A Breakdown of Some Kind

 I am a planner, a multitasker, a hard worker and someone who has a difficult time asking for help. Most of the time that works to my benefit but this week it did me in...and it's only Wednesday. My week usually consists of working 40+ hours a week, cooking as many homemade meals as we can squeeze into our schedules, going to the gym 3-4 times a week, cleaning the house, keeping up with the laundry and being a taxi. Most weeks I've got it covered. I don't ask for help and, sadly, my parents don't live close by to help me juggle the craziness. So I make it work when there's a conflict with Rob's schedule.

Today, however, I thought I was going to have a breakdown. Anxiety? Stress induced? I don't know. Maybe it just boiled down to being sleep deprived (thanks to our mutt keeping me awake from 2:30am on) and the end of the school year stress combo. All I know is that at any given moment I could've curled up into a ball and cried. Rob had a family emergency so I had to figure out how to get P to worship practice for the praise band at 5, get E to baseball practice from 7-8 and pick P up from church at 7:30. Since I can only be so many places at once, something had to give. Unfortunately it was E's practice. But, in true E fashion, he took it like a champ. Instead he went with me to get groceries and then to my gym. We finished the evening by having a picnic on the church grounds from one of his favorite places, Panda Express.

I know he didn't care that his stuff got pushed off the schedule but I felt loads of "Mom guilt". It's a real thing, but sometimes I can only do so much. I wanted to document this for the future, for the boys to read when they're older, for them to realize that I tried but sometimes I came up short. And that's ok. I bust my butt every day of every week ("Relax" is not a word that pops up in my vocabulary often.), but even then it doesn't always work out as planned. There's always tomorrow....and tomorrow will be a day I am looking forward to because I am going to enjoy a much needed massage after work.