like, "I think I'll do that trick again.".  Tonight he dropped a jar, which shattered everywhere. As I rushed to clean it up I noticed there was a blood trail from where he had stepped in glass. He never once made a peep....until I put a bandaid on him. Which brings me to my other fear of him. OCD runs heavily on my side of the family and I fear that he has it. He can play in the mud, be a boy, but as soon as he feels something out of the ordinary on his hands (ie leftover food from a meal or blades of grass) he quickly runs to me to get it off him and he'll inspect his hand to make sure I did a thorough job. Tonight he didn't cry when he stepped in glass but he sure squawked when I put bandaids on his feet because he didn't like how they felt.
Every parent has their fears. Some fears change with your child's age. Some fears stay alive forever. That's part of parenting. I'm thankful that God helps me with these fears so I don't have to let them take control of my life because I want to enjoy parenting, not live in fear of it!