Life In the Carpool Lane

I don't know what's worse: getting stuck in rush hour traffic in Los Angeles or enduring the carpool lane at P's school. I don't know what's better: seeing the happenings of a classroom from a parent's point of view or the teacher's. After waiting 45 minutes in the carpool lane each day (yes, you that read that correctly), I anxiously await for P to get settled in so he can tell me all about his day at school. He almost always starts with his teacher's mood and what color face he ended his day on (his class's behavior chart). Then he goes on to tell me who he played with or a fun activity that he enjoyed. Inevitably his happenings include someone making fun of him. This has been going on for awhile, even before he started Kinder. Sometimes I believe him and other times, like today, I don't. I looked in the rearview mirror, watching how hard he had to work to come up with the names the kids allegedly called him. I questioned his story but he stuck by it. I don't know the kids he's talking about and that's the hard part. But I do know my son and can tell when he isn't being 100% truthful. I let him reiterate his "tattle" and gave him one last chance to tell the truth. Sadly, he didn't. So I stepped it up a notch and informed him that our parish believes in corporal punishment at school (If the parents sign a permission slip at the beginning of the year). I told him that if these kids were picking on him then they'd get sent to the principal's office and would get spanked. I walked a fine line in telling him this because I do NOT want him to fear the principal. I want him to have a healthy respect for him. I watched his reaction in the rearview mirror and could tell he was taking it all in. After a few moments of silence he informed me that he had indeed made up the story. The conversation continued from there and it made me realize how hard it is to see his school day from the carpool lane so to speak. I don't have a bond with any of the kids in his class. I do not know his daily routine. I do not know what he learns every day or his teacher's style of teaching. I do not know what makes his teacher tick and what it means when he tells me she "yelled all day". It makes me realize that being the parent is hard because you have to take what your child tells you about his/her day with a grain of salt. It's a change and one I may take awhile to adjust to, especially in the carpool lane.

A Visit Back in Time

One of the things I love about the South is that it's rich in history and culture. I've been wanting to visit local places to learn more about the South's history. A few days ago I mentioned to Rob that I'd like to see one of the local Civil War battlefields because I think it's an important piece of history. Since History and Science is often overlooked in today's education, I thought it'd be fun to teach P about a part of history up close and personal. Rob is an AWESOME Civil War battlefield tour guide and P soaked up all the information his dad was giving him about things (especially the "canyons"~ i.e. canons). Although it was hotter than all get out, it was nice to take a step back in time for a couple hours this morning, reliving history.

Best Date

A few days ago Rob suggested that P and I go on a Mother/Son date. At first I declined because we rarely spend time as a family on the weekends. But then I changed my mind and I'm so glad I did!! P got dressed up. (His idea of dressing up is a button up shirt, sunglasses and a hat~ preferably his cowboy hat, which he couldn't find last night.) I suggested we go to ice cream for dinner but he asked if we could have a sushi date. Sushi has been a special thing between us since he was about 3 years old. He was so excited to go sit in the restaurant because, despite all the sushi we've eaten, we've never gone into a sushi restaurant to eat it. When the waitress suggested he might like to try Japanese soda pop he was thrilled! It was an experience that he talked about the rest of our date. It was definitely his favorite part. After we devoured our delicious meal we topped it off with some fro-yo.
I could care less what we ate last night. Although it was all good, I would've been perfectly happy just spending time with my oldest son. We had a lot of fun together and it made me realize that we need to do this more often.

Lessons and Adjustments

In 2 hours and 6 minutes (not that I'm counting), P's first official week of Kindergarten will be in the books and we've survived...barely. It's been a long week for many reasons, but mainly because P's been sick on top of going to school for 7 hrs a day. He's not sleeping and is an emotional wreck when I take him to school every morning. It breaks my heart but I know it has to be done. Yesterday I did pull him out early for a dr's appt (and a long, much needed nap before the apt).
Every day when I pick him up he gets in the car, tells me how much he missed me and Easton and then proceeds to fill me in on the day. I usually get to hear about how his teacher yelled a lot first and then he gets to all the fun stuff. When we get home, we go through his daily binder and talk about the worksheets he did.
I am not a worksheet teacher. Never have been and hope to never be one. So the first day P came home I went through his worksheets and informed him that we didn't need to keep all of them. I thought he understood...until he opened the garbage can. In a very dejected voice he asked, "Who threw away my papers? I worked hard on those." Ouch! Talk about a stab to the heart. I felt like the WORST. PARENT. EVER. I asked him if they were important to keep and he quickly answered yes. Lesson learned. Now when he gets home every day I take out his worksheets, hole punch them and put them in a special binder so he can look at them. I learned that it doesn't matter if I'm a worksheet type teacher. My son, who is at school for several long hours a day, is proud of his accomplishments and I should acknowledge them.
Tonight he and I are celebrating the lessons we've learned this week by spending some quality time together. We are going on a mother/son date and I can't tell you how excited I am about it!! I was going to take him to buy a Whoopie Cushion and out for ice cream but he asked if we could have a sushi date instead. Music to my ears. I'm looking forward to our date and especially to the end of the school day so we can have 2 whole days together. 1 hour and 57 minutes.........(not that I'm counting)

