The Past 5 Days

The past 5 days have been the best! Thursday we kicked it off with a very busy day. We had a full day of school and then raced to P's first ever cross country meet. He pushed hard for the entire mile that he ran and came in 36th out of 78 boys! We were so proud of him! Then we raced to E's football game, where he threw his first touchdown pass. Minutes after his game ended, P's game began. He worked it on defense, pulling 6 flags from his opponents.
Friday was chaotic because I was supposed to accompany my Pre-K class to the pumpkin patch. But we ended up getting a tropical storm so we ended up at the movies instead. After school I ran errands with the intent of the boys and I making homemade pizzas for dinner. But, while checking out at the store, Rob said he was on his way home. Since it was his birthday, we changed plans and went to TX Roadhouse instead. He enjoyed his steak dinner and I enjoyed our bill only being $3.72, thanks to a gift certificate. Afterwards, Rob and I had a TV date night while we waited for AAA to come unlock his keys out of his truck. I was glad we were able to spend time together because this was the last time I saw him for the weekend. With the tropical storm and his new position at the company, he put in a 18 hour day yesterday and finishing another 18+ hour day today.
Saturday the boys and I were going to go hit up a local corn maze. But the tropical storm curbed those plans. Instead, P and I went to my friend's yard sale and to a couple stores to get my Halloween costume props. Then we picked up E and his best friend and headed to the local trampoline park. We ended Saturday night at a neighborhood Halloween party. It was complete with a haunted house, photo booth and bounce house. Needless to say, we all slept good last night!
Today we started the day at church and ended the day at church. This afternoon we met up with friends for our church's Fall Fest. The kids loved playing games and eating handfuls of candy!
Halloween is not my favorite holiday but I sure have loved all the festivities this weekend. I even enjoyed dressing up in a costume for the first time since P was a baby. Now it's off to bed to get rested up for another busy week. G'night all!

Tears

I'm not a girly girl. I am not overly dramatic (most of the time) and I am not an overly emotional person. That being said, I have shed my share of tears over my lifetime. But, at some point in the past 10 years, my tears dried up and my heart was hardened. I can't remember a specific incident where this happened. It just happened over the course of time. There have been times where I have tried to force myself to cry because I felt the situation warranted tears. There have been times that I have wanted to cry because it would relieve stress. None of those things worked. So, sadly, as a last resort I turned to prayer. I prayed that the Lord would soften my heart so tears could flow when needed. And, over the past month, that prayer has been answered. I have cried 3 or 4 times- over hurt feelings, feeling like a failing parent, scared over a family member's health concern that we never seem to get definitive answers on. I don't cry every night or over every situation but I can feel my heart softening. I have cried and it has felt good to have that release. Now let's hope the Lord doesn't take it to the extreme, where I become a bumbling mess at the drop of a hat. HA!

Catching Up

Since I will print these blogs one day, tonight I'm just going to play catch up on our family happenings. You see, most of the US starts hunkering down come Fall because they are getting ready for cold weather. But, in the South everything ramps up because it's finally cool enough to leave the air conditioned house. So, needless to say, our life has been busy this month. Between football starting up, celebrating birthdays, sleepovers and school activities, I look forward to the rare night we have nothing to do.
The boys' football has been consuming 3 nights a week. I love watching them play and I am so glad that they'll start playing games this week. On top of football, P has been busy with school events. Last week he got chosen to do a 4-H event at the fairgrounds. After he got chosen, he decided he didn't want to do it because it conflicted with his football practice. But, we talked to him about making a commitment and being a team player. Although his group did not do well at the event, he had a good attitude and encouraged his peers during each activity. Last week he also found out that he made his school's cross country team. Thankfully he only has one meet this season. So this week he will race at this meet, come home to change and then head to his football game. Oh, and if that isn't enough, on Sunday afternoons, P has guitar lessons. Out of all the things he does, this is the one I enjoy the most because he has really flourished. It is so much fun watching him learn new songs!
On nights that I'm not cheering on our boys at their games, I am at the gym with a good friend. I don't get there as often as I'd like but I take advantage of it when I can. Sometimes I go more to see my friend and catch up with her than to get in a workout. But I don't take that time for granted.
Last week was my birthday. It wasn't anything exciting but I appreciated all the love people showed with texts, gifts, cards, phone calls and flowers. The day after my birthday we went to the LSU Homecoming parade as a family, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Then I met up with a couple of good friends for dinner. For the first time since moving to the South, I have started looking forward to college football games. So we cut dinner short because two of us wanted to get home to watch the LSU/Florida game. Ha!
My biggest boy starts his new job this week. It'll probably be an adjustment for all of us as we've gotten used to him being home. Rob going back to work last week was weird because he has been such a big help these past couple months. But, I am happy for his job promotion and am so proud of him for obtaining this new position.
And, in between all this other fun, the boys have been having sleepovers with friends. Last week P spent the night at his friend's house. Tonight that same friend is spending the night at our house. Then, I told E that next weekend he can have his friend spend the night.
As busy as we are, I wouldn't change it. I LOVE this busy season of life. I LOVE watching the boys do things they love. Yes, I get tired and worn out. Yes, sometimes I sigh a breath of relief when I get a text that football has been cancelled because of bad weather. But, overall, I LOVE it! I love our crazy, busy life!!

