An Amazing Lady

I meant to write this blog first thing this morning. But, it always amazes me that, even with staying home at least 95% of the day, the time can still get away from you. So, here I am, at the end of this special day finally getting time to blog about one of the most amazing ladies I've ever met.....my mom.
I think of her every day, especially with being so far away from her. But, today is extra special because today she turned 70. To look at her, you wouldn't be able to guess her age. She's still very youthful in her looks and her attitude. But, that's only a part of her.
When I think of my mom, the first thing that comes to mind is the word selfless. I have never met someone who puts others before themselves the way my mom does. She gives and gives and gives of herself. And when she has nothing left to give, she hits up her "reserve tank" and gives some more. Not only is she selfless but she is so incredibly creative. Her imagination amazes me! She can take something so ordinary and turn it into a masterpiece (especially when it comes to sewing). She has touched countless lives, many of whom are strangers, because of her creativity and sewing skills.
As she's gotten older, she's started slowing down. Not in a bad way, mind you. But in a way where she takes a step back and takes it all in before "jumping". She appreciates the moments in life instead of always jumping ahead to the big picture. She listens more and talks less.
Now that I am grown and a mother of my own, it never ceases to amaze me that she'd cook a nice, well-balanced meal almost every single night while my brother and I were growing up. I don't know how she did it during soccer season and with church activities several times a week. She'd have a healthy snack waiting for us after school. She'd sit with us and ask us about our day, truly wanting to know about it. There are times I'm disciplining the boys and I'll think, "How would Mom deal with this?" I want to be like her in so many ways, even as an adult.
One of the ways I most want to be like her is in her walk with the Lord. She always puts Him first. She makes her devotion and prayer time a priority every single day with no exceptions. She's quick to witness to others or offer to pray for someone going through a rough time.
I am blessed to have the mom that I do. I have learned so much from her and continue to cherish the advice she gives me. Today, and every day, I hope she realizes how loved she is, how many lives she's touched throughout her 70 years here on Earth. Happy birthday, Mom. I love you so very much!

*Almost* A Normal Day

Today felt *almost* normal. I got groceries, I paid bills and watched the boys play with friends this evening. Fridays have always been my favorite day of the week. I like that it closes out another week and that I have 2 days ahead of me with my family, making memories. Lately Fridays blend in with Mondays, Thursdays and every other day. This week has been different since we have another student that has been added to our homeschool routine. So today felt like a real Friday. After the boys finished with their schoolwork, we went on our morning walk and then all 3 boys went swimming. This afternoon ran errands. I even took P to a store for the first time in 6 weeks to buy a bike. This evening was the icing on the cake. After dinner I enjoyed beautiful weather while I took Fetcha for a walk. When I got home, Rob and E rode dirtbikes together. Then Rob and I sat out front, watching the boys ride bikes *while social distancing* with their friends. I enjoyed hearing them laugh as our crazy dog outran them. I enjoyed talking to Rob about our dreams. I enjoyed waving to the neighbors who walked by. And after the sun went down, I thoroughly enjoyed catching a lightening bug with E. We've caught one the past two nights and his excitement over catching them is contagious. Today was about as perfect and as normal as we've had recently. P did an interview with me for a COVID time capsule. He asked me what were the 3 things I cherish most during this time of quarantine. and all of answers revolved around our family time together. I love it and all this togetherness has made us even stronger, creating even more memories. Life is good and we are blessed.

I Miss....

