3 years ago.....

Funny how one event can bring about different memories. My mom emailed me tonight with her recollection of E's birth day 3 years ago....

"Just wanted to share a few precious memories from three years ago.  I remember it being a stormy night on the 30th of December. We were in the family room watching a football game (Packers) when Rob called. I thought he was calling to give me a bad time about the game when, instead, he called to say you were in the hospital and they were going to do a c-section. It was so hard to be here and not be able to make it there because of the storm and equally difficult to know that Preston was going to be cared for at Scott and Natalie's instead of us watching him but we were so happy to hear the news and see the first photos of little Easton.

The next morning we got up and braved the storm to get there. I remember the text you sent me as though Easton was writing it to me stating, "Gee, I can hardly wait to me you". Then when we got to the hospital I stopped off in the bathroom and your dad was sitting out by one of the bay windows. I heard Natalie come down the hall with her girls and Preston and when Preston saw your dad, I heard his excitement when he called out, "Bob Bob!".

We came into your room and met our newest grandson and, of course, he was beautiful. I remember introducing Preston to his baby brother and showing him his tiny fingers and toes and he was in awe. You gifted me with the necklace with the pendent Preston and Easton engraved on it. It has always been a favorite of mine.

We took Preston to "Old Mc Donald's" for lunch and then checked in at the Hampton. We stayed there two days and Preston was such a good little boy. In fact, one time we passed through the lobby, the young man at the desk called him over to tell him what a good boy he was and gave him a candy bar. Need I add that he was thrilled!

We drove home in a snow storm and James texted several times to drive carefully and be safe. I would do it all over again for those precious moments."



Getting her email brought back memories that I had forgotten. Needless to say, it also brought tears to my eyes as I, too, took a walk down Memory Lane. This is what I remember:
I had had a couple times of pre-term labor and my doctor had put me on bed rest to make it to 37 weeks. Christmas is always a favorite time of the year for me and that year I felt I hadn't been able to give P 110% of the memories that I had wanted to because of my pregnancy. I was comparable in size to a beached whale and couldn't wait for my lil man to make his debut. The day I went into labor (for real) was a Sunday. It had been snowing and I told Rob I didn't want to go to church that morning because I had been up with contractions most of the previous night. As the day wore on I started getting the feeling that I would end it in the hospital. I told Rob and he said, "Please don't go into labor during the Packers game. This is a huge game for them." Almost as soon as the game started so did my contractions. With P I had had back labor but with E it was completely different. I looked outside and the snow was really coming down so I laid down, hoping that would slow everything a bit. It didn't and right before halftime, P looked at me and said, "Mommy, why are you crying?" Rob went into panic mode when I told him I thought I was in labor for real and that I was having pretty steady contractions. On the way to the hospital I found out that the 2 friends I had lined up to watch P for the night were unavailable because they had no idea I'd be going into labor so early (I was due mid January). So we called our good friends, Scott and Natalie, to ask if they would be willing to keep P for the night. They live an hour away from the hospital in good weather but it was downright snowing that night.
When we got to the hospital, Rob was upset that he couldn't watch the game and said he'd be really upset if he had driven in the snow and missed the game only to find out that I had had false labor AGAIN. But the nurse assured him I'd be having a baby soon so they prepped me as we waited for Scott and Natalie to get to the hospital. Rob probably called Scott 10 times, wondering where they were because my doctor was ready to deliver E via C-section (It had been pre-planned). Within minutes of P getting picked up, E was born. It was such a completely different experience for so many reasons. I almost felt a disconnect because everything seemed surreal. As soon as he was born he was whisked off with Rob following quickly behind. So I just laid there, wondering what was happening and if my baby was ok. Once they brought him in and reassured me that he was fine, I was able to bond with him. He was almost the exact same measurements as his big brother and just as precious as could be!
I remember being so cold once I was transferred to my hospital room. I put E on my belly after I nursed him so I could use his body heat to warm up. The nurse came in a few hours later to check us and said I couldn't do that because I had gotten him way too warm. Instead she brought me a few more blankets....to no avail. My room was so small but Rob insisted on sleeping on the hard, lumpy mattress that he put on the floor next to my bed. I remember looking up at the whiteboard in my room and finding it comical that it said "FALL RISK" across it. I proved the message correct and passed out in my favorite hospital place....the bathroom. But such is life and I've learned to just go with it (as has Rob but he may freak out about it a little more than me).
The day after E was born, P was brought to the hospital to meet his little brother. He beamed with pride as he looked E over, making sure he had all his fingers and toes. E "gifted" his big brother with a stuffed camo bear that says "I love you". (P sleeps with it to this day!). My dad took one of my all time favorite pictures of P sitting on Rob's lap, looking down at his baby brother.
Natalie was our first friend to hold E and I was so appreciative that, not only did she keep P for us, but that they came on last minute notice through a snow storm to get him. P was all excited that he had made a hot pad with Scott and Natalie's girls to give to E. I recently tried to throw it away as it's unraveled but E got very upset with me and told me it was from his Bubba. So I guess we'll keep it because of the memories it holds.
One of the other special things I remember vividly is my sweet friend, Jill, coming to visit me. She had told me before I had had E that I shouldn't get my feelings hurt but that she just couldn't visit me at St Mary's. That's where she had had to say goodbye to her little Matthew several months earlier. She told me she couldn't step foot in that hospital again and I respected that. So I was shocked beyond belief when I looked up and saw her standing in the doorway of my hospital room. We immediately started crying because of all her visit encompassed. Not only had she come into the hospital that held horrible memories for her but she came onto the Labor and Delivery floor where her life had tragically changed. At that moment I knew that, no matter where life took us, we'd be forever friends!
It's amazing the memories we hold dear. It's fun to take a walk down Memory Lane. I know there were some not so pleasant memories but those aren't the ones I think about. I think about the love that surrounded our lil man from the minute he was born. I think about our friends who came to see him and spoil P. I think of my parents, who graciously drove through feet of snow to make sure they could help out in any way, shape or form. I think about the bond E and I had from the start.
And now, 3 years later, I think about his first year of life. Where we packed up life as we knew it to move 2500 away. Where, on his first birthday, he was sicker than a dog and slept through most of his party. Where he took his first steps and said his first words. It all seems so long ago. As you know, time flies so I love reminiscing on his young life and all the joys (and frustration) he has brought into our lives. He and P are like peas and carrots in looks and personalities but I'm equally thankful for what they add to our lives. 3 years ago today I didn't think I could love another child as much as I did P. And 3 years later, I realize how wrong that thinking was. Happy 3rd birthday my lil firecracker!

