Worrying

By nature I am not a worrier. Very rarely do I lay awake at night, worrying about things. Why? Because it's a waste of time in my opinion. Me worrying about something does not change the outcome in any way, shape, or form. That being said. there are two things I worry about more than I should. Money and weeds. Yes, you read that correctly.
The reason I think I worry about both of them is because they show my failures. There are a lot of things I am good at: being a wife, mom, teacher, photographer. Some may even say I'm a good cook, reader and singer. But the thing I am worst at, that I absolutely hate (yes, I know that "hate" is a strong word) is MATH. My mind can't wrap around numbers and I hate every minute I have to do something other than basic math facts. In fact, when I was looking for my Prince Charming I prayed for someone who was good with money, who could handle the family budget. Sadly, that's about the only thing Rob is not good at either. So I am in charge of our family budget. I worry about money because I am not good at math. So, every paycheck, I budget and every paycheck I seem to cut us short. It's a sign-in my eyes-as failure. I don't like to fail. I don't like math. I don't like budgeting. Hence the reason I worry so much about money. Every. Single. Day.
Another thing I spend too much time worrying about is weeds. I love gardening and seeing the fruits of my labor. But I do not like snakes. And snakes like tall grass, weeds, shade....especially when the heat index is over 100 degrees. So, every Spring, the yard looks great. The flower beds are weed free. You can't see a single weed around the pool area or back fence. And then one day you go out there and they are everywhere! I have failed. I can't keep the weeds out of the flowerbeds or away from the pool no matter how many hours I spend pulling them. I try but I give into my fear of snakes, knowing the weeds will still be there come Winter when the snakes have disappeared.
This morning I woke up, checked our bank account, calculated how much money we'd have left after the bills went through and then went outside and looked at all the weeds in the backyard. Talk about a disappointing way to start the day. But then I thought of Matthew 6:25-33. Will worrying make the weeds go away or put extra money in our bank account? No! The weeds will still be there and another paycheck will come in a week, replenishing our bank account. Instead I changed my focus. I thanked the Lord that Rob made it safely out of a horrendous storm he was in this weekend...on a body of water, in his boat. I thanked the Lord for Rob's new job. Not to brag on him, but he beat out 30+ people who applied for the same job. AND it's the third job he's applied for at Entergy...and the third job he's EARNED. (I am so incredibly proud of him and his hard work!) I thanked the Lord for the little boy giggles down the hall where E and his best friend had just woken up. I thanked the Lord for our beautiful house...weeds and all. I thanked the Lord for our good health and all that He's blessed us with. And I thanked Him for my failures because they humble me. I am far from perfect and the reminders of that can be painful. But I am glad He made me the way He designed...flaws and all.

Blasting Off at Summer's End

Reality has set in. 10 days from now I will have to wake up to alarm clock. I will have to dress in something other than yoga pants and a ball cap. I will have to wear close-toed shoes instead of sandals (yuck!!).
I am always thankful that I get to spend Summers with our boys, doing fun things and making memories. This Summer hasn't been as busy as last Summer but it's been a nice mix between relaxing and fun. It's been oh so good to wake up at will, drink a HOT cup of coffee and play I Spy, Go Fish with E every morning. We have also done the fun Summer things- the water park, sleepovers, birthday parties, a football team pool party, BBQs, snowballs, VBS, family pool time, fro-yo, the movies and trips.
Our latest, and last, trip of Summer was to Texas. The boys and I crashed Rob's work trip and stayed with him a couple days. We also drove into Houston to visit the Space Center. If you have never been and are in the Houston area, I HIGHLY recommend it! We had so much fun, spending the day learning about astronauts, the ISS (That's the cool lingo for "International Space Station"), how things work in Space and aerodynamics. After leaving there we stopped at a lakefront park so the boys could get even more energy out. It's funny to me, though, that even when we do new things or pack a vacation with fun stuff, the boys' favorite thing is still the hotel pool. We were there every day and the boys loved it!
I am bummed that Summer is quickly coming to an end! It feels like our Summer break just began. But, like I said, I am glad that we made fun memories. I am glad that we have the means to travel and show the boys new places. I am glad that we get to enjoy Summer breaks!