Today, and every day recently, there are things I miss. I miss eating out at random. On the rare occasion we've eaten out I only eat at local places (where they have more at stake) and wipe everything down as soon as I get it. I miss grocery shopping in a store. I went inside Walmart for the first time in a month because I couldn't get an online pickup for days. I was calculated in my shopping strategies so I could get in and out as fast as possible. I miss browsing the aisles and not having to think about the best time to shop when not so many people will be in the store. I also miss shopping sans gloves and a face mask. How do healthcare professionals do it every day? Wearing those things make me so hot! I miss quiet. Even as I write this, the Roomba is running, the TV is on and P is listening to music. One, or both, boys are constantly talking to me or asking me questions. I crave quiet and I used to get up to an hour of it 5 days a week when I was teaching in my classroom. I miss seeing friends and giving them a hug...or talking without a 6ft barrier between us. What I miss the most is my students! It makes me sad when people post memes on social media about how happy teachers are that school got "cancelled" for the remainder of the academic year. That is not true. We worry about our students every day...if they're safe, if they have enough food, if they're feeling loved at home. That's why I get frustrated when parents complain about the FREE food they are sent to help feed their kids while all of this is going on. At least it's a small comfort to me, knowing my students will get some food.
What I love during this time is the fact that I've had time to get a ton of house projects done. I can't begin to tell you how many hours I've spent outside, cleaning up the front flowerbeds and backyard. What I love is time spent with the boys. While I do miss my quiet time, I am loving all the memories we are creating. What I love is our daily walks. I may not be able to get to the gym like I'd like but I'm walking 2-3 miles a day. What I love is how close Rob and I have gotten during this time. Whether it's watching our shows, sitting outside with the boys or just talking, it's been fun to talk about things other than our ratrace schedules that dictated our lives a couple months ago.
We lived through the historical Flood of 2016, but that was more at a local level. This is a global historic event. So I am trying to take more pictures of our time to document everything. Eventually, I will make it into a book for the boys so they can remember this time in detail. Here is some of our recent daily "events".....

A Rona Easter

This Easter has definitely been a different one. Now before I go further, please don't misinterpret that first sentence as a sad Easter, depressing Easter or even a boring Easter. It's just been different. A few weeks ago we found out that the Resurrection service and egg hunt that our church was putting together was cancelled. We also knew, without a doubt, that an Easter service within a church building was out of the question as well. We knew we wouldn't be able to go out to enjoy an Easter lunch at a local restaurant....or any restaurant for that matter. We knew my parents wouldn't be able to come visit us for Spring Break. We knew we wouldn't be able to do a lot of things we had planned. I had already wrapped my head around all that and was at peace with it. This week I even made a Costco run (donning a mask and gloves of course) to buy tri-tip and shrimp.
What I hadn't anticipated was a storm Thursday night that would keep Rob at work for the past few days. It doesn't bother me that he's working. In fact, I know, that it bothers him way more because he feels like he's missing out on memories. I know we've been blessed with a lot of family time lately so him having to work a little extra is okay. Plus, this is what he enjoys most- helping people in a storm. All of it just made me more determined to have a fun Easter with the boys.
Easter fun started Friday night when the boys dyed eggs and we watched an Easter movie. Yesterday we drove to the church to pick up Easter bags for the boys. After bringing them home and Lysoling them, the boys enjoyed all the treats in the bag. Then I planted plastic eggs full of candy and money throughout the backyard. The boys enjoyed finding them all. Pretty soon we heard sirens and saw the Easter Bunny being brought through the neighborhood in the back of a police truck. The boys waved to him and followed him around the neighborhood. Definitely an Easter highlight! This morning the boys woke up to find Easter baskets full of candy and a dirtbike treat. P was the most excited because he didn't think the Easter Bunny would be bringing anything since the leprechaun didn't come on St Patrick's Day thanks to Rona. I've seen people posting Easter pictures on FB, where the family was dressed in their Sunday best. I didn't want a picture like that because I wanted a picture of how we were going to church on Easter Sunday. So the boys and I got dressed in shorts and t-shirts for this year's Easter picture.
The only reason I was thankful that Rob was not home is because we disagreed on the Easter service. Our church was doing an Easter service at the PARKing lot. I really wanted to go but Rob wanted to watch the service online like we've done the past few weeks. With him not being home, I made the executive decision to "go" to church....and I'm so glad I did. The boys and I pulled up, tuned the radio to the service, and enjoyed church in a new way. At the end of the service was communion (I had wiped everything down because P and I partook of it). E started asking how you become a Christian. I explained it to him and, right there in the parking lot, he asked Jesus into his heart! What an Easter blessing, a memory to last a lifetime!
We did not have a fancy Easter meal (That'll have to wait until Rob is here, minus the shrimp cocktail which I've pretty much eaten single-handedly). We did not do an organized egg hunt. We did not dress in our Sunday best. But we did worship our risen Savior. We did create wonderful (life-changing) memories. And we do have a lot to be thankful for. The boys have said several times, "This is the best Easter ever!". I have to admit that, despite it not being a "normal" Easter, it sure has been a good one.
Happy Easter! He is risen! He is risen indeed!!!