Crazy Boys!

Sometimes I feel like I use this blog to make my boys sound perfect. They are not. I am not a perfect parent by any means, nor is Rob. We are an imperfect family trying to figure it out as we go. Some days are fantastic while others are barely survivable. Yesterday was barely survivable. In fact, it goes down as the worst day I've ever had with the boys. I'm blogging about the day simply so I can look back at it some day and laugh. At this point I'm still nowhere close to finding the humor in the day.
The day started out like any other. I poured some coffee, the boys and I cuddled for awhile then I went off to take a bath so we could start our day. When I got out of the bath that's when things went downhill...fast!
I walked into the hall to find 4 bottles of acrylic paint opened and spilled on the carpet, wall and door. I walked into the living to find a couple bottles of spices dumped on the carpet. I walked into the kitchen to find the crafts that I had bought for the boys (to last a couple weeks mind you) opened and destroyed. I went in the boys' bathroom to find more paint and spices spilled everywhere. I went in their room to find a different container of spices spilled on the carpet and E's bed. I was livid! After much scrubbing, I was able to clean up most of the mess. On a side note, the spices countered the smell of the wet carpet from earlier this week when E flooded part of the master bathroom.
After running a couple errands, I told the boys to clean out my car because they had trashed the backseat. When they said they were done, I went out there to find what was in the backseat all over our front yard. I know some of you may be thinking that I should've been specific in telling them how to clean out the car but I had been. I was very detailed in telling them where everything should go. Plus they know it already. After they assured me the yard was cleaned up, I went out to find that one (or both) of the boys snapped all of the lighted candy cane decorations aligning our walkway, making them impossible to salvage. For the rest of the day, it was little things....the boys fighting, lying, etc. It was a day I didn't want to repeat. This morning I found one more act of destruction that took place yesterday to top it all off. P SCRAPED 13-17 into the back of my car! One day it'll have to be buffed out but this morning I wasn't about to get mad all over again. I wasn't about to have the same day today. I couldn't. I had cried enough tears yesterday, as had the boys. There were spankings, time outs, raised voices, the gnashing of teeth, letters from Santa about the Naughty List and much more.
Today is a new day and, thankfully, 1000x times better!! I'm so thankful that those bad days are rare. I'm not naïve to think we won't have more of them in our future but if they can be spread out so I can recoup a little in between I'll manage. I'll learn as I go as to what works and what doesn't on days like yesterday.
And maybe, just maybe, some day I'll look back at this blog, remembering this day with laughter instead of tears. My crazy boys!