Finding Joy

I had a blog all planned out about how fun 2019 has been. But then I got convicted to blog about finding joy. I don't know why but maybe you need to hear this right now. It's not always easy to find joy. I know. I was in a dark place earlier this year. No matter how good things were going, I always focused on the negative. All I did was complain. I have no doubt that I was a Debbie Downer to everyone around me. That's when I heard about the book "The Attitude Antidote". It's a 21-day devotional about changing your attitude. I'm about 221 days into it and have yet to finish the book but the devotions I have read have been awesome. it's helped me put things into perspective because I tend to focus on the negative with (in no particular order):
My job: Last month I started a new job at the boys' school. Is it my ideal job? No. But is it a job I currently love? YES! Friday was a rough day. I'm not gonna lie. It was the first day this school year that I was wishing that the clock would jump forward to 3:20 so the day would be over. When I got home from work, Rob asked me how my day was. It would've been easy for me to vent to him for an hour about everything that went wrong. Instead, I told him I've had better days and then I internally focused on all the things I LOVE about my job. I am at the same school as the boys all day long so I get to see them and hug on them a lot. I love my co-workers. The two I work closely with are the best and I learn so much from one of them (even though I've been in education for 20+ years.). I admire how she deals with upset students and how creative she is! I love my students and the laughter they bring to my life on a daily basis. I love that my job is low stress and a whole lot of fun. I'm going to have a bad day once in awhile but the good FAR outweigh the bad so that's what I choose to focus on.
Marriage: Marriage is hard, y'all! And there was a time, a few years ago, that I wanted to throw in the towel. But, Rob kept fighting for us, which showed me that I couldn't quit. We still have our differences. There are some days that I feel we don't agree on anything. But, we've learned that we can agree to disagree or we can compromise or we can walk away, knowing that I was right all along (HA!). Seriously though, on the days that we are constantly bickering, instead of focusing on the negative, I focus on how we balance each other out or how much he helps me. He knows how much I hate washing dishes and folding clothes so he's quick to help with that. He's quick to rearrange his schedule to accommodate mine or get the boys somewhere. He's been a big help these past couple months with little house projects or running errands for me while he's recouped from his kidney surgery.
Finances: All I'm going to say about this is that I hate budgeting and I suck at our finances. But, I've stopped beating myself up about it. It's one of my flaws and thankfully, Rob and I both have jobs that keep giving us paychecks. One of these days I'll grow up and figure it out. But until then we keep plugging along.
My weight: Until I had E, I was a size 4-6. For almost 7 years, I have not been able to lose my "baby weight". In fact, I think I added to it over the past few years. I often get frustrated with myself because, when I start to lose weight, I get excited, eat horribly and gain it back. Instead of focusing on that, I focus on the fact that I am healthy. I work out with a good friend a few times a week. We have plenty of food choices in the house, meaning we are not starving and don't have to worry about our next meal. I may or may not ever lose the extra 15-20 lbs that I want. But, it could be worse.

There are always things you can worry about, or be negative about. But I've learned that it's a mindset that I can control. When someone makes a negative comment, I try to counter it with a positive statement. If I feel that they just need to vent, I listen but try not to feed into their negative comments. This takes work because, for so long, it was easy for me to jump on the negative bandwagon. But I realized how draining it is- for me and for those around me. No one wants to hang out with someone that complains all the time. It's not fun! That's what got me to change my mindset. Life should be fun, not a constant ferris wheel of negativity. If something is a constant negative in your life (job, marriage, etc) change it!! If you don't want to, or can't, change it then try changing your outlook on it instead.

