2 Different Happenings

I write this with a heavy heart and full of questions. Healthy? Maybe. Inevitable? Definitely. Yesterday 2 happenings took place. The lesser of two evils happened at the photography workshop that I'm currently attending. I've decided to jump into photography with both feet...or at least more than my big toe. By doing that, I have to be open to criticism that helps me become a great photographer but that's easier said than done. You see, a couple years ago I jumped into writing...unsuccessfully. I took a year long class and I was so excited but when it was all said and done I didn't have anything published. Maybe I needed to stick with it more and pursue it but I didn't. Although family was my biggest cheerleader, I put all my stories aside and went back to my comfort zone....teaching. Once again my family and friends are my biggest cheerleaders but I have yet to hear from a professional photographer that I have a God given talent. In fact, last night the instructor (a well published local photographer) criticized my photographs I had presented more than anyone else's (and no, I'm not exaggerating!). It made me question myself all the way home, whether it's right for me to pursue this. Other than teaching, I've always wanted to be a writer or photographer. Now I question it but this time I won't let it stop me. I'm still pursuing all options with photography, hoping to learn and become better as I go.

Now onto the major reason my heart is heavy. A 2nd grader that attended the school I work at, one that I used to have contact with several times a week, passed away last night after a very short battle against brain cancer. He was diagnosed after having a seizure at school and complaining about headaches and leg cramps. This was last Fall. We found out last month that his chemo and radiation was not working and, not only had his original tumor not shrunk, but there were 2 more tumors growing around his brain. On Saturday, while we were bowling to raise money for him, unbeknownst to us, he was in a coma at Oakland Children's Hospital. Unfortunately, he never woke up again. All day I've been thinking about how he was supposed to be in my class this year (His mom works at the school and begged the principal to put him in our class) but that it was better that he wasn't- for many reason. I keep thinking about Sandra and Martene, wondering how they're coping as his parents. I keep thinking about the students at my school, wondering how they'll cope when they come back after break. It just makes me count my blessings that much more. I'm trying very hard not to question WHY? but to accept that Cris is no longer suffering.

So, as you can see, today's been tough. Because of a small thing and because of a very big thing. Times like this makes me grateful for my cheerleading squad, my boys, every blessing I've been given in life. Others aren't as fortunate and that happening hurts.