A Family First

I have been meaning to blog all week but this week has flown by so far. We went from not leaving the house and having limited interaction for 2 months to being busy, busy, busy! Some days I handle it great and other days I'm ready to go back to the slow, monotonous pace of the quarantine. One thing I have enjoyed as we've moved into Phase 2 is more freedom. I ate in a restaurant for the first time in 3 months on our anniversary. Another thing we got to do is go on our first family vacation of the year. (By now we should've gone on a few vacays.) We did something that E has been obsessed with lately- tent camping (aka primitive camping). We stayed at a campground that offered plenty to do! From petting "wild" deer to a pool complete with a zipline to fishing to a Saturday night concert. Rob also surprised me and got me a bike for one of my anniversary gifts. So the boys and I rode bikes a lot at the campground. It was beautiful!
I can say that I'm more of a RV camper because I like my sleep and amenities (coffee pot, anyone?) too much but I'm glad we experienced it. It was loud and the two nights we were there we got maybe 8 hours of sleep total. But the smile on the boys' faces was worth it. They loved the experience and we're already planning our next tent camping experience....when it cools down.

Infuriating Headlines

It's been awhile since I've stepped on my soapbox so let me spend some time up there this afternoon. In case, you don't watch the news, a man about my age was killed by a police officer in Minnesota a few weeks ago. The man was black, the officer white. It has outraged tens of thousands of people and has once again brought division to our nation. Terms like "systematic racism" are being thrown around on a daily basis. People are getting fired for supporting police officers. Sports teams are once again telling players and participants that it's ok to kneel during the national anthem. A country music group is changing their name because the word "Antebellum" is racist and offensive, according to them. And the latest? A kids' carton, Paw Patrol, is losing one of its main characters because liberals are in an outrage that kids are being taught that there are nice, decent cops in the world. (Just typing this sentence gets my blood boiling!)
First of all, there are good people and bad people in this world. There are good black people and evil white people and vice versa. There are good cops and there are bad cops. There are good teachers and their are bad teachers. I can go on and on about every profession, every race, every nationality, etc but you get the point. What was done to George Floyd was despicable. He had no right to die a slow, very public death at the hands of that evil police officer. Quite honestly, I hope that officer gets the punishment he deserves for his actions. But one person can't define an entire profession. Last Fall, a local middle school teacher and her police officer husband committed some heinous crimes to children. Crimes that had me crying myself to sleep. But, thank God, my teaching profession was not thrown under the bus because of one evil person. The main stream media likes to hype up the controversy, point fingers and then play the "nice guy" role, causing unnecessary friction in society.
I can't wrap my head around why people have deemed all police officers as horrific people because of a few really bad ones. I can't imagine that a person whose child is kidnapped thinks the police are evil when they find the person's child. I can't imagine how people think the police that risked their lives to stop terrorist acts are evil. I can't imagine how people can think that a police officer who helps a stranded motorist late at night is evil. The police officers I've been honored to know are good, honest people. I have only had a run in with one officer and it was on a personal level when I taught his son. (I am 99.9% sure that after the fact he realized his son had lied and was in the wrong but I never received an apology. So who knows?)
Second, why is okay to defund police departments (That should be interesting for crime rates!) while looters and rioters walk away without any fines for the damage they've caused? 2020 has been a rough year for a lot of small business owners- first COVID-19 and then looters literally destroying their business. One business owner broke my heart with his story that I saw. He was an older, black man who looked to be close to retirement age. He was distraught about why, as a black man, he was a victim of the looters and rioters. He had just re-opened his business after having to stay closed for several months due to COVID-19. But, within a week of re-opening, the looters completely destroyed his business, wiping out his life savings. How can evil like that get so much media attention when it's so wrong? (And why is it okay to gets hundreds to protest but businesses are still at limited capacity due to COVID restrictions? Another blog for another day I guess.)
Third, why are so many people jumping on the "Systematic Racism" bandwagon? The Golden Rule is treat others as you would have them treat you. Despite trying to shelter our boys from the evil in the world, our oldest saw a clip of George Floyd dying with an officer's knee pressing down on his neck. He was very troubled by what he saw, which led us to having a conversation about right vs wrong. I told him that it was not okay for that officer to treat Mr. Floyd the way he did. But I also told him that you need to treat others with respect no matter what color their skin is, or what language they speak or how they look. EVERYONE deserves respect, including police officers. So, I can't jump on the Black Lives Matter movement because, to me, EVERY life matters.
Here's the thing: I don't know, nor will I ever know, what it's like to be a black person. That's not how God chose to create me. I will never know the oppression they face. I will never understand their fear of police officers. I do know that a lot of people choose to make it in this world despite their circumstances. I do know that a lot of people know right from wrong. I do know that a lot of people don't label others based on people's looks, race, nationality. And I do know I have hope that this world will get better. I've been reading the Old Testament a lot the past few months and I am appalled at how people were treated during those times. Innocent men beheaded or stoned. Others set up so they could be sentenced to death. But, here we are, thousands of years later and civilization still exists. Albeit, not harmoniously, but we're here. So that counts for something. And I'll keep praying that sooner or later we'll ALL start treating others how we want to be treated: with respect.

