Story of My Life Lately

Rob has been a real godsend since my surgery. He has waited on me hand and foot, won't let me lift a finger to do housework and has driven me all over town to help me run my errands. I could not ask for a better husband during this time. That being said, I think we're both ready for me to be released back to freedom. He's tired of being "Mr. Mom" and running all over the place. I am tired of being housebound and not being able to get what I want when I want. Here's an example....

I am not necessarily OCD but I am a control freak...and I will be the first to tell you that. I'm also a "yesterday girl" and want things done NOW. I couldn't wait to get our tree this year. Rob drove me to 3 different places to find the perfect tree. When we got it home, he and P immediately got it in the house and set up in the stand. I started the slow, painstaking process of putting up the lights. After putting up one (yes one!) strand, I realized the next strand was too short. I grabbed a different strand to find that it had blown and had to be thrown away. When I went to put the small strand on, it too blew a fuse and had to be thrown away. At this point, I was near tears. I was exhausted, in discomfort and was beyond frustrated that I just couldn't enjoy our tree.

So I placed a Target pick up order for yesterday after church and added more strands of lights. But they apparently only had one (yes one!) strand of lights in stock and it was only a 35 light strand. I added it to the single strand that was already on the tree and you could barely tell I had added them. Rob graciously offered to go find some lights but I knew he just wanted to relax. So I placed a grocery order for today and included the largest strand of lights in the Walmart order.

Story of my life.....They didn't have the strand I ordered so they put 2 smaller strands in my order. When Rob got home with the Walmart order, I took the lights out and couldn't wait to finish the tree. But, as luck would have it, the lights are bright white instead of the dim "off white" color of the other lights. And now one strand keeps cutting out. Plus, there's still not enough to reach the top of the tree but at this point, I'm over it. So, now my tree is done and, instead of the control freak in me kicking in, my OCD is now off the charts. I HATE not being able to do what I want, when I want!! I just want my tree to look normal. But I will look back at this year's tree as one for the books, the one that taught me that not everything has to be perfect to be enjoyed.

One strand up....

After the Target order...with one small strand added.

The wrong lights...and yet again not enough. But it is what it it.

Magic of Christmas

 I don't miss the boys being young. I like them at this age. But one thing I do miss about the younger years is the magic of Christmas for them. I love breakfasts with Santa, looking at lights, Christmas parades, the Polar Express, decorating gingerbread houses and Christmas crafts. I love seeing Christmas through the eyes of young children. The one thing that has held its magic for the past 10 years in our household is our elf, Shooby. He comes every year on Thanksgiving night and stays through Christmas Eve. Every morning E runs to find him and reports on his crazy antics, often smiling or laughing when telling us about Shooby's shenanigans. We have gotten a lot of enjoyment out of him every year and this year has been no exception. Here are some of the things we've caught him doing so far:

Last Week of Thankfulness

 I know, I know, it's December 3rd (Happy Birthday, Dad!!! You make 75 look like the new 50!) and I haven't even finished out my month of thankful posts. So here you go. In rapid fire succession...

Day 26- Today I’m thankful for Rob and the boys’ help in making it look less like Fall and more like Christmas around here. (And I’m thankful for the long nap I’m about to take because who knew putting up a 4’ fake tree could wear you out so much?? )

Day 27- Today I’m thankful for Christmas movies and the laughter they bring to our family. I usually love Hallmark movies this time of year. But the boys and I watched "Elf" at my brothers' house when we were visiting and that may be my new favorite Christmas movie. I still love me some cheesy Hallmark, but you can't beat Christmas comedies like "Christmas Vacation" and "Elf".

Day 28- Today I am thankful for books, authors, netgalley, and Pangobooks.com, all of which help ease boredom and escape reality. I really thought I'd read a few books while recovering. However, I started reading "Where the Crawdads Sing" and it's consuming all my time. It's not my typical genre of choice so I don't sit for hours, reading it. When I do finish it within the next day or so, I will be watching the movie to see which one I like better. And after I finish it, I am so thankful for the millions of books out there still yet to read.