Playing Catch Up

So much for having the time to blog on a regular basis! Once again I am playing catch up with blogs so this will be a long one.
Ok, I had a paragraph written here. In fact, I've had several. I've rewritten the paragraph several times and every time I read it back it sounds depressing so I think I'll "tell" more with pictures than the actual writing for this blog entry.

Last Sunday was our annual Christmas choir performance at church. This year it was special because P's children's choir joined the adult choir on stage to perform a couple songs. I loved sharing the stage with him, so to speak, and to watch with joy as he sang his little heart out to glorify the Lord! It was also special because a sweet lady accepted Christ into her life. I cried tears of joy as I watched her walk to the front of the sanctuary to proclaim the Lord as her Savior. The only drawback was that my parents weren't there. They would've been on the front row, encouraging P and me, with their smiles, recognizing the hard work we put into the performance as well as its importance.

I never take it for granted when I am asked to photograph an event so when P's former Kinder teacher asked me to be the school photographer with the Santa visits this year, I was honored. It was such a fun couple of days, seeing the excitement in the children's eyes and getting to hear their requests. Out of all the classes I only had 1 screamer. (Those are always my favorite pictures!) Like I said, it was a fun time and I loved every minute of it!!

Last month my sweet boy wanted to help those less fortunate. So he gathered donations and used the money to buy food and products that underprivileged youth were in need of. We were so touched by the teens when we delivered the products that we decided we wanted to help make their Christmas special by filling stockings for them. Once again people overwhelmed us with their generosity! Several people at our church asked if they could fill a stocking or two or three. My mom asked if she could monogram stockings for each youth. One of my family members, who asked to remain anonymous, sent such a generous donation that it allowed each youth to receive a gift card and we also used the money to provide the center with a pizza party. When we took the stockings and pizza to the shelter one of the young ladies immediately said, "You don't know the kind of night I've had. That pizza smells so good right now!" (The youth only get food from the local food bank so they don't get typical teenage food.) When we went into the center a different young lady said to P, "Aren't you the one that came and brought us all that stuff last month? You must really love us!" We only stayed long enough for P to pass out each stocking but the youth were so incredibly appreciative and mannerly. I think it was more of a blessing to our family than it was to the youth! P and I came up with ideas for things to do for the youth during the next several months so the teens don't think they are only thought of around the holidays. Out of everything "Christmas" this was one of my favorite things I've ever participated in...all thanks to my sweet boy!

If I keep this pattern, I won't be blogging again until after Christmas. so, if that's the case, I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!

 

Shooby

Lucky you, it's a 2 for 1 blog post day!
As you may already know, I am a big kid at heart when it comes to holiday. I probably go to extremes but I am A-Ok with that! Since becoming a mom, I've loved Christmas for so many different reasons. I love teaching my boys about the true meaning of Christmas. I love seeing the sparkle in their eyes when experiencing Christmas parades, decorating, and sitting on Santa's lap. I love talking about the memories the boys and I've created even months down the road. I also love ole' Shooby, our elf. I thought this would be the year that P outgrew him but Shooby's magic is still very real. The boys wake up, sometimes at ungodly hours, to find where Shooby is. Then they'll race to my room to share his adventures with me. P comes up with elaborate schemes as to how Shooby did what he did. I love every minute of it and know that the boys will hold these memories dear when they're older. P is now grasping the concept of traditions and the other night he put his arms around my waist, gave me a big squeeze and said, "Mom, thanks for being so specialist mom ever and making fun Christmas traditions for us." I'm so thankful for the examples I had growing up and the fun traditions my parents had so I can pass memory making traditions down to my boys.

Lessons from a Half....