"Any attitude is a choice. You possess the capability to be fully in control of your attitude. Thoughts create feelings. So if you can control your thoughts, you can directly control your feelings...Your thoughts can define your reality and generate your feelings." ~The Attitude Antidote

The Good and the Bad

Social media is a blessing and a curse. I love that it gives me "insight" into my friends' lives, letting me catch up with friends that I rarely see. I love that it's a place to ask many people for prayer requests all at once. I love the memes that make me laugh after a long day, the jokes that are reposted. I love that I can get up to date news info or learn about severe weather issues just by scrolling through a newsfeed. The thing that I don't love about it, though, is that it's not always real. People make their life sound so much better/easier than it really is. So I'm going to use this social platform and let you know it's been real lately.
Life has been heavy. Rob and I have argued more than once this week. P was sick this week and E throws major temper tantrums when he's called out for a dirty room. But, that's nothing compared to what some of our family and friends are going through. For the sake of their privacy, I won't go into all the details. But I will say that it's heavy. In some cases, literally life or death heavy. I go to bed with so many prayer requests on my mind that I usually fall asleep praying for family and friends, only to wake up a few hours later to resume my prayer list. One prayer request that God answered according to His Will and not mine concerned good ole Uncle Joe.  I prayed so hard for a miracle, that God would heal Uncle Joe from cancer. And God did heal him in the eternal sense but not in the earthly way I had prayed for.
So today we are going to Uncle Joe's visitation. Some people like attending funerals because it gives them closure. I am one of those people who avoid them at all costs. I don't know what to say to loved ones (I refuse to say "I'm sorry for your loss" after hearing that so much at my Papa and Nana's funerals). I ugly cry at time or completely put a wall up, making people think I'm rude and selfless. I don't like anything about funerals. I haven't been to a funeral since P was about a year old. But today I want to go pay my respects to Uncle Joe because he meant so much to me. We didn't see him often but he was one of those men who was larger than life, one of those men that knew more than Google, one of those men that would drop everything to help someone in need, one of those men who could make people laugh with his off sense of humor.
Uncle Joe was one of the first people I met when we moved here. I trash talked Louisiana to him and he just listened. He agreed with a couple things I said then pointed out the many good things about the area. He made jokes about the people and food and made me feel like what I said mattered, even though I just bad mouthed his home state. He was just one of those men that we need more of in life. He went the extra mile. He enjoyed life and he treated everyone with kindness and respect. So today I will say my final earthly goodbyes to him. I will hug his dear wife and daughters close. I will offer what comfort I can because that's what life is about today.
I won't like it but then again not everything in life is a beautiful bed of roses. Sometimes it's the ugly thorns on the rosebushes. And that's ok to talk about as well. Life is good and bad, ugly and beautiful. Sometimes all at the same time. But there's always tomorrow and that's what helps me get through the not so pretty "social media" days of life. Because, really and truly, that's what life is....being real and embracing all that it throws at you.

