Dreading the Tomorrows

The only thing that can paralyze me with dread, drive me to tears and cause me to lose sleep is financial situations. That is until a few days ago. Now I have a new thing to add to the list....Kindergarten. Over the weekend my big boys were out of town, which just left me with the lil guy. It gave me a taste of what life will be like- permanently- a few weeks from now when P starts his educational career. I didn't like it. Not one bit. I have held very few titles, other than a mom, this past year. I've been a friend on occasion. I've tried to be a good wife. But other than that I a Mom. A job I take seriously, a job I know I'm good at. But now that will change. My first born, my baby, will be putting on his school uniform, filling up his backpack and walking into the unknown, where I have no doubt he'll have a blast. For 7 hours a day he'll be doing his thing while I do mine. I pray for him constantly- for his teacher, for his new friends, for his self esteem, for his imagination, for his authenticity and most importantly his faith. I also pray for myself and E, that we'll be able to have fun together, build memories together. But to be quite truthful, I'm dreading it. Not the fact that I'll just be with E because he deserves those special moments just as much as his big brother. But I'm dreading a quieter life, only having to deal with one child, a slower social life, sibling rivalry, both boys cuddling on my lap as we get a slow start to our day. Oh how I dread something that I know will make my child so happy. I know he'll do GREAT as he is sooooo smart and social, a quick learner, a comedian, compassionate. I'm the one I worry about, the one with knots in my stomach, the one who lies awake at night with "what ifs" running through my head. But ready or not, here it comes- KINDERGARTEN! Ah, the journeys of parenthood........