But around the first of October I realized I was at the 2 year mark for the FDA regulations of the medication that I had been prescribed to alleviate pain (and growth) of a cyst on one of my ovaries. I posted of FB, asking for recommendations for local OBGYNS. I had so many recommendations that I don’t know who referred me to Dr Phillips but I’ll be eternally grateful for that person!
The day before my 47th birthday I went in for what I thought would be a routine check up, followed by a discussion on what to do in lieu of having a hysterectomy but changing out meds. The next day the doctor herself called and asked me to come in ASAP to repeat some tests because of some abnormalities. So, two days later I went in for more blood work. The next day the doctor called me to tell me that my Ca-125 levels were a lot higher than the normal range, indicating possible cancer. She was also concerned about a cyst that had formed on my left ovary because of its shape. So she referred me to a gynecological oncologist.
Let me take a minute to sidetrack here to say that, several years ago, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. In my mind my dad is invincible so I never had any concerns about him having cancer because I often think he may outlive me. But, being in his shoes so to speak and being told you need to see an oncologist for possible cancer, puts things in a whole different perspective and gave me a whole new respect for what he went through.
Back to my oncology appointment…..Rob and I went to meet with a very nice, very knowledgeable, optimistic oncologist who basically told me I didn’t have any other choice than to have a hysterectomy. I asked her if I could postpone the surgery until the end of the school year since this is my first year at our new school. She told me I was on “borrowed time” and that if I chose to wait until June she is confident that we will be having a much different discussion.
I went back to school that afternoon and told my principal that I’d need to have surgery over Thanksgiving break. She was very quick to assure me that my health came first and that I could take the time off needed to heal.
Over the past month I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. For the first couple weeks I felt confident that everything would be benign. But about a week or so again I began dealing with excruciating pain that Tylenol barely touched. I had a heating pad across my hips whenever I was at home. Then my mind started taking me to friends who had died at an early age from cancer. I got in a pretty dark mental space and struggled to get out of bed and put on a front for everyone. We did NOT want the boys to know anything more than that I was having surgery. They didn’t need to worry about me possibly having cancer. But as much as I thought I was fooling them, I overheard P tell Rob one night, “Mom seems really sad.” It about broke my heart! I wasn’t fooling anyone.
This past weekend we were supposed to go on a family trip to Arkansas to spend time with our cousin. But E ended up getting sick and I had second thoughts about being around a lot of people, in below freezing temps, just to watch an Ole Miss football game right before surgery. So E and I stayed home, which I was happy about. Especially because I was in excruciating pain on Sunday and feared that I’d end up in the ER before the end of the day. Sunday night was my lowest point, when I was convinced I had cancer.
As horrible as I felt Sunday was how great I felt Monday. So I prepped for my surgery and went into it with a positive mental attitude. Honestly, I’ve never gone into surgery feeling so strong! Yesterday, I got to the hospital before the sun came up, ready to go. When I came to a few hours later, Rob was quick to give me a big ole smile and tell me the oncologist said I do NOT have ovarian cancer!! Praise the Lord!! Because of the pain meds and how tired I’ve been since coming out of the surgery, it hasn’t hit me yet. The fact that, after worrying and praying for the past month (yes Dad, I’m aware of the oxymoron), I no longer have to think about having cancer because I have the answer I had so desperately wanted.
Despite being on social media to post daily “thankful posts”, I struggled to feel thankful this month. I also struggled with feeling vulnerable, having people know what was going on. I don’t like feeling people’s pity or asking for help. So, other than a handful of people, we chose not to tell anyone. Plus, like I said, we really did not want to take a chance on the boys finding out.
Rob has been my rock through all of this, praying with me, encouraging me and being my strength when I felt I didn’t have any left. Even though we had already bought our plane tix to see them this week, my parents graciously offered to fly here for Thanksgiving to be with me in case we got less than happy news (but both were convinced that everything would be fine). My in-laws have helped with the boys, keeping them last night so I could stay overnight in the hospital (I have a history of not coming out of recovery well so we opted to be better safe than sorry. But this time has been about as perfect as possible with recovery time.). A couple friends who did know what was going on were sweet and would check in with me regularly to let me know they were praying for me and loved me. In that sense, I have been thankful beyond words to know that I’m surrounded by such awesome people.
I am incredibly thankful that this is behind me and it gives me a whole new respect for people who have to go through similar situations. It also breaks my heart for people who don’t have the same happy outcome I had. So, this Thanksgiving I’m not going to take my blessings for granted. We have so much to be thankful for!
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