Oh, the Negativity!

 Self doubt. Self negativity. One in the same I guess. But I am the queen of it. I can point out every physical and personality fault that I possess. I feel like I am short tempered with the boys because it feels like all they do is argue, cry or tattle. I feel like I am the strictest teacher there is because I demand so much of my students. Although I am rocking a weight loss challenge I signed up for, I can still point out all my physical faults. Obviously, it's not something I go around spouting off but it is something I think about when someone compliments me. I want to say, "Thanks, but...."

That being said, I have had a lot of people complimenting me on things I have been known to obsess over. Last week I was irritated because my classes were all acting crazy. When I thought I was at the end of my rope with my patience, a sweet tutor who works with my students daily, asked "Have you ever watched 'One Calls the Heart'?" She went on to tell me that I remind her of a teacher that is on the series because the teacher is compassionate and patient with her students. Me?? I don't see that but I'm glad she does. At a wedding last night, a lady with whom I've only met twice told me she could tell I was a teacher because of my bubbly personality. I don't think, in my entire life, anyone has referred to me as bubbly but it made me smile because I have been working on being more outgoing, smiling more. Last night, at the wedding, I also had several people tell me how pretty I looked. One twenty-something year old girl told me she really liked my dress. It put a smile on my face, knowing my hard work is paying off.

I wish a few heartfelt compliments would cancel out my negative thoughts. But, sometimes it gets the best of me. Lately, however, it has been kept at bay. Maybe it's because the weight loss challenge is making me feel better about myself. Or maybe it's because this week has been warm, which always makes me happy since I love to be outside. Or maybe I'm just growing up and learning my self worth. Whatever it is, I'm glad the negativity hasn't consumed me recently. If you deal with this as well, I challenge you to find the good in your life, the things you're proud of. And surround yourself with kind people. It helps tremendously!

Icecalopyse 2021

 Last week we were supposed to be in Nashville, enjoying our Mardi Gras break. Instead we were freezing during a historic ice storm that made its way through the South. It probably would have been more enjoyable had we not lost power for 38 hours. But we made the best of it. Rob was “out of town” on storm work so the boys and I played lost of Yahtzee and Name that Tune. When our house got really cold (no fireplace thanks to the previous owners and temps in the teens outside) we bundled in sleeping bags and blankets and told stories. I was thankful that our neighbors took in our little gecko to keep warm in front of their fireplace. I was also thankful that it was cold enough that we didn’t have to worry about losing groceries due to the power outage. I was also thankful for the neighbors who made me coffee each morning and friends who offered us a warm place to stay. I wasn’t willing to leave the dogs but we did run up the road to Rob’s hotel the second day so I could take a hot shower and we could warm up for a couple hours. It was glorious! What I was most thankful for is when our power came back on. I’ve never been without electricity for that long. Once it came on, I was able to enjoy the beauty of the storm.

Hard to believe that was a week ago and today I was almost sweating in 70+ temps. 2021 is rolling in the way 2020 went out and I’m tired of living through historical events. So if 2021 could mellow out I’d be most appreciative! Until the next historical event...

An Update on Life

 In the past month a lot of things have happened in our little family. Both boys killed their first bucks and our freezer is overflowing with meat. (Yay!!) Both boys began football and are killing it out on the field. Both boys play defense and are so good. P is like the defensive coordinator for his team and E is just happy not to be on offense. (But slays it when he is!) 

    A couple weeks ago, I took a girls' trip to Nashville and had an absolute blast. Not once did I think, "I wish I was single again so I could live this life all the time." But I did have so much fun escaping reality for a couple days. Another exciting thing is that I won a one year membership to a local gym and joined a 6 week fitness challenge. I'm down 9 lbs and have so much more energy. The only thing that is hindering me is that I have an injured rib at the moment, causing workouts to be painful...or nonexistent. I slipped on a newly mopped floor and hit my ribs on the side of a table as I went down. I don't know if it's cracked or bruised but I'm going on two weeks in pain. Thankfully, as of Thursday, I am back to sleeping in our bed instead of the recliner.     