If a Dog Can Remember

Yesterday was a hard day. After much thought, discussion and prayer we made the difficult decision to rehome Charlie. We had got him as a puppy and he was perfect for our family for the past year and a half. But, recently he started becoming aggressive toward people he didn't know. He chased after people and snapped at 2 kids who tried to pet him. We called behavior trainers and did what we could to limit his exposure to "strangers". But, at the end of the day, we knew it wasn't fair to him and it put us in stressful situations. We put him up on a pet adoption website and, after telling a couple people that he wouldn't be a good match for them, took him to his first face to face meeting with his potential new owner. I prayed the whole way there that I would know 100% that he should go or stay. Charlie made it obvious that he would be happy with his new owner so, with tears streaming down our cheeks, we said goodbye to him.
Throughout the night we cried and reminisced about our time with Charlie. Fetcha acted "off" and I think she was sad too. As E said, "She misses her playmate." Was Fetcha remembering her and Charlie running around the house after each other until they were worn out? Was Fetcha remembering that she hovered over her food bowl, letting Charlie know that it was not his food? Was Fetcha remembering how she and Charlie would lay by the picture window, barking at people who passed by?
And as Charlie *happily* adapted to his new house last night, I wonder if he remembered how much we loved him. I wonder if he remembered his special place on the couch, how he would pace if something or someone was in his place. I wonder if he remembered how he'd carry his pink blanket all over the house. I wonder if he remembered how putting him out in the morning was my first priority. I wonder if he remembered all the snuggles and cuddles we gave him. I wonder if he remembered checking the garden with me every day. I wonder if he remembered chasing the boys around the pool in fear that they were drowning. I wonder if he remembered running around the property or deer camp until he was exhausted. I wonder if remembered chasing after the boys when the rode their bikes. I wonder if he remembered Otis, playing with him and trying to steal his bone. I wonder if he remembered "wrestling" at night with the boys and Rob. So many things I hope he remembers because they are things we won't forget.
As his owner for 1 1/2 years, I remember all the joy and laughter he brought us. I remember how he'd get under my foot, wanting me to pet him with my toes. I remember how he'd jump up on my lap and cuddle with me while I read or watched TV. I remember how he'd come running when he heard the cheese wrapper. I remember how he would drag his big dog bed to his favorite place on the couch so he could have it all. I remember how he would jump on P every morning to wake him up. I remember how he would lay on the bath mat in the bathroom while I took my bath. I remember our nightly walks right before bed.
I hope Charlie remembers. I hope that he'll never forget how much we loved him. How we loved him enough to let him go to a new home, where he could thrive. Our hearts are broken and I don't know how long it will take to stop crying every time we think about him. (E and I had a little cry fest this morning when I realized Charlie wasn't in the laundry room.) In fact, I'm crying so hard right now that I can barely see the screen. So, I'm going to end this now. I remember....and I hope Charlie does too.