A Baby No More

Last Thursday was hands down one of the hardest days Rob and I have had to endure together. We dropped our first born off at Kindergarten, in the hands of a complete stranger, for the longest 7 hours of our lives. I'm sure it would've been hard in any circumstance but it broke my heart to take him to school, knowing he had been up most of the previous night, coughing. But, true to his nature, he never complained about not feeling well  but took on the task at hand.
As we got out of the car in the school parking lot, Rob offered P his hand. For the first time that I can remember, P refused to hold it, wanting to make the trek on his own. When we took him in the building to walk him to class he walked a couple steps in front or behind us, showing us that he didn't need us as much as we needed him to want our support. He quietly sat with the other boys, taking it all in. When the bell rang he studiously walked to his classroom to line up behind his teacher. She didn't give him a big welcome hug as I had hoped. She is more reserved, reminding me of how I had been my last year in Kinder. (Something I wish I could go back in time and change.) He walked into class, without shedding a tear and not watching us walk away. We, on the other hand, had a hard time containing our emotions.
 I had a pit in my stomach the entire day and felt like my heart had been broken into a million pieces. I kept thinking about him as a newborn, so new to the world. I kept thinking, "Where have the years gone?" Then I was plagued with "What ifs". "What if I didn't prepare him well enough for school?" "What if he gets made fun of?" "What if his teacher loses her temper with him?" "What if he struggles?"...... So many "What ifs" that I was completely worn out by the time we picked him up from school.
After 7 VERY LONG hours we went to get our baby. We were nervous that we hadn't gotten there in time (even though we left 35 mins before school was dismissed for a 7 min car ride). The carpool line was so long and we were dead last. We worried he'd think we forgot him and thankfully our neighbor was ahead of us in line, calming us down with a rundown of texts.
When we finally picked him up he seemed happy, but subdued. I don't know if it was because he wasn't feeling well or because he was absorbing everything. He gave us a rundown of his day and filled us in on the good, bad and indifferent.
I think this is going to be a long year, for him and for us. E has a hard time when we drop him off in the morning and can barely contain himself when I tell him it's time to pick Bubba up in the afternoon. I make a never ending "To Do" list in hopes of the time passing faster. I live for 3:20 when I can have my baby back in my arms. It's a growing up process~ for him and for me. I have to learn to let go, trust others with his care, knowing he's going to learn far more in school than he would at home with me. I'm looking forward to the Fridays, the holidays, the end of the year. But I know that each day in between will be one full of learning, laughter and growing independence because my baby is no longer the helpless newborn that couldn't survive without me. He has grown into a smart, funny, outgoing, sweet, creative, thoughtful young man, ready to take on the world. Or at least Kindergarten!

 

 

Staycation

I have a travel bug. I love to visit new places and would travel around the world if the opportunity presented itself. Back home I never went more than a month or two without going somewhere, if even for a quick weekend trip. So this Summer has been hard. For various reasons, I have not been out of the BR area(other than a quick airport run to NOLA) since Memorial Day. One of the things I was looking forward to with living here was being so close to so many wonderful places. But since I didn't get to see any of them this Summer, I made the best of our staycation with the boys. I took them to pretend play places, to park playdates, to a little water park, out to lunch, to bounce places, splash pads, to see Mike the Tiger and to Global Wildlife. At home we had numerous water play dates, Wild Kratt adventures and even had P's first sleepover. It was a fun Summer and I'm bummed that it has come to an end. Here are some pics from our staycation adventures.....

