Limbo

It's been awhile and it's going to be awhile longer. The truth is I don't have anything to write about. Sure, I can write about:

*The fun the boys and I are having in Cali with my family.

* Seeing my brother for the first time since last Summer.

* E's health concerning Lyme disease.

*The success of my photography business.

*P getting straight As in school and getting ready to finish his 1st grade year.

But I can't write what's really on my heart, what keeps me in prayer most hours of the day. My life feels like a big game of Limbo right now and at any moment I'm going to successfully slide under the stick or slam smack dab into it. One of these days I might write about this Limbo game. Maybe.
But until then be patient. I will write again.... some day.

Mommy Guilt...Why?

I'm sitting at my desk, editing a gorgeous senior session and praying that a) I have a cold and not allergies (I am so not ready to deal with non-stop allergies) and b) That said cold will be gone by tomorrow since I have P's fieldtrip to attend, when I hear the melodic sound of the boys' laughter coming from the back yard. And I immediately feel guilty. Guilty that I'm working and not playing with them. But why? It's obvious that they don't need me to entertain them 24/7 by the sound of laughter filling my ears. Today's society, however, has become one of instant gratification. Kids don't know how to just be bored, how to entertain themselves using their imagination. Our boys, who watch limited TV and play very little video games, are guilty of this as well. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault. Since Day 1 of P's life, I've kept him busy, exploring things, going places and being surrounded by people. E hasn't fallen into that pattern as easily because of different circumstances but the boys and I still lead a busy life. When I was a kid my brother and I were allowed to watch 1/2 hour of TV a day (except Saturday cartoons) and video games were a luxury. We played outside pretty much from sun up to sun down without our parents watching our every move. We knew where we could go and what we were not allowed to do. I have countless childhood memories filled with fun times with friends. Although we were a tightknit family and my parents made our childhood fun, I remember so much more with my friends than my parents. That's because my parents didn't feel the need to entertain us all the time. So I need to stop feeling guilty and just enjoy hearing the boys play together, using their imaginations and just being brothers. Generation after generation before us has let kids be kids, without adults constantly entertaining them, and they've turned out just fine. So now it's time to put away the mommy guilt and do the same. Then maybe, just maybe, they'll grow up appreciating their childhood as much as I did.

DIET

In my opinion, DIET is the worst 4 letter word out there. For 3 years now I've complained about my extra baby weight, wanting to get back down to where I feel confident in how I look. I've tried...unsuccessfully...to lose weight several times. I tried to start eating healthier again a couple weeks ago and work out a little. But here's what I've learned about dieting:
1. If I'm told I can't do something I will. It's just my personality. So when certain foods are off limits those are the foods I gravitate to. I already have a sweet tooth but knowing I "can't" have candy just makes that craving worse.
2. I'm a yesterday girl. I want results...NOW! So, after eating healthy for a few days, when Rob had lost a couple pounds, I saw absolutely no results. Rob tried to convince me that muscle weighs more than fat but I don't think my muscles got that big after 2 days of P90x.
So, I've decided that I'm just not good at dieting. I will continue to gripe about my weight and how I'm limited in clothing because of it. Yet I won't give up Cadbury eggs, Girl Scout cookies, Reese's PB cups, Blue Bell ice cream, etc. One of these days I'll get my act together and get my baby weight off but until then I think I hear Cadbury eggs calling my name!