Day 29- Today I’m thankful for kind/generous people. The only thing that I’ve craved since my surgery is Chick Fil A shakes. Rob went to get one for me yesterday and told me this morning that he wasn’t charged for it because the person in front of him had paid it forward. Love how generous people are this time of year!

Day 30- Today is bittersweet because I always enjoy posting things I’m thankful for and sad to end it. But today I am thankful for so much more than I could write. Here are a few things:

1. The storm last night didn’t get close to us as predicted.

2. Medical/dental staff that we have encountered since moving here. I keep saying that MS is America’s best kept secret and now I’m going to add medical care as one more reason why MS is so great.

3. Two crazy dogs who bring so much laughter, joy and sometimes frustration to our lives.

4. In-laws who want to help, even when I’m not good at asking for help.

5. Friends who send me texts that keep me laughing.

6. The land and neighbors that surround our beautiful house. Both are a godsend.

7. Christmas decorations that have taken a whole lot longer to put up this year but will be enjoyed even more than usual.

8. A care package that a friend sent last week that touched me more than she’ll ever know.

9. Students, co-workers and parents who have told me they are praying for me and check in to see how I’m doing.

10. My husband who has driven me crazy this past week, but who has had my best interest in mind with every restriction he puts on me. I am used to being independent and doing everything without help. But he has stepped in and stepped up to do EVERYTHING regarding the boys, housework, laundry, etc so I don’t lift a finger. He’s the best of the best and I’m so glad he’s mine!

***Bonus: I am thankful for the BEST sub!! I have been able to focus on my recovery because I know my students are in the best hands possible. She and I text regularly and I know all is well in the classroom with her in charge.***

I always write these "Days of Thankfulness" purely for myself. Sometimes when I get in a funk, I go back to look at my posts for November just to realize I have so much to be thankful for. But, over the years, I have had several people tell me how much my posts have meant to them. A few have told me that they were down in the dumps about something going on in their life and my posts made them realize they had so much to be thankful for. Some have told me that it opens their eyes to all that they have to be thankful for, things that they didn't even consider being thankful for. So, although these posts are purely for selfish reasons, if you get anything out of them or it makes you realize that you have so much to be thankful for then that's a bonus.

Two Weeks of Catch Up

Well, I've now let two weeks pass without blogging my thankful posts so it's time to play catch up.....again. This has been the longest month that has flown by. I look at the calendar and think, "Wow, it's almost the end of the month!" and then a day later I think, "This is the longest day ever!". Quite an oxymoron of a month. But, alas, let me fill you in on everything I am thankful for this month....and every day.

Day 10- I hadn't felt all that great the past few days and was in bed early, like by 8:30pm. So, today I am thankful for the energy to enjoy the beautiful weather we had that day. After school, P and I took Rebel for a walk. Then when we got home, E asked if we could took the side by side to the neighboring subdivision. It was nice to be outside, enjoying the sunshine and wind in our hair! 

Day 11- Veterans Day. Today and every day I am thankful for the men and women who have left their families to go to war, to fight for my freedom. Soldiers sacrifice so much for the freedom of strangers. They give up time away from their friends and their family. The give up the comforts of their home...for me and for you. I am thankful for all that veterans do to keep America free and safe.

Day 12- Last night the boys were with Rob at camp so I met up with Jay and our friend for dinner. We had so much fun talking and laughing. Then I got home and FaceTimed with my brother and nieces. I don't take for granted the relationship I have with either of them. I'm thankful that my brother and I have been close most of our lives. The older we get, the closer we get. I'm also thankful that I gained a great brother in law when I married Rob. Both guys have the best sense of humor and are genuinely good guys.

Day 13- Today I’m thankful for the cold weather. But I’m even more thankful for our fireplace. I didn’t realize how much I liked having a fireplace until we didn’t have one for 5+ years. So today I’m thankful for our fireplace and a patient husband who walked me through how to light it until I got it figured out.

Day 14- Today I’m double dipping. Today I’m so thankful that I have the honor of being in charge of our school’s Jr Beta Club! I work with such a great group of classy students. I’m also thankful that Easton was inducted into the National Beta Club today (along with my Jr Beta students).