P got the flu a few weeks ago. It wasn't all that bad, but we were told that's because he had gotten his flu shot a couple months ago. He had to do virtual school for a week, which caused him (and me) a lot of frustration and bad grades. Made me appreciate what my 5th graders went through earlier this year when they were all on the hybrid model- going to school 2-3 days a week and learning from home the other days. The only sad thing that's happened recently is that Liz the chameleon died. E took it harder than I thought he would, considering we only had her for a month. I think he enjoyed her so much because he was 100% in charge of her and didn't have to share her with anyone else. But I assured him we'd get another one soon. 

Well, there you have it. I guess that's about all on our life updates. We've been really busy and have not enjoyed too many homecooked meals together lately. But, after last year, I am not complaining in the least. I like that life is pretty much back to normal for our family. 

Goodbye 2020!

While Christmas was better than I thought it'd be and E's birthday was fun, I can say I am glad this year will be behind us in 5 hours. Even with the pandemic, historic hurricane season, racial tension, presidential election issues and murder hornets (was that ever really a thing??) there have been some bright spots and good memories in 2020. I got to see my parents this year, even if it was only for a weekend. My brother survived a bad bout of Covid. He was one of the first Covid cases in Southern California so it was a very scary time for us while we navigated this new virus. We bought 10 acres in April and have enjoyed spending time there during this crazy year. We went primitive camping for the first time as a family. We didn't get much sleep but we created a lot of fun memories. P got to go to church camp for the first time, which he thoroughly enjoyed. I was stretched more than I imagined with virtual teaching. It caused tears for me, the parents and the students but we got through it and I know I can do it again if needed. We found the perfect home for our dog, Charlie, and adopted another dog. He's a great dog but is currently a nervous wreck because of the fireworks. Ha! This Fall my beautiful niece was born and I can't wait to meet her in person. Thankfully we have FaceTime so I get to see her quite a bit. We traveled more than we thought possible this year and explored new places. I won a year membership to a gym I've wanted to join for a long time so hopefully I'll lose my Covid weight. And in between all this we've learned how to slow down. We've spent a lot of family time together...and have enjoyed it. We've learned how to play new games. We've enjoyed a lot of walks around the neighborhood and local park. We've enjoyed more home cooked meals than usual. And we've appreciated our health. 2020 has been exhausting and I am ready for the NEW, but I am thankful for all the bright spots, the things the Lord has blessed us with and the memories we've created this year. 2020 will definitely be a year we never forget!

Bah Humbug

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and I don't want to celebrate it. I want to stay in bed and let the day pass. Nothing seems normal this Christmas season. We did not go to the lighting of the City Hall Christmas tree. We did not candy cane bomb cars. We did not do Christmas parties. We did not do a big family gathering with Rob's side of the family. The town Christmas parade got cancelled. We didn't send out Christmas cards. Our friend Jonathan and his siblings aren't doing their infamous gingerbread house competition that I look forward to every year. I had to talk the boys into sitting on Santa's lap because they said it was going to be too weird. My heart wasn't into Christmas shopping this year. (The only thing I truly enjoyed was baking for others.) Our Christmas tree died a week after we got it so we haven't turned the lights on in fear it'll catch fire. Christmas gifts still haven't arrived because they got lost in the mail. The only thing that is remotely the same is our elf on the shelf. But, even that wasn't the same because the boys were not overly enthusiastic about him like years past. I miss my family terribly. Every time I think about tomorrow I tear up because it'll be the second Christmas in a row that I won't be with my family. I am trying to be happy, knowing it's about celebrating Jesus's birth and not about all the other stuff. I know we are blessed with so much, including our health and good jobs. But it's hard. I will put on a brave face for the boys and will cherish the memories we'll create tonight and tomorrow morning. But, deep down, I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's 2021. 

Christmas Struggles

 Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. But, sadly for some, it's not. For us, Christmas is usually the most stressful time of the year. Trying to coordinate schedules to get to Christmas parties and do all the Christmas shopping while making time for traditions and memories doesn't make for a relaxing Christmas holiday. This year's struggles are different. While we have been spending a lot of time as a family, I am struggling with what activities are safe to do and which ones need to be skipped. Our church puts on a HUGE Christmas event every year, which has become part of our annual traditions. This year, however, we are going to skip it. We may do the drive thru nativity scene but we will not take part in singing Christmas songs in the sanctuary. Neither Rob nor I want to take a risk on getting quarantined, nor do we want to get others sick. Sitting on Santa's lap will most likely get skipped as well. If the boys do decide they want to sit on his lap, it will definitely be a different experience from years past.

