Shaming

 I know....3 posts in one day?? Say it ain't so!! This one won't be long just a "food for thought" blog so when I'm older or the boys go back and read these blogs, this time in our history will be something to learn from...hopefully.

I don't know what made me think this. Maybe something on the radio or something I read in People magazine? I don't remember but today I've thought a lot about how easy it has become for our society to play the "shame game". I don't remember when "Cancel Culture" or the "shame game" began. My guess is probably 2020 because that's when everything went down.

But I started thinking about everything that people shame each other about. People are shamed if they don't vote for a certain candidate. They are shamed if they don't get the Covid vaccination. They are shamed if they listen to or watch a certain artist or watch a certain sport if there's a political/racial stance involved. They are shamed for living in a certain state or going to a certain church.

Why? Why is this necessary? I have long since learned in my 40+ years on this Earth that people will disagree with you. I started typing out details about people I am close to that support or don't support certain things and why, but this is not their thoughts so there's no need to throw them under the bus. What I can say is that the world would be boring if we all agreed on everything. It is not someone else's right to shame you if they don't agree. As my mom has told me more times than I can count, "We can disagree and disagree agreeably." Please people, don't shame others because they have different views than you. Simply appreciate that they are their own person, with their own moral compass, with their own mind that can form their own opinions....and move on. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what other people do/say and shaming them if they don't agree with you so move on. You'll be much happier. I guarantee it.

Growing Up and Switching Roles

I look at our boys on a daily basis, thankful for the age they are at. I didn't like the newborn phase. I liked the toddler years okay. But, I LOVE this age they are both at now. When they were younger, our oldest was definitely a mama's boy and our youngest couldn't get enough of his daddy's attention. I remember complaining to Rob, saying that I wanted E to cherish me as much as he cherished Rob. And Rob would tell me that, as they grow, things will shift. There will be times I'll be closer to P and times I'll be close to E. I didn't believe him.

Now I do. E and I have formed a bond over the past several months like none we've had before. I am the one he comes to when he is scared or anxious about something. He likes to cuddle with me when we're watching a family movie. He chooses to ride in the car with me instead of Rob (but who wouldn't make that same choice?? HA!). 

It's not that P and I aren't close right now. In fact, I am extremely thankful that we have the type of relationship we do. He is very open with me (and Rob) and asks questions because he knows we'll give him answers. He has his first girlfriend and he asks a lot of relationship/boy-girl questions. Sometimes we discuss something in depth. Other times the answer is, "That's information that you don't need right now but we will tell you when we think you are ready." And he accepts that because he trusts that we know best. Recently he asked to go to a concert with a friend of his that we didn't know. Rob and I both stood firm and told him no, stating our reasons why. On Friday I found out a little more about the kid's family life and was glad we had told P no. Another reason why I feel we are close is that we respect that he's at an awkward phase in life. There are times he holes up in his room and acts like a teenager. There are other times he gives us big bear hugs and tells us how much he loves us or cuddles with us on the couch while we watch TV. We belly laugh about silly things, but talk in depth about serious things. I validate his feelings when needed because I remember how this is an awkward age. But, through it all, we give him space to figure it all out right now. We don't push him to act a certain way and I think he appreciates that.

P is closer with Rob right now. They have a lot of father/son time in which they have conversations that I don't need to be a part of. I am not jealous of their relationship the way I was with E and Rob a few years ago. Why? Because I appreciate that Rob is there for him, guiding him and teaching him life lessons. I appreciate that P chooses his dad over me because for many years that wasn't the case.

I am glad Rob was right. I am glad that we have our unique time with each boy. When E is at baseball academy, we have special time with P. When P is at youth group, we have special time with E. Lately, that has become a date night for me and E, something I thoroughly enjoy. I don't take for granted the time we spend together, as a family or on an individual basis. P made a comment yesterday that he'll be out of the house in 5 1/2 years. It doesn't seem possible but you better believe I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it and will cherish the memories when he does indeed spread his wings and fly. We are blessed and I am thankful that God has given me the life He has!