Yesterday Girl

I have two major character flaws (OK, I have more than two but I'll just focus on two today and save the rest for later.): I am impatient and I take what people say as the gospel truth. When I say I'm impatient, I mean you could look up "Yesterday Girl" in the urban dictionary and see my picture. That doesn't always work well for me and God. I usually tell Him what I want and when I want it. If He doesn't answer in my time frame or the way I want, I resort to toddler behavior and beg. Why am I sharing this with you? To give you a little background on my Summer. Let's backtrack some....
This past Spring, for many reasons, I gave my resignation at the private school where I had been teaching for 3 years. One of the main reasons is that I really wanted to teach at the boys' school. I wanted to get back to elementary ed and wanted to be on the same schedule as them. When I gave my resignation I felt peace, knowing I was making the right decision. Within days of resigning, I took my resume to the boys' school and talked to the principal about getting a job at the boys' school. I did not apply anywhere else because that's the only school where I wanted to work. I was proud of myself in the fact that, for four months, I did not say another word to the principal about a job. She had told me that she would know mid Summer if she had anything available so I PATIENTLY (or so it looked from the outside) waited. By the beginning of July I was starting to get antsy. I knew we'd be in Cali for most of the month and that Rob had his kidney surgery the day after we got back (Please continue to pray for him as his recovery has not been as smooth as he had hoped. He's still in a lot of pain.). So I took matters into my own hands believing "The squeaky wheel gets the oil" saying. I stopped by the school and was told the principal would call me back later that afternoon. When I did not hear back from her I called several more times before we left. Then I emailed her a couple times. I began doubting that I had the right email address for her, even though I had obtained it from the district website. I started to worry. I became impatient. And then I got an email from her, asking if I'd be interested in a classified position. Now let me stop to specify something. When I prayed for a job at the boys' school I was not specific in praying for a teaching position. And, to be extra clear, when I talked to the principal I told her I'd take anything she had available. So when I got the email, I was ecstatic about the job offer but knew it meant not having my own classroom. I took it, happy for an "in" into the district and especially that school.
Last week was my first week. On the second day, I was talking to the principal and she said she got me into the school because she knew she'd probably have a teaching position open up before too long and she wanted me ready for it. Now I took what she said at face value. But then I translated it into what I wanted to hear: I'd be in my own classroom before the students showed up. That has not happened. This past Friday, when I got home from work, I told Rob that I am making a fool of myself by dropping comments whenever I can about wanting my own classroom. The administrators already know that and I am once again resorting to childish behavior. I know how much it irritates me when our oldest does this and I love him to death. I can't imagine how my administrators are feeling with me making comments and they barely know me. Actually, I have a pretty good idea how they are feeling and it makes me cringe.
All of that soul bearing confession to say this morning I woke up with a peace of mind. God answered my prayer. My current job has made it a lot easier to be with Rob immediately after his surgery to help him. It is more pay than I was earning at the private school but with less responsibility. I work with 2 other ladies that I have already learned a lot from (One was Teacher of the Year a couple years ago). So I know that I am where I am supposed to be at this moment. I may get my own class soon or I may stay where I am for the rest of the year. And you know what? I am ok with it either way. I will bloom where I am planted and be so incredibly thankful for the job I have been blessed with. Because this "Yesterday Girl" is exactly where she is supposed to be!

Who Needs a Kidney??