He was nominated to be on the school’s leadership team and now is in the Elementary Beta Club. I’m super proud of him and how hard he works!

Day 15- (This one makes me weepy). Today I am thankful for how involved Rob is with our boys. He rearranges his schedule on a weekly basis to be there for me and/or the boys as needed. He puts his family first and foremost. He enjoys spending time with the boys and teaching them new things. He’s often seen in the front yard, throwing the baseball with E or playing basketball with P. He wrestles with them, listens to them, laughs with them (and sometimes at them) and advises them. I am in awe with his creative and thoughtful ways of dealing with issues that come up with each boy. I am so thankful for him and the father that he is to our boys.

Day 16- I’m thankful for the one who made me a mom. Our oldest son has a good heart, is sensitive, is quick to say “I love you” and is always looking out for me. We butt heads sometimes but we also have a special bond. He knows I’m going to push him, but am also his biggest cheerleader. I love him big and am eternally thankful he’s ours!

Day 17- I’m thankful for our new school and its staff! I’m thankful that we have a social committee that plans fun monthly get togethers. I’m thankful for my 6th grade “besties” and how quickly we’ve bonded. What a blessing to be “hand picked” to be a part of this great group of women!

Day 18- About a month ago, I asked our teaching team if they would be up for having a 6th grade Friendsgiving feast. I had done something similar at previous schools and the students loved it. Thankfully, my team was all for it. So today I’m thankful that our 1st annual 6th grade Friendsgiving was a success. The students had so much fun and delicious food was enjoyed by all. It was a great way to send off the students before their Thanksgiving break!

Day 19- A couple years we met a few of Rob's cousins for the first time. Since then we have formed a bond with Richard, our cousin in Arkansas. Awhile back we had discussed going to the Ole Miss/Arkansas game together as an annual tradition. Unfortunately, E had gotten sick earlier this week. He had been diagnosed with strep but I'm pretty certain that he had the flu as well since it was taking him longer than anticipated to feel better. Rob and I decided it would be better for E to stay home so he could heal and I figured it would be best for me to stay with him so I didn't risk getting sick right before my surgery. Although E and I could not go to Arkansas this weekend, I am thankful that Rob and Preston still got to go and spend time with Richard. I can’t wait to hear all about it when they get home.

Day 20- Today I’m thankful for the means to buy groceries as needed. This is not something I ever take for granted. But, a situation happened a few days ago that made me appreciate this ability even more so than usual. To keep everything private, I will not go into detail. But knowing how much $20 means to some people makes me appreciate how blessed we are.

Day 21- Yesterday was a horrible day. I was in so much pain that I couldn't get comfortable to save my life. At one point I thought I may end up in the ER. My mom called to tell me that their pastor had prayed for me during their church service. She also texted me that one of her friends was praying for me as well. This morning I woke up without any pain! So I am thankful for new days and the power of prayer.

Day 22- See my previous blog about finding out that I do NOT have ovarian cancer. What a huge answer to many, many prayers!

Day 23- Today I’m thankful for the staff at St Dominic’s but I’m even more thankful to be back home with the boys. I sure missed them while I was at the hospital for the night.

Day 24- Today I have so much to be thankful for. But the thing I’m really thankful for is FaceTime. We were supposed to be with my family in Cali this week. Since we weren’t able to make the trip, I’m thankful that I can still see them via FaceTime calls. I was able to call them a few times and see them thanks to modern technology.

Day 25- Today I am just thankful. It's been a low-key day. I didn't sleep all that great last night so I'm thankful that Rob and the boys have been doing everything for me so I can rest and heal. I'm thankful for grocery pick-ups so I can order what we need and Rob can just pull up and get everything just put in the car. I'm thankful that the boys are self sufficient and can pretty much do everything on their own. It gives me a peace of mind, knowing I don't have to do anything other than relax and sleep....

My (non) Cancer Story!