When You're Struggling

This week has been hard for several people I have spoke with. We got word from President Trump that the shelter in place will be extended until April 30. I love my family. I love my boys. But I want to have more freedom to do what I want. I want to be their parent instead of their teacher (although P is starting to rock fractions and I will be happy to take all the credit for that. HA!). I miss going to the gym with my friend. I am craving adult face-to-face interaction that doesn't require technology. I miss going to restaurants of my choice, not having to worry if an employee is sick. I miss running errands without restrictions. I had a mini pity party on Sunday because of it all.
But, I have learned that, for myself, it's best to do something productive at least once a day to feel some sort of normalcy. One day it was just doing a load of laundry and unloading the dishwasher. But I did something. Other days, like today, it's full of projects that have been on our "To-Do" list for a year or more. Every day I get outside because, praise the Lord, our weather has been beautiful. The boys and I go on at least two walks a day. I am getting tired of seeing the same scenery but I am sure loving all the memories that we're making, the laughs we're sharing, on our walks.
We've even tried some new things during this time. Snake fishing anyone?? (HA!) We've been doing a lot of art, which the boys are loving. And we're trying to be good "neighbors" by making cards for people in nursing homes and taking people food who are in need.
We're trying to make the best out of this historical event. But, some days are easier than others. I am ready for things to go back to normal but I sure am thankful for all the down time we've had. Tonight, Rob and I were sitting in the backyard, watching the boys play, and listening to music. The weather was perfect and I just sat there, taking it all in, thankful for moments like that. The moments that I want to remember even when this is behind us. Despite the frustrations, there have been a lot of good during the past month. And for that I am thankful.

Getting Real

This is not going to be a "feel good" blog. It's going to be raw, real and ugly. But it will be honest.

Sunday I posted on FB that it's all about perspective. I listed 10 things that I am thankful for right now during this pandemic. Then, yesterday, Satan attacked me big time. My morning started with E telling me how much he hates homeschool. He gripes about school a lot but yesterday was different because I know it was his way of saying he hates this situation right now. And there's nothing I can do to fix it. He then spent a couple hours, fighting with me, about school work. One of our neighbors confided in Rob that, because she's self employed, she doesn't know how she's going to have money for food if this goes much longer. It hit me how real this has become, how many lives this virus has affected. Then I was checking on students and my heart broke because 3 of my students are dealing with hard stuff right now that 5 year olds shouldn't have to face- 2 are being directly impacted by COVID-19 and one is just dealing with a bad family situation. I was pretty down about that. But, I knew I was going to help "direct traffic" while families from our school were given food in the afternoon and I was happy, knowing I was going to see some co-workers and some students. Wrong!
First of all, I didn't direct much traffic. Somehow I ended up passing out food to people. Normally, I'd love doing that. BUT, it meant coming in closer proximity with people than I was comfortable with. Second, it gave me a raw glimpse of people's faces when they were told that the agency had run out of food at its previous stops so all they had to give was a muffin and school sized milk. One lady, whom I personally know, showed up really early to make sure she got food. She was first in line and I could literally see her fall apart when she was given her measly food rations. My heart broke for her. Third, someone pulled up who did not need food. The person then proceeded to complain about the food that was being handed out, but took it, leaving someone else one less meal. Oh, I was furious and it was all I could do not to voice my opinion. The whole hour that I was there broke my heart.
I went home feeling dirty....and disheartened. I cried. I felt I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and there's not a thing I can do about it. Other than stay home.
Dinner was my breaking point. When everyone turned their nose up at the meal I cooked, I said "This is not the night to complain about dinner. At least we have food on our plates, whether you like it or not."  To be honest, I couldn't wait for everyone to go to bed so I could have some alone time to process the day.
I didn't sleep much last night. P woke me up and then our dumb Roomba started running at 3am. So, I prayed a lot and thought about a lot. This morning I rolled out of bed, exhausted. I did not want to deal with homeschooling the boys and, quite honestly, if they had asked to skip it I would've let them. But they didn't so we plugged on through. Afterwards, I did my devotions. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to check off that I had done them. Truth be told, I just wanted it to rain as forecasted so I could have an excuse to lay around. I also wanted it to rain so it could wash everything away and make it fresh again. While in the middle of my devotions, P said "Wow, it's really raining!" I looked up and saw it pouring down rain. It didn't rain long but it rained enough to change my attitude. Shortly after the rain stopped, I read a verse in Luke 8 about being careful how you listen. For some reason (GOD!!), that verse jumped out at me.
This afternoon a friend called and we were on the phone for 2 hours. Most of the conversation consisted of me listening to her. She had a lot on her mind and I felt that she just needed someone to listen. When I got off the phone with her, I felt the best I had since Sunday. I realized that I can't do much to help my students. I can't help people who are diagnosed with COVID-19. But I can listen. And if that helps anyone then I am happy.
Not every day is going to be great. I will probably get to another breaking point...or two...before this shelter in place is done. But I do have a lot to be thankful for during this crazy time. And, so tomorrow, I will start my day doing Bible Study with my co-workers via Zoom. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Because Satan doesn't get to win. He doesn't get to attack me day after day, getting me down. And because my God is greater than all that is around us right now. That's the hope I'll cling to during the difficult days.