Back in December Rob's best friend called him and told him that, because of a hereditary issue, his kidneys were failing him. Rob got off the phone and asked if I had a problem with him being tested to see if he was a match to donate his kidney. I was quick to say no because I thought, in all honesty, that there was no way Rob would be a match. For several months, Rob went through every medical exam/test and psych evaluation to make sure he was going to be a match. The process is no joke! In mid Spring his donor coordinator let him know that he was indeed a match and that the surgery would take place the last week of May or first week of June. I booked the boys' and my annual trip to California for the month of July, thinking that would be plenty of time for Rob to recoup. One thing that I learned along the way is that at any time (even up to the time of surgery) the whole thing can be cancelled for any reason. So in the back of my mind I was still not wrapping my head around the reality of Rob giving up his kidney. Rob got a call mid May that there would be a couple more tests and another medical procedure just to be on the safe side. At this point Rob felt he was begging UMMC to take his kidney. They had put him through the ringer...and gave him the run around! A day before our anniversary we got word that it was 99% a go because we had done everything on our side (I say "we" because I had to complete a psych eval as his primary caregiver post-op). That was the same day that his best friend got word that his kidney function had dropped from 8% to 5% and he had to be put on dialysis immediately. We were discouraged to say the least. But the good news is that Jeff only had to be on dialysis a short time versus the rest of his life...or until a donor could be found. I was also discouraged because we found out that the surgery was going to be scheduled for Aug 1....a day after the boys and I landed in NOLA after being gone for 3 1/2 weeks. At that point I was unemployed and the only place I had put a resume in was at the boys' school (talk about limiting God!). I did not know if I would get a job and would report to start a new school year the day after Rob's surgery (which would have been today). All of this caused me anxiety, but it still wasn't real that Rob was going to undergo major surgery to donate his kidney to his best friend. It wasn't real until he point blank asked me, "Did you agree to this because you thought I wouldn't really be a match?" Guilty! But, while I was anxious about the time frame and the unknown, I had peace that we were doing the right thing (We being 95% Rob and 5% me). We had talked about it a lot as the testing progressed and I felt that we were a solid team.
While Rob was at peace, he likes to cover his bases. So he researched everything he could about the procedure and what to expect. He also met with our friend, a local pastor, to talk to him about speaking at his funeral if it came to that. I didn't like to think about that but was glad Rob felt the need to get everything in order just in case.
Fast forward to this week.....Rob and Jeff had a "Kidney Party" (for lack of a better term). It was a fish fry that, sadly, the boys and I had to miss out on due to the fact that we were still in Cali. But I knew that the men were surrounded by family, friends and lots of love. The boys and I landed in NOLA Wednesday night after a WONDERFUL trip to my parents' house. My stress induced eczema was in full flare up mode for the first time since the school year ended and I was running on limited sleep. We got to Rob's parents' house in time to unpack the car, pack a hospital bag and go to bed. 4:30am was going to come early! Rob's dad, Rob and I left at 5am yesterday morning to get there in time for prep. Jeff and his wife were already there and we were blessed to have a wonderful time spent in prayer before both men started the prep procedures. For the first time during this whole 8 month process, Rob was nervous. Not because he was doubting his decision but because he doesn't like to be put under. I met the surgeon and was informed that the surgery would last 1 1/2-2 1/2 hours. The OR nurse got my number and said she'd call periodically with updates.
45 minutes after I kissed Rob and watched him being rolled down the hall on a gurney, I got a call that the surgery had begun, that all was well and that she'd call within the hour with another update. Right after I hung up with her the local pastor back home that Rob had met with a couple months ago called to check in and let us know that we were covered in prayer. It was so comforting! I had Rob's phone so between his phone and mine, I never went more than a few minutes before getting a text from friends, checking in. Jeff's mom gave me a care package full of snacks, bottles of water and goodies. It brought tears to my eyes that she was so thoughtful and had put together the PERFECT care package. During the next phone call from the OR nurse updating me, I was told that the surgery would most likely last about an hour (which would've put the procedure around the 2- 2 1/2 hour mark). It was FREEZING in the waiting room so I got up to walk around and go get something to eat. Jeff's cousin saw me sitting by myself and came over to chat. She was so sweet and just the person I needed to talk to at that moment. At this point, it had been well over an hour since I had heard from the OR nurse and I was getting nervous. Thankfully, Rob's dad and brother were sitting beside me the whole time and helped calm my nerves. Jay (his brother) is a natural comedian so he had me laughing and my Father in Law has always had a calming effect on me. We were all on edge, however, by the time the OR nurse finally called. She said that they were 5 minutes from taking out Rob's kidney (the surgery should have been over by now) and there was noise in the background when she called, unlike the previous times. Despite her telling me everything was going well, the phone call shot my nerves to a whole new level. She told me I'd hear from her within 45 minutes that the surgery would be over and Rob would be in recovery. An hour later, I couldn't sit still and I was still freezing. So I went outside for some fresh air and to calm my frazzled nerves. Unbeknownst to me, the surgery ended and the surgeon had come in the waiting room to tell my Father in Law and Brother in Law that everything was good and Rob was in Recovery. (All the while I was outside, looking at my phone every 30 seconds, waiting for the OR nurse to call like she had promised.) When I came back in I got the good news....Rob had already woken up and the first thing he had said was "How is Jeff?". I went to tell Jeff's wife, mom, family and friends the good news and broke down crying. I knew he was going to be ok but it had been a stressful 4 hours to say the least. I couldn't wait to get to his room to see him! When he was wheeled into his room awhile later, I can honestly say I've never been so happy to see him.
Last night was rough. We were tired. Rob was in a lot of pain and we couldn't find a nurse to help out when we needed one. But we were also feeling blessed, honored and humbled to be part of this life-saving process! Every time I spoke with Jeff's mom she would start crying, thanking Rob for everything. This morning, before he was discharged (Yes, he's that tough that he was discharged within 24 hours of surgery! His pain tolerance is off the charts.), we were told by the donor coordinator that he was only the 7th living donor this year at that particular hospital and the first this year between two non-family members. No wonder everyone was treating him like a celebrity and the med students were salivating at the chance to be part of the surgery! When we left, Emily and I shared a big hug while we checked to make sure Jeff was doing well. (His body is already accepting Rob's kidney better than expected.)
I'm crying writing this because it's been such an emotional process. Rob and I are still exhausted. He is still in excruciating pain and he still has a long recovery ahead of him. But he has been asked more than once if he regrets doing this and he is very quick to say a resounding NO. I am blessed to be a small part of this whole thing, something that will make Rob, Jeff, Emily and I family for life. We have a bond that cannot be explained, a bond that I am humbled to be a part of. God is good and no miracle is too big for Him! From start to finish, this whole thing went exactly how it was supposed to and for that I am truly thankful!