Bah Humbug

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and I don't want to celebrate it. I want to stay in bed and let the day pass. Nothing seems normal this Christmas season. We did not go to the lighting of the City Hall Christmas tree. We did not candy cane bomb cars. We did not do Christmas parties. We did not do a big family gathering with Rob's side of the family. The town Christmas parade got cancelled. We didn't send out Christmas cards. Our friend Jonathan and his siblings aren't doing their infamous gingerbread house competition that I look forward to every year. I had to talk the boys into sitting on Santa's lap because they said it was going to be too weird. My heart wasn't into Christmas shopping this year. (The only thing I truly enjoyed was baking for others.) Our Christmas tree died a week after we got it so we haven't turned the lights on in fear it'll catch fire. Christmas gifts still haven't arrived because they got lost in the mail. The only thing that is remotely the same is our elf on the shelf. But, even that wasn't the same because the boys were not overly enthusiastic about him like years past. I miss my family terribly. Every time I think about tomorrow I tear up because it'll be the second Christmas in a row that I won't be with my family. I am trying to be happy, knowing it's about celebrating Jesus's birth and not about all the other stuff. I know we are blessed with so much, including our health and good jobs. But it's hard. I will put on a brave face for the boys and will cherish the memories we'll create tonight and tomorrow morning. But, deep down, I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's 2021.