Misunderstandings of Death

If you're reading this in hopes of learning about P's first day of school, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I have a list of things to blog about. I had planned to do it today but the day got busy. I don't have the energy tonight to blog more than one entry so hang tight and you'll get to learn about the first day of school soon enough.
Tonight's blog entry will be me on my soapbox...for a brief moment....about society and death. If you follow NASCAR you most likely heard about a fatal wreck that took place last weekend. If you didn't I'll fill you in. A driver, Tony Stewart, who hit another driver, Kevin Ward, during a race, causing the young driver to die. I was determined NOT to watch the video that a spectator had taken of the incident. But I got tired of basing my opinion on everyone else's opinion. So I watched the clip and here's my "educated" opinion: I was not there to pass judgment. Even if I had been there I don't have the right to pass judgment because I am not Tony Stewart. Yes, he has a temper. Yes, he has displayed it on more than one occasion. Yes, it has gotten in the way of his racing in the past. But, if I was put on the witness stand at his trial I would not be able to say that he indeed committed premeditated homicide. In fact, if I went with my gut I'd say that he did not intentionally hit the kid and will live to regret that moment of time for the rest of his life. I feel bad for all parties involved and no matter what the outcome is, Tony Stewart will most likely never be the same person as he was even 1 minute before that wreck took place.
Now onto another high profile death this week...Robin William's. I quickly learned on social media that most of society either called him a coward or acted as if he was their personal, best friend. Neither one is correct in my opinion. The whole thing is a tragedy. It took the life of a very talented and funny actor. But I don't know what it's like to be bipolar. I don't know what it's like to struggle with such intense depression. I don't know what it's like to be in the early stages of a disabilitating disease. Yes, he made me laugh, Yes, I found him to be extremely talented. Yes, I grew up watching his movies. But I never met the guy. I didn't feel a personal connection with him so I don't feel the need to gush about his death on social media, trying to make his death a personal tragedy in my life. Unfortunately, he had mental health issues and was plagued with a lot of demons. What I find sad is that he made fun of Christianity yet people glorify him because he's funny and because he's famous. What I find sad is that over a thousand people have died on the Gaza strip recently but they're not mentioned all over social media. What I find sad is that people are being so judgmental of a very sad situation, without really knowing what was going on in his head or in his life (other than what was mentioned in the media). The whole situation makes me sad but that's about the depth of my connection with it. In fact, both cases are tragic, affected many and could've been prevented.
So those are my opinions. Take it or leave it. I just hadn't gotten on my soapbox recently (probably because I hadn't blogged much recently) and was troubled by these events this week. Or rather I was bothered my people's reactions to these events this week. Stay tuned and you'll get a blog about P one of these days....soon???

Food

While I'm still grieving the loss of my friend, I am rejoicing that my dad found out that he is CANCER FREE. For the first time in awhile, I don't feel like I have the dreaded "C Word" in the forefront of my mind 24/7, which makes it easier to blog. And what better way to start back to blogging than by blogging about one of my favorite things: FOOD!
When we first moved here, one of my goals was to become a better cook, to expand my family's palette so to speak. I'm not a bad cook per se but I make the same things continuously with very little variation. One of my neighbors has helped me with this dilemma but providing me new recipes that my family loves. I've also had the help of lots of fresh produce! Since we are renting we could not plant a garden but we have not had a shortage of produce in any way. Neighbors generously donate from their gardens. Rob's co-workers bring in eggs, peppers, tomatoes, jams. I have found one of my favorite local places- the produce stand. The boys and I go there a few times every week, spending about $5-$15 each time. Since produce is cheap, you can imagine all the goodies we come home with! Since so many wonderful fruits and vegetables are currently in season I decided to take advantage of it. I learned how to can things. To date I have canned tomatoes, pears, pickles (bread n butter as well as dill) and banana peppers. My favorite by far are the pickles and peppers. Pears were tedious and tomatoes require too much time and scientific thought. I've also frozen bananas, peaches, bell peppers and tomatoes to use at a later date. I get a lot of enjoyment out of canning/freezing stuff, knowing that I'm providing healthy and cheap options for food.
Speaking of healthy, I love healthy food. (Let's face it...I love junk food as well which is why I still have NOT lost all my baby weight!!). As P's first year of school draws closer, I've become more conscience of  the food I'm feeding my boys. Like most kids, it's very obvious when P has consumed a lot of sugar and/or processed food. I can handle it (most days) but that's not fair for his teacher to deal with him and 20 some odd other 5 year olds strung out on a sugar high every day. So I've started transitioning him to healthier eating. The biggest step was cutting back how much juice he drinks. I buy sugar free apple juice and he's allowed one cup of it a day. The rest of the day he drinks milk or water. On special occasions (Like at birthday parties) he'll get a little more and I don't worry about it. We always have a lot of fruit in our house and I make it a point to let him choose fruit when we go to the produce stand. He's proud of his choices and it's the first fruit he wants to eat when we get home. I've also started doing A LOT more shopping at Costco, which has made my life easier in two ways. It significantly cuts down on how many trips I make to Walmart and Albertsons during the week and it helps me with healthier choices. Each parent is different and chooses what's best for their children. I am not one that typically chooses organic food because it's a lot more expensive. Unless you shop at Costco. I enjoy buying snacks for the boys, knowing I'm getting them healthier food. I've also started making healthier snacks at home. A couple times a week I make smoothies for lunch. But now I make extra so I can make the boys smoothie popsicles. The boys get a healthy treat without a lot of sugar and I don't have to deal with the repercussions of a sugar high. It's a win-win.
I'm still working on getting more veggies into their day. I'm not one of those parents who loses sleep over my boys' diets or read labels when grocery shopping (Not that there's anything wrong with that in the least!!). But there are certain things I've slowly changed in their diets and I'm feeling good about the healthier eating that's taking place in our home. Now to lose the last of that baby weight...

