Making or Breaking?

Maybe it's because I have a Bachelor's in Child Development (basically child psychology) or maybe it's because I am a mom to two very different kids. But, I've been thinking a lot this week about making or breaking a child. I have heard two people speak to two different kids in two different settings in ways that make my heart sad. I have no doubt that either person meant to hurt the child's feelings or harm them in any physical way but it's just made me think. I feel that adults (parents, teachers, coaches, etc) have an important job in a child's life. It's to help a child without tearing them down. It's to understand that a child does not cognitively have the same ability as an adult. It's to build self esteem, highlight a child's strengths instead of always harping on their shortcomings. It's to make them feel safe, to feel loved. A child should not feel that s/he has to earn love and praise. It should be unconditional.
I am by no means a perfect parent so please don't think I am pointing fingers. I lose my patience with the best of them. I make sarcastic comments and see the hurt I have caused. But I try. I try to love on both of our boys equally. I try to discipline them equally. I try to encourage their strengths equally. All the while knowing that our boys are as different as night and day. Both are smart and strong and brave in their own ways. I want to start acknowledging that more.
Here's why. By the time the boys become teenagers, their mental foundation has basically been set. What they have heard over and over again is what becomes engrained in their mind. It can become their focal point. I want those things to be positive things. I want both of our boys to feel they can conquer the world because that's what they've learned from the adults in their lives. I want them to be strong (mentally as much or more than physically) to handle what life throws their way.
I am not the type of mom to think every child deserves a trophy. I think that society has made kids too soft with that mentality. But I do think that it's vital to teach while nurturing. That doesn't mean to be soft. It just means to love. To build up. To understand. To give them your best. Because they deserve nothing less. They are our future.

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