A Funk

Do you ever get in a funk? Or am I the only one? I've been in one off and on this week. Monday I got some news at a doctor appt that I wasn't expecting. Not bad news, but just something I've never dealt with. And then the doctor had to leave to deliver a baby so I didn't get to discuss this unexpected news or ask questions. Monday night I used a coffee bath scrub that I had just received. I don't know if it was that or so much running through my mind but I tossed and turned all night. Yesterday I woke up tired. But as the day went on my mood started getting better. We bought a big tent and are planning on going camping soon. We haven't tent camped as a family so, other than the heat, I'm super excited about it. I also had a friend come over with her kids to swim yesterday with the boys. So I was in a good mood and slept really well last night.
Then today I woke up in another funk. These riots and looting have me unsettled. It breaks my heart that people are destroying things and hurting others just to make a statement. I'm all for speaking up and for the peaceful protests that are taking place. But, the selfish destruction has me down in the dumps. Then my dr appt still bothered me most of the morning. I finally decided to do something about it and change doctors, for a chance to be heard. And the icing on the cake to add to my funk is that we had to cancel our annual Summer vacation to visit my parents. Every year the boys and I go stay with them for 3 weeks and cram as much fun as possible into our time together. But, this year, that's not going to happen. My dad found out that he has to wear the walking boot for 2 more months (!!!) and I am not comfortable flying yet, with the Coronavirus still very active. It was a hard conversation to have with the boys but we all decided that it's for the best.
Another part of my funk is not being able to do Bible study with my co-workers the past couple weeks. I really miss digging into the Word together and doing life together.
All of this is messing with my emotions...and my sleep. I am going to start a paper chain countdown. Not the kind where you count down to Christmas morning, but the kind where I can count down until 2021. I am praying that is a better year than 2020 has been! Next Jumanji level?? A possible hurricane! Stay tuned for more fun......

I Want a Do Over!

We are not even halfway through this year and I already want it to be over. There's only one other year that I have felt the same and that was 2006, the year my Nana died. I felt that was a year of heartbreak and I couldn't wait for it to end. 

This year has been quite different, a challenging one at best. My dad started the year with pneumonia and then broke his foot (He's still in a walking boot!!). My mom had surgery and then had complications with it, landing her back in the hospital. I had the flu for the first time in my adult life. Then, 60 days after getting my Kindergarten class, life shut down for 2+ months because of COVID-19. We were housebound and bored, anxious and fearful. Vacations and family time was cancelled. People were (and still are to some extent) at odds at to how to "live" life.

Life still hasn't completely gotten back to normal from Rona and now we're dealing with national racial tension. Why can't this year end? 

I've spoken enough about Rona so let me touch on the new hot topic....racial tension. It breaks my heart! It does. I was not raised to look at someone differently based on their skin color. I don't remember the first time I hear the "n word" but I know for a fact it was not in our house. My parents treat everyone with respect. We don't want the boys to be raised to look at people differently because of ethnicity and race. And I don't get why that's so hard. Actually, I do. I blame the media. The media is so quick to point out racial tension (especially when it comes to police officers or politicians). But, once they blow a story up and get everyone's blood boiling they start backtracking, saying that more needs to be done to get rid of racial tension. In no way, shape or form should Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd died the way they did. They were treated inhumanely because of the color of their skin. And the sad thing? People stood by and watched, videoing them as they took their last breath. How senseless! I have not watched either video. Seeing a still shot of the videos plastered all over my FB newsfeed is enough to turn my stomach and leave a sour taste in my mouth. 

But the other thing I don't get is the protesters. I am not, in any way, asking people to keep silent about this injustice. However, when given a national platform, I would hope people would handle it more respectfully. I have been to Minneapolis twice and loved it. It's beautiful and the people are friendly. I would never in a million years imagined the looting and fires and shootings to happen there. Again, I don't get why people have to hurt others in retaliation. Sometimes "an eye for an eye" is not the best way to handle a horrific situation.

I have so, so many more thoughts on this but my mind keeps going in circles and before long I'll begin rambling. In closing, I hope that heartbreaking situations like this get people thinking about how they treat others, the difference between right and wrong, how to show respect. People don't have to agree. I don't agree with a lot of my brother's thoughts and opinions. But I love and respect him dearly, making it easier to find a middle ground in how we discuss our differences.

People, don't add to the stress and tension that 2020 has already brought. Pray and let go.....and hope that 2021 is a much better year!