What is "Essential"?

I read somewhere recently that it's great to journal during this unprecedented time because we are living through history. So I'm going to keep up with blogging so the boys can read it when they're adults, knowing they were part of a historical event. The great state of Louisiana is currently at the "shelter in place" phase, which was enacted on Monday. Only essential businesses are to remain open at this point. I have rarely left the house and I can't remember the last time the boys have seen inside any building other than our house. I buy my groceries online to limit my exposure. Today I had to stop at the bank on my way to pick up my groceries. I passed by Home Depot and was utterly surprised to see the parking lot completely full. It didn't appear that there was a line outside the store, meaning all those people were in the store. Since when did a construction store become essential for anyone that does not have a construction business or a home emergency? I can't believe all those people would fall under either of those categories. When I went to get my groceries, I was quick to open my hatch and jump back in my SUV because the last time I went to pick up my groceries, the Walmart employee invaded my social distancing space. Today the employee was very respectful about the fact that I didn't roll my window down all the way and asked that nothing be brought up to the front seat. However, some of my requested items were out of stock so I stopped by Dollar General to grab 2 things. I was, once again surprised, to see so many kids in the store. Now I understand that some parents don't have the option of leaving their kids at home while running errands. But what surprised me the most is that one mom let her kids run all around the check out area. At one point the little boy grabbed a sucker out of a bin and put it in his mouth despite it having a wrapper on it and his mom not buying it for him. This afternoon I bought something online to pick up at Bass Pro. They shocked me the most with their lack of precautions. The only way to open the main entrance door is by the large button. Who knows how many hands have touched that?? When I pointed out that my item was defective, the employee asked me to go find the replacement one. Really?? That's why I ordered it online to begin with...so I wouldn't have to go further into the store than the front entrance. When I returned with the item, the employee wiped her nose and handed me a pen to sign the pick up sheet. I told her I'd use my own pen and then informed her that I was shocked that Bass Pro was still making people sign something with a pen that many hands touched. Needless to say, the employee didn't like my opinion and got snarky with me.
Normally I'm not a germaphobe. I don't use a lot of hand sanitizer because of the eczema on my hands. I don't become hyperaware of people in my space or someone coughing. But, the COVID-19 pandemic has changed all of that. I am very careful of where I have to go, wiping things down when they're handed to me, keeping the boys confined to our neighborhood, using hand sanitizer the minute I walk out of a store, washing my hands for at least 20 seconds when I get home from errands. Call me overreactive but I call it being cautious. If I did anything that would cause our boys to get this nasty virus, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Hopefully people will start taking this quarantine seriously so we can flatten the curve and get life back to normal....or at least the new normal.