Good Morning from the Woods

 I’m currently sitting in a “shooting house” (a big box on a platform), eating my Quest bar and drinking my Espresso Mocha, trying to keep warm and watching the woods wake up. This is the first season I’ve thoroughly enjoyed hunting. 15 years ago, if you would’ve asked me if I would’ve started my day like this I would’ve laughed. I wasn’t opposed to hunting back then. In fact, I had been “hunting” once before with an ex-boyfriend. If you could call it that. A group of us drove around, looking for a deer to shoot from the car. Thankfully none were killed that day and in hindsight I realize that wasn’t hunting.

Hunting is sitting for hours, sometimes in the heat and sometimes in the bitter cold, listening and observing. It’s about deciferring between a squirrel and a deer making noise. It’s about talking to God while surrounded by His creation. It’s about bonding with your kids. This season P and I hunted a lot together. There was a little spike that came out almost every time we hunted together. So we named it Mike and made up stories about the little spike. Hands down, my most memorable hunt was with E early in the season. We were in a ground blind and deer were all around us. I watched two bucks fight. I watched a buck chase a couple does. It was such a fun hunt even though we didn’t kill a deer. Another magical hunt was around New Years when P and I sat in a “shooting house”, watching it snow. The woods were covered in white and it was beautiful.

A misconception about hunting is that it’s all about killing. One thing it is not about is shooting every deer that walks in front of you. If that was the case, we’d have a freezer full of meat every season. We have some pretty strict “rules” about what to shoot and what to let walk. That’s why it’s special when one of us does harvest a deer. Let’s take P for example. He hunted hard this season. Hunted almost every weekend. Sat in exposed tree stands in temps that dropped to the teens. He let several deer walk because he wanted his first real buck to be one he was proud of. That moment came last night when he shot a mature 8pt. I was so proud of him!’ His smile was from ear to ear the entire night.

I’m proud that we can harvest our own organic meat. It is 1000x healthier than anything you can buy in the store. I can go more into depth about my thoughts about deer vs store bought meat but I won’t.

So, today, I finish out the hunting season. There’s a high probability that I won’t see anything and that’s ok. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve shot a deer, despite seeing dozens of them. For me, right now, I’m just happy being in the woods, watching the world wake up and thanking God for another beautiful day!

Gifting Memories

 Last year, at Christmas, we decided that the boys have enough stuff. So, instead of buying them toys that they will outgrow soon, we decided that their big gift will be an experience. This past Christmas we gifted them a trip to San Diego to see my brother and his family (and their beautiful new house). The boys and I played hooky for school for a day and flew to San Diego. 

It was such a fun and memorable trip!! The boys bonded with their little cousins and we made the most of every minute there. We walked our legs off at the zoo. We explored and oohed and aahhed at Legoland. We observed sea animals in their natural environment after climbing down to the tide pools. And P got to experience something that most 12 years do not- he got to record a song in a state of the art recording studio.

We laughed. We talked. We went on walks. We watched movies. We ate great food. We freaked out over a tsunami warning. We played. We sang and danced. We cried when we said goodbye. We created memories.

Stormy Afternoon

It's a stormy afternoon so I figured I'd use the time to blog. A week later and I’m still in the same head space. I don’t know if it’s the ramifications of Covid or my vein ablation but I’m still so lethargic. The boys were at camp this week and I started back to school with professional development days. By the time the sun went down Thursday and Friday I was exhausted. I’d either take a nap, go to bed early or both. But, despite being worn out, we did have a few fun things take place this week and most of it centered around E.

For his birthday, we paid for him to go to horse camp, which he got to do this week. He LOVED it! He didn’t get to ride on the horses as long as I’d hoped but he didn’t care. He thoroughly enjoyed mucking their stalls, feeding them and loving on them. He loved it so much that he begged us to start horse riding lessons. We have so much on our calendars that something had to give. So we decided to put piano lessons to the side for this semester, since he doesn’t love playing the piano right now as it is. He starts horse lessons later this month and he can hardly wait.