9 Years Ago....

I don't give the past a whole lot of thought. I don't dwell on it because there's too much in today's world to think about. But, every year, on July 13th I will reflect on when P was a newborn. Why would I want to think about such a horrific time in our lives? Because of all the miracles and blessings that came out of such a horrible experience!
I don't remember all of the 3-4 day time frame when our worlds were turned upside down. I remember bits and pieces of it. I remember our pediatrician, a good friend of ours, telling us not to even go home to pack a bag but to go straight to the hospital. I remember him telling us he'd call our insurance and authorize the hospital stay because it was the best hospital around. I remember him telling us not to Google the disease he thought P had because we would not be able to cope with what we saw (to this day I've heeded his advice and have not looked up any info on it). I remember hearing on more than one occasion, "If your son gets through the next few days alive he will most likely have severe brain damage. Prepare yourself." I remember walking back to a hospital room too soon and hearing our 10 day old scream out while the doctors preformed a spinal tap on him. I remember the uncomfortable hospital chairs and sleepless nights. I remember countless tears and endless prayers.
I also remember.....
I remember our neighbors, who took charge and watched over our animals when they realized we hadn't come home from what was supposed to be a routine check up. I remember the nurses and doctors treating us like royalty. I remember the encouraging texts and phone calls. I remember my brother in law texting me the verse Isaiah 41:10, which became my lifeline ("So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.") I remember the prayer chains, people who hadn't even met our little guy, offering up prayer on his behalf. And I remember the indescribable feeling 3 days later when the doctor came in and said that, by some miracle, the disease hadn't affected P's brain and that he should make a full recovery. I remember feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off our shoulders even though we had to closely monitor him for the first year of his life.
Why remember such a horrible time in our lives? Because I don't want to forget all the miracles. Sometimes when P is talking about a Lego invention or something he's read or an episode of American Ninja Warrior I just stop and say, "Thank You, Lord, for this miracle. Thank You that our little boy came through it all like a champ." There are some things in life that are worth remembering because of the good that came from it all. And this is one of those things I'll never forget...and will always be thankful for the outcome!

Blessed

As I drifted off to sleep last night it was far from silent in our house. P was listening to music on his Google device. Rob was talking to a co-worker about a job he had interviewed for. E and one of his friends were discussing football cards in his room. I laid there, listening to it all, taking in how blessed I am. Growing up, we had a "Leave It To Beaver" life. It wasn't perfect, just like our lives aren't today, but it was good. No it was great. My brother and I always had friends over. My mom fed countless mouths. It seemed our guest room usually had a guest in it. Our house was full and so was our hearts. As an adult, I wanted that same thing. One day when I had kids I wanted to be the "go-to" house. When Rob and I bought this house one thing that attracted us was the pool. We knew that if we had a pool it'd be where all the kids wanted to be. Our pool hasn't been used as much this Summer as it had been last year, but last night, when I was making dinner I realized that my dream came true. I was feeding two extra mouths. At bedtime I was putting an extra boy to sleep on a makeshift bed. We have become my childhood home. I can't count how many extra mouths I have fed since we bought our house a year and a half ago....some invited, some last minute. There have been times when I've scrambled to change and wash the sheets before the next guest arrived. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Another blessing that I never take for granted is that I have the luxury of being a part time working mom, meaning I'm always home with the boys. Yesterday I took P to the doctor for a wellness visit. Then we met friends for CFA's Cow Appreciate Day and topped it off with a trip to the local water park. I didn't have to drop them off at a Summer camp so I could rush off to work. I didn't have to leave directions for a babysitter or nanny so I could do a 9-5 job. I get to make memories with our boys. Some days we meet with friends. Other days we run errands. And some days we just lay low at home. But we get to spend our days together and I love it! And during the school year, I get to take the boys to school, listening to the Bobby Bones Show on the radio. I sit in carpool in the afternoon, eagerly awaiting to hear about their day. It's nothing I take for granted. I know I am blessed to have the life we have.
Our life is far from perfect- Rob and I bicker, the boys bicker, the dog runs off, money gets tight. But I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I will gladly feed extra mouths and scramble to find extra room for people to sleep. I will gladly wash extra dishes (OK, Rob usually does that part!) and extra laundry to open our house to friends, family and even strangers. I am blessed and I am happy!

The Big 9

Earlier this week, our baby turned 9. This was a hard birthday for me and Rob. For me it was hard because this is the last year he'll be in the single digits...for the rest of his life. For Rob it was hard because he's now halfway to 18, adulthood. This Summer I have watched him go between childhood and teenage behavior. He's becoming more reserved. He likes to spend time in his loft, listening to music and reading or building elaborate Lego vehicles. Other times he'll use his imagination to come up with Ninja Warrior courses or think up jokes. He still likes to ride his bike with his neighborhood friend, chase lightning bugs and jump in the pool at full speed. I hold on to these childhood moments because I know they are fleeting. I cherish the times that he gets excited and talks my ear off about whatever grabbed his excitement because I have a feeling that soon he'll be subdued, limiting his childhood excitement.
This year his birthday celebration was a little more "grown up" as well. We opted out of a big elaborate party this year. He had a neighborhood friend spend the night and then we celebrated at a local trampoline park. Since he is into America Ninja Warrior right now, he loved the trampoline park obstacle courses. He chose to have a cookie cake and wanted Little Caesars pizza for his meal. He was given quite a bit of money for his birthday gifts so he used it to buy a ginormous beanbag and a couple Lego sets. This is the first year that I felt that he really thought about using his birthday money wisely, choosing things that would last. (Just another sign that he's growing up!) Although it was a low key birthday celebration, it was a lot of fun. Full of priceless memories. A birthday I soon won't forget because my baby is growing up way faster than I'm ok with!