Before we left the Baton Rouge area, I had had my annual appointment. The OBGYN’s nurse called about a week later to tell me that there were some abnormalities and that I needed follow up tests. When I asked if it could wait until after we moved and I got established with a doctor here, the nurse said that yes, there wasn’t a rush. Between the moving and starting a new school year, I had forgotten all about it.

But around the first of October I realized I was at the 2 year mark for the FDA regulations of the medication that I had been prescribed to alleviate pain (and growth) of a cyst on one of my ovaries. I posted of FB, asking for recommendations for local OBGYNS. I had so many recommendations that I don’t know who referred me to Dr Phillips but I’ll be eternally grateful for that person! 

The day before my 47th birthday I went in for what I thought would be a routine check up, followed by a discussion on what to do in lieu of having a hysterectomy but changing out meds. The next day the doctor herself called and asked me to come in ASAP to repeat some tests because of some abnormalities. So, two days later I went in for more blood work. The next day the doctor called me to tell me that my Ca-125 levels were a lot higher than the normal range, indicating possible cancer. She was also concerned about a cyst that had formed on my left ovary because of its shape. So she referred me to a gynecological oncologist.

Let me take a minute to sidetrack here to say that, several years ago, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. In my mind my dad is invincible so I never had any concerns about him having cancer because I often think he may outlive me. But, being in his shoes so to speak and being told you need to see an oncologist for possible cancer, puts things in a whole different perspective and gave me a whole new respect for what he went through.

Back to my oncology appointment…..Rob and I went to meet with a very nice, very knowledgeable, optimistic  oncologist who basically told me I didn’t have any other choice than to have a hysterectomy. I asked her if I could postpone the surgery until the end of the school year since this is my first year at our new school. She told me I was on “borrowed time” and that if I chose to wait until June she is confident that we will be having a much different discussion.

I went back to school that afternoon and told my principal that I’d need to have surgery over Thanksgiving break. She was very quick to assure me that my health came first and that I could take the time off needed to heal.

Over the past month I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. For the first couple weeks I felt confident that everything would be benign. But about a week or so again I began dealing with excruciating pain that Tylenol barely touched. I had a heating pad across my hips whenever I was at home. Then my mind started taking me to friends who had died at an early age from cancer. I got in a pretty dark mental space and struggled to get out of bed and put on a front for everyone. We did NOT want the boys to know anything more than that I was having surgery. They didn’t need to worry about me possibly having cancer. But as much as I thought I was fooling them, I overheard P tell Rob one night, “Mom seems really sad.” It about broke my heart! I wasn’t fooling anyone.

This past weekend we were supposed to go on a family trip to Arkansas to spend time with our cousin. But E ended up getting sick and I had second thoughts about being around a lot of people, in below freezing temps, just to watch an Ole Miss football game right before surgery. So E and I stayed home, which I was happy about. Especially because I was in excruciating pain on Sunday and feared that I’d end up in the ER before the end of the day. Sunday night was my lowest point, when I was convinced I had cancer.

As horrible as I felt Sunday was how great I felt Monday. So I prepped for my surgery and went into it with a positive mental attitude. Honestly, I’ve never gone into surgery feeling so strong! Yesterday, I got to the hospital before the sun came up, ready to go. When I came to a few hours later, Rob was quick to give me a big ole smile and tell me the oncologist said I do NOT have ovarian cancer!! Praise the Lord!! Because of the pain meds and how tired I’ve been since coming out of the surgery, it hasn’t hit me yet. The fact that, after worrying and praying for the past month (yes Dad, I’m aware of the oxymoron), I no longer have to think about having cancer because I have the answer I had so desperately wanted. 

Despite being on social media to post daily “thankful posts”, I struggled to feel thankful this month. I also struggled with feeling vulnerable, having people know what was going on. I don’t like feeling people’s pity or asking for help. So, other than a handful of people, we chose not to tell anyone. Plus, like I said, we really did not want to take a chance on the boys finding out. 