Slow Your Roll

Yesterday, during my Bible study Zoom call, our leader asked us what was one thing we'd like to keep in place as life goes back to "normal". I was quick to respond. I want to say no more, to take time to slow down and enjoy quiet time. For 2 months, I was rarely bored but I definitely slowed down. It's kind of easy to do when very few businesses are open. But, for the past week or so, life has started to ramp up again. Restaurants and salons opened on Friday. Doctors began seeing patients for non-emergencies this past week. And people are feeling more freedom.
That being said, the past two weeks have felt very busy to me. After not coming face to face with an abundance of people for 2 months, this past week has been a bit overwhelming. Friday in particular frayed my nerves. I'm not lying when I say people were at our house (i.e. in our front yard or on our porch) from 10:30am until 5:30, with the exception of me making a quick Sam's Club run. By the time the last person left, I was peopled out. Don't get me wrong. I love our neighbors and I love having a yard full of kids. But, it was just too much too soon.
It made me realize that it's okay to put up boundaries. I am a people pleaser so I don't say no when I should. I need to protect our family time, my "me" time. I've heard a lot of people say that this quarantine has brought families together for a traditional dinner time- sitting around the table, eating together and talking about our day. We have always done that because that is super important to me! Like, ranks right under God and teaching the boys right from wrong, important. But we have done other things as a family that I have learned we can continue to do....just us.
I also want to protect my "me" time. During this time, I have craved it. I have one or more people talking to me from the time I wake up until I go to bed. Every day. My ears hurt. My head sometimes hurts. I need to have just a few minutes by myself every day. So I will continue to value that time.
Another thing that I learned during this time that I want to keep with is not filling the boys' social calendars. Rob has told me more times than I can count that I don't always need to find things to entertain the boys. And this quarantine time has really taught me that first handedly. There are times they've been bored but they've always found things to do. This time has brought them closer together because they only had each other to play with for several weeks. But, it's also okay if they're bored from time to time. 
As life resumes and busyness becomes the norm again, I will do everything in my power to keep a slower pace. We don't have to be on the go 24/7. We don't have to fill our social calendars. The boys don't constantly have to be entertained. Rona has taught me that it's okay to be at home, to not have a never-ending "To-Do" list. I hope, years from now, I can still say that I'm enjoying a slower pace of life thanks to Rona.

Mother's Day

Forgive me as I may ramble a bit. I have a lot to say and I'm not sure how to connect it all. Mother's Day has always been special to me because my mom is easy to celebrate. In my opinion, I have been blessed with the best mom possible. When describing her, I think of June Cleaver only more of a spiritual guidance. Growing up, my brother and I never had to worry about whether we were safe or whether we were going to be able to eat or whether we were loved or whether we were secure. My parents made every effort, every day, to make sure we knew how loved we were.
For the past 11 years, Mother's Day has taken on an even more special meaning. Now I have 2 reasons of my own to feel even more loved. For the past 11 years, I have been spoiled with handmade gifts, flowers, cards and lots of Mother's Day love. This year, Mother's Day is even more special because whatever the boys give me is something they came up with on their own. Since we haven't been in school since mid March, I know that teachers haven't dictated my Mother's Day gift. It's all my boys' thoughts and creativity that I'll be getting. And I know that, whatever I'm getting, they are both super excited about it, which makes it even more special.
As special as Mother's Day is for me, I can't help but think of my friends who aren't celebrating Mother's Day the way I am. The friends who have spent thousands of dollars to have their own child to no avail. The friends who long to be married and have a child of their own, who remain single. The friends who have lost a child, that grieve because their child is in heaven. The friends who are splitting custody of their child and don't get to spend today with their child. Several years ago, I posted on FB about Valentine's Day just being a silly Hallmark holiday. A friend wrote back, "How do you think we feel about Mother's Day and Father's Day?" At the time, this friend and his wife had tried, unsuccessfully, for years to conceive. So, Mother's Day and Father's Day was just another reminder of the fact that they didn't have a child of their own. Praise the Lord, that's no longer the case and they have a beautiful little girl. But, his comment made me stop and think, to pray for my friends who don't get to celebrate this special day the way I do. Now, every Mother's Day, I count my blessings and pray for those who long to be a parent.
So, whether you're a biological mom, a fur baby mom, an adoptive mom, a spiritual mom, a stepmom, a foster mom, have lost a child mom or a neighborhood mom, I want you to know that you are special. You are loved! The world is a better place because of YOU. So, happy Mother's Day. Thank you for all that you do and for making those around you feel loved!