Violated

Friday morning Rob was leaving for work only to come back in a few minutes later saying, "We were robbed." His truck had been broken into. We had been down this route before. His truck had been broken into several years ago, but that was different. That time his truck has been in the driveway and the people had just opened the door and took 1 thing. This time there was more than one person. They came into our carport and actually got into his truck to get what they wanted. This time I feel violated. This time it feels personal. This time it's affecting me.

I don't want to go into too much detail because the boys read this blog sometimes but I've been anxious since Saturday. For some reason I was able to sleep just fine Friday night. But Saturday, when we were at a local rodeo, it hit me. E was having fun, laughing, clapping and smiling from ear to ear while I sat next to him thinking, "So many people are drinking. There's bound to be a fight. Or worse." Then I'd talk myself off the ledge and try to enjoy myself. The rodeo itself was fun but I couldn't get out of my head the entire time.

Saturday and Sunday nights, when I did sleep, I had nightmares. I woke up and checked the security cameras on my phone to make sure nothing was amiss. This morning when Rob left for work, I watched him on the camera to make sure no one was out there, waiting. All day I was on edge and I felt like I was barely holding it together for my students. When I got home I got dressed for the gym...and went to bed. I just couldn't get motivated to do anything more than sleep. 

I pray that this passes. I don't like this feeling, constantly on high alert. I look forward to the day when I am not worried or anxious. This sinful world can be scary but I know my God is bigger than it. So I've got to put my fears at His feet before I unravel. Sometimes that's easier said than done. But I know when I do let go of it He'll carry me just like He always does.