Some of my canning ingredients

What is currently canned in our pantry

Pickles and peppers freshly canned

Lunch: raspberries, cucumbers, muffin, cheese and milk

Smoothie pops: milk, apple juice, banana, blueberry greek yogurt, raspberries, peaches and a little bit of cucumber

No Title Needed

The reason why I've been MIA lately with this blog is not because we haven't been having fun (How can you not have fun when you're going to water parks, having sleepovers, getting ready for the new school year, having company over for dinner and canning until your little heart's content???) but because I've been surrounded by a dark cloud of cancer and death in recent months. Despite having fun, the dark cloud has consumed my thoughts and quite frankly, it's been hard to break free from it and blog about all the fun we truly are having.
I guess it started in 2003 when my Papa died and then my mom had major complications from surgery. But it climaxed when I laid in the same hospital room as my Nana while she took her last breath, losing her battle against breast cancer. As selfish as it sounds, I didn't want to be in there with her because I knew I wasn't strong enough to handle it. We were just waiting until the last visitor left so I could make a quiet exit myself. But it didn't work that way and I've had a hard time processing death ever since then. I internalize it. I cry when no one is around. I don't want to talk about it. I want to pretend it didn't happen. And I really don't want to hear people say, "I'm sorry". Everyone deals differently with death. My husband seems obsessed with death and seems to enjoy going to funerals. For me, I want to remember people as they were when they were healthy and not be part of the formal grieving process of attending a funeral.
Well, the past few months I've been dealing with it all. Earlier this year you may remember that I blogged about a former co-worker who lost her battle to cancer, leaving her 3 adolescent sons orphaned due to their dad being killed by a drunk driver. Then Ruby died unexpectedly in June, which has been a lot harder on me than I thought. She drove me absolutely batty but the things that I got frustrated with are the things I miss the most. I blame myself and Rob for her death and that's hard to deal with. I cry most every time we go to Bass Pro because of all the pictures of labs duck hunting. Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He had surgery for it a week and a half ago and we find out tomorrow if he's truly cancer free. I've been sitting on pins and needles, waiting for those results because I can't imagine my world if the biopsy doesn't come back benign. On Saturday night we got a call that some close friends back home were in a horrific car wreck on their way to their annual hunting trip. One of them had to be life flighted to Reno and, although I am so incredibly thankful that he's alive and not paralyzed, he has a long road ahead of him with recovering from a collapsed lung and broken bones in his neck, back, ribs and sternum. I was awake most of Saturday night, waiting to hear if Lee would pull through the night and be okay. Then a close college friend lost her battle against breast cancer last night. She leaves behind two young children and a husband who loved her more than I can express with mere words. It sucks. All of it. They say bad things happen in 3s but apparently my life didn't get the memo because I've had more than 3 in 2014.
The one redeeming thing is knowing that God is in charge of it all, even though I have more questions than answers. When my Nana died the family went out to eat after leaving the hospital. When we pulled up to the restaurant there was a double rainbow, something I had never seen before. Now it seems like, whenever someone close to me passes away, I see a double rainbow, a symbol of God's love and promises. Today was no exception. After it rained I felt compelled to go check if there was a rainbow and sure enough, directly in front of our house, was a beautiful double rainbow. I thought of my dear friend, Jen, and was reminded that she is no longer in pain, no longer suffering. I'm thankful for those simple reminders, a promise that, despite how it may seem at the time, life will get better.