Another, non-Covid related, struggle is our Christmas tree. We have had live trees my entire life. We used to drive to the mountains with families from our church and cut down the perfect tree. We'd make a day out of it and pray for snow to play in. (I doubt my dad prayed for the snow since he was the one having to haul the tree back to the car!) Now we go to tree lots to find the perfect tree. The problem is, however, that our tree dies about two weeks in no matter what we do to take care of it. By Christmas morning there's more needles on the ground (and gifts!) than on the tree. This is the first year I've toyed with the idea of buying an artificial tree. I can't quite warm up to the idea though. Maybe it's because of the memories that surround searching for the real tree. Maybe it's the nostalgia of putting the lights on it and enjoying its uniqueness. I don't know, but it is nice to have an "unrelated from Covid" struggle. Ha!

Whatever your struggles may be, I hope you find happiness this year. I hope you're able to enjoy the special moments that Christmas brings, whether it's more family time or finding the perfect tree. I hope you realize that, despite the struggles that Christmas can bring, you are blessed. If I don't get around to blogging again before Christmas, I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas!

Covid Sucks....Just Sayin'

 It's not just Covid that sucks. It's this whole year. There, I said it. 

Last month I was all excited to go visit one of my closest friends, a friend whom I met in college 20+ years ago. (Wow! That makes me sound old.) We don't see each other as often as I'd like, but when we do we pick up right where we left off. The night before my flight I started to get anxious. I never get anxious over flying. Never. But I continued to pack my bags, putting aside my worry. Friday I left school right when the bell rang so I could race to the airport. But the closer I got to the airport, the more nervous I got. I wasn't nervous about the flight itself. I was nervous about wearing a mask for hours, being in a confined plane with people breathing the same air. Something I've never worried about before. The closer I got to the airport the more I prayed, "Lord, if this isn't Your will then close the doors." Well, guess what? He did. Technically He broke the door but it's all the same. After 3 delays, 2 announcements that I'd miss connecting flights and a call that my BIL had been taken to the hospital for liver failure I knew I wasn't supposed to go visit my friend. When I went to the podium to cancel my flight, I asked the ticket counter guy (Is that their official title??) why there were so many delays. He said, "The door of the plane is broken and we can't figure out what's going on with it." See? God literally broke the door instead of just closing it.

Another reason Covid sucks? The holidays! I'm huge into tradition and family and memories and all things Christmas, starting with Thanksgiving. To be honest, Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday but it kicks off the Christmas season so I like it for that reason. This year I didn't get to see my parents. (In fact, I haven't seen them since January and the boys haven't seen them since last Summer.) Then Thanksgiving was just odd. I am not naturally a hugger but Rob's family is. There weren't hugs exchanged and we kind of kept our distance from each other. As soon as the meal was over and we cleaned up, Rob, the boys and I got back in the car and headed home. I thought about early Black Friday shopping but none of the stores were open. (I'm good with that because those poor retail people need a day off!) Overall, it was just an odd day filled with good food.

The closer we get to Christmas, the more things get cancelled and the more paranoid I get about quarantining. Don't get me wrong. I am not concerned in the least about getting Covid. I'm worried about missing out because I have to quarantine. I am so thankful that the students were able to come back to school after the Thanksgiving week because this is my favorite time of the year to teach. That being said, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize missing out on what's left of the Christmas festivities because of Covid. Already, all work Christmas parties were cancelled. The boys don't want to do Santa pictures because they will be separated from him by plexiglass. Our church is doing a drive-thru Christmasville this year when in years past the kids have been able to sit on Santa's lap after riding a little train, enjoying the petting zoo and watching the Christmas Story come alive. This year we won't get to see my parents once again and I'm sure it'll just be the 4 of us on Christmas day. We've only done that once before and I wasn't a huge fan. Like I said, I like family and memories at Christmas, which includes Christmas day itself.

But it is what it is. Someday we'll look back on this year as a year of historical events....Covid, an unprecedented hurricane season, Kamala Harris becoming the first female Vice President. But right now I see 2020 as the year nothing went as planned. It is what it is. Bah Humbug!