Rob has been my rock through all of this, praying with me, encouraging me and being my strength when I felt I didn’t have any left. Even though we had already bought our plane tix to see them this week, my parents graciously offered to fly here for Thanksgiving to be with me in case we got less than happy news (but both were convinced that everything would be fine). My in-laws have helped with the boys, keeping them last night so I could stay overnight in the hospital (I have a history of not coming out of recovery well so we opted to be better safe than sorry. But this time has been about as perfect as possible with recovery time.). A couple friends who did know what was going on were sweet and would check in with me regularly to let me know they were praying for me and loved me. In that sense, I have been thankful beyond words to know that I’m surrounded by such awesome people. 

I am incredibly thankful that this is behind me and it gives me a whole new respect for people who have to go through similar situations. It also breaks my heart for people who don’t have the same happy outcome I had. So, this Thanksgiving I’m not going to take my blessings for granted. We have so much to be thankful for!                                                                                                          

    

Week Full of Playing Catch Up

 I thought doing my "Month of Thanksgiving" would get me back to blogging regularly, but apparently I was wrong. So let me play catch up on the past 7 days of thankfulness.

Day 2: I'm thankful for front porch livin'. I didn't realize how much I needed a wide front porch in my life until I had one. Now it's one of my favorite places. A calming place on chaotic days. Some days Rob and I will sit out on the swing, catching up on our day. Some days I just on the front porch, watching the boys play in the front yard. Some days I sit there, listening to the cows moo down the road. Some days I read my book while sitting on the swing. And, although I haven't done much of this recently, I will enjoy my cup of coffee on the front porch while the dogs run around. For the rest of my life, I hope to have a front porch.

Day 3: I am thankful for parents who care about their child's education and advocate for them. Sometimes it gets overwhelming when I teach so many students. But I know parents reach out because they care and for that I am thankful.

Day 4: Today I am thankful that time heals. This past weekend Rob and I were able to get away to a place we had visited 9 1/2 years ago, a time when we were on the brink of divorce. This trip we laughed, talked and created so many fun memories. I am so thankful that God worked a miracle in our marriage and now we look forward to 1:1 time together.

Day 5- I am thankful that we were able to support Catch a Dream, a non-profit who helps kids with terminal illnesses go on hunting and fishing trips, by fishing their Fall tournament. It was pouring down rain so we didn't blast off at gray daylight. The day before, when we had pre-fished, we hadn't caught a single fish. So I was surprised that, after starting 2 hours after everyone else and not knowing the lake, we were able to get on fish. (and by "we" I mean Rob) We didn't take home a winning check but we placed 30th out of 69 registered boats. Rob also caught a huge bass, which is always a plus. I'm glad I got to fish the tournament instead of just being the professional photographer for it.

Day 6: I am thankful that Rob and I had such a fun weekend together. We stayed in a beautiful, quaint cabin near the lake where we fished. We ate good food, got a lot of sleep and spent a lot of time on the water. It was the perfect weekend!

Day 7: I am thankful for laughter. I have been a little on the stressed-out side lately, so I don't take for granted the moments of laughter I share with Rob, the boys, my brother and parents, co-workers, and my students. Laughter is medicine for the soul!

Day 8: Yesterday when I went to the polls to cast my vote, I was thankful for the freedom to have my voice heard. There wasn't much to vote on in our district, but it still gave me pride knowing that I had done my civic duty.

Day 9: 2020 was a year where the whole world got turned upside down. Two years later, life seems normal again. But I never take for granted the normalcy. Today I am thankful that E got to enjoy a fieldtrip with his classmates. He came running up to me after school exclaiming that it was a super fun day. He said his favorite part was learning about a tiny Bible that a soldier made out of bones. I am so glad that learning can take place outside of the classroom as well!

A Month of Thankfulness Day 1

 Every November I like to take each day to acknowledge a blessing in my life. This year I may be hit or miss with posting, but I feel it's still important to publicly list the things I'm thankful for. Today, on Day 1, I am thankful for my friends. Although I have moved multiple times since leaving home at age 17, I have been blessed with friends across the U.S. Some I have known a short time. Some I've known a lifetime. Some I call to chat with. Others I send a text, asking for prayer or share a joke. Some I talk to daily and others I talk to once a year. But all of my friends mean the world to me and I am so incredibly thankful for what they each bring to my life.