The other thing that FINALLY happened this week was his birthday party. It’s not like it had been postponed that long, but it was postponed long enough that we had to revamp his birthday plans. He didn’t get to go ice skating like he usually does. His party was also a lot smaller than originally planned due to some of the boys being out of town or having previous commitments. But he had a lot of fun at TopGolf with a couple friends. Then one of the boys spent the night. They hit a piñata, roasted S’mores and “camped” out in the living room. E didn’t seem to mind that his bday party was so different from the original plan.

The last thing that brought happiness to my life happened this weekend. We discussed vacation plans for this year. We have some tried and true trips happening, but we’re also going to some new places as well. Traveling makes me happy, happy, happy so I can’t wait for our trips to happen….starting this week! Hopefully our travel plans will put me in a better frame of mind.

Happy New Year....2020 too (I hope not!)

 The holidays have come and gone and it's now a new year. Usually that gets me excited. A new year, new adventures, new opportunities. But this year I'm blah, which started the week of Christmas. Let me backtrack.... Rob and I were intentional in what activities we did in December. In years past I have crammed in so much that Christmas passes in a blur and somehow the Reason gets lost in the shuffle. This year we limited ourselves.

At the beginning of the month, the boys and I ran the Tiger 5k. It was E's first 5k and my first time placing Top 3 in my age division. That was the weekend we also went to our church's Christmas celebration. It is a beautiful event that I always look forward to, to kick off the Christmas season. But, that was the same weekend that our dog ran away so everything was overshadowed by that. Thankfully we got him back the next day and all was well in our world. But that should have been a tall tale sign for what the rest of December held.

Other than a dinner with some of my co-workers, my job nor Rob's held a Christmas party like in years past. (I always look forward to those.) I tried to surprise the boys with a Snow and Glow event that the local hospital puts together. But the snow was mostly melted and P felt he was too old for it. It wasn't as fun as I thought it'd be. The one thing the boys and I thoroughly enjoyed was the town Christmas parade. That's another favorite event I enjoy. Last year it was cancelled, making it even more special this year. Another annual tradition that we all enjoy is that our elf spends about a month with us, getting into all kinds of mischievous. The boys thoroughly enjoy it, especially E, since he still believes in the magic of Christmas.

We celebrated an early Christmas with Rob's family before my parents came to town...and then we all got Covid or Covid-like symptoms. It didn't make for a fun visit for my parents. Usually when we are going to see them or they are coming to see us, my mom and I start a countdown a week or two beforehand. We didn't do that this time. Usually when we visit each other we cram as much into our time together as possible. That didn't happen either. Due to unseasonably warm temperatures, we were able to enjoy a few hours of fishing the day after Christmas. We didn't catch much but it was nice to get out of the house. By the time E's bday rolled around, we had to cancel his party due to Covid and have a low-key family celebration at the house. We tried to make it fun- S'mores, donuts for breakfast, Chick Fil A for dinner and fireworks to top off the day. But, he told me more than once that he was bored and wished he could have his birthday party.

By the time my parents left to fly back home there were no tears from any of us, something that has never happened since we moved here. I think we were all kind of over feeling sick and quarantining. I felt like all we did while they were here was sleep, watch TV (lots and lots and lots of TV!!) and play board games. It definitely wasn't the most fun trip, but I am thankful that we got to see them a lot more in 2021 than in the "forgotten year" of 2020.

I saw a meme that said "2020 is pronounced 2020 too". I sure pray that's wrong. I am ready to put all this stupid Covid behind us. Unfortunately, I think it's like the flu and will be around from here on out. It'll be a crapshoot every year as to whether we get it... despite being vaccinated. So I'm not excited about this year like I was at the start of last year. I am looking forward to some upcoming trips, but other than that, there's nothing to grab my excitement this year. I know we had a nice Christmas. I know we are blessed more than so many more. But, sometimes our heart just isn't into it, and that's where I'm currently at. 

Hopefully this is just a case of the "post Christmas blues" and this too shall pass.