On Saturday I ran my first half marathon. I say first because I know realize that my last one did not count. The last one, 4 years ago, was a marathon relay which meant I ran three 4 mile laps (my partner did the extra lap so technically I didn't even run 13.1 miles) in intervals. So I got big breaks in between. This time was the real deal. My girlfriends and I woke at O'dark thirty and were out the door by 5:15am. By the time the race started at 7am it was a balmy 40 degrees with 82% humidity (ie it was FREEZING). Despite never actually running 13.1 straight miles in my entire life I felt good the entire race. I started strong and ran my fastest mile the first mile of the race. I never walked and only stopped to use the bathroom.
Between mile 0 and 12 here are some things I learned:
* I felt a sense of accomplishment at every mile marker.
* There weren't enough porta potties on the race course. I was bummed because I thought, at mile 10, I was going to wet my pants. I raced to a construction porta potty (gross!) only to find it was a false alarm. This one stop cost me valuable time and prevented me from beating my goal. (More on that in a minute)
* There are a dozen hills in Baton Rouge and I ran ALL of them Saturday morning. (read: ouch!)
* I never warmed up despite running so hard/long. The first time I felt warm all day was after soaking in a HOT bath for several minutes once I got home.
* Having complete strangers hold up encouraging signs and yell words of encouragement was a huge motivation!
* Not knowing the course I was running had it's advantages because I didn't know where I'd be running next. It kept me motivated.
* Having so many people present while I ran kept me from walking. I had too much pride to walk. At all.

What I learned mile 12-to the finish line:
* It was the longest mile of my life! (I swear it was 5 miles, not one.)
* Seeing my boys at the finish line, each holding a dozen roses for me, was the highlight of the entire race!

Back to my goal: Every race I've ever done I choose someone, about halfway through, that I want to beat. This race it was a lady who looked to be in my age bracket. But that's not why I wanted to beat her. I wanted to beat her simply because she was annoying. Yes, you read that right. She'd run about a half mile or so at a decent pace. Then she'd get right in front of me, hold up both of her hands in peace signs and then STOP. She'd walk until her watch beeped then she'd do it all over again. She also didn't wear headphones so everyone around her got to listen to her music of choice. I wore headphones but had the volume turned down because it was a open course (meaning cars drove all around us). Every time I was running near her, her music would overpower mine. There's one of these type at every race and it was my goal to beat her. Sadly, my last bathroom stop prevented me from accomplishing this goal and that frustrated me more than anything.
All in all, I am so glad my friends asked me to do this race. It taught me a lot, gave me time for reflection and prayer, and filled me with pride at how well I did. I'm hoping to get the official race results soon because, as of an email that was sent out yesterday, it looks like I finished 5th in my age bracket. But, regardless of standings, I am just happy that I participated and am looking forward (kind of) to the next one!

I.Am.Done!!!!!

Well, 2015 has come and gone. At least for my business. As of an hour ago, all orders have been placed and all sessions have been done and edited. I have a few loose ends to tie up but I will now be getting a decent night's sleep and E won't have to play with his trains and trucks next to me while I spend hours on the computer. Plus, my house will FINALLY get clean, laundry will be caught up and I'll have time to blog. On top of all that I'll be able to enjoy the Christmas season with the boys.
It's been such a sense of accomplishment, to not only get my business up and running solid but to know I've made a name for myself this year. Unfortunately, I got so busy last month that I had to turn potential clients away. "Why turn away business/" you ask. Well, because my family comes first. By the end of last month I didn't know which way was up and I was working 12-14 hour days. One day I only slept 4 hours so I could get everything done. As much as I love my business, I love my family more. And it is important that they know that too. They put up with my craziness for the past month so now it's time to give them my undivided attention.
That doesn't mean I won't be working. I have a few things to finalize with clients and then I'll be prepping for a busy 2016. I'll be doing some business/behind the scenes type things in between being a mom and cleaning the house and running a half marathon and singing in the church choir performance. I was also asked to volunteer my time at P's school, to take pics of the kids sitting on Santa's lap. So, lots of fun things in the works!
But right now I have a (almost) 3 year old that I need to go cuddle......

A Month of Thanksgiving

In years past I have blogged about things I am thankful for during the month of November on a daily basis. This year, although I am still thankful for so much, I have not had the time to blog every day. (I've been working 10-13 hour days lately with my photography business.) So, since I have a couple minutes, I'll tell you 30 things I'm thankful for to cover every day of the month.
1. My God, whom created me and loves me despite my imperfections.
2. My husband, who loves me unconditionally, and encourages me in so many ways.
3. My boys who bring an unlimited amount of joy to my life, who make me laugh every day and who keep me on my toes.
4. My parents who are my biggest support system~ who pray, listen, and love when I need it most.
5. A VERY successfully first year of business!
6. My friends who help me make memories, who call at just the right time to lift my spirits.
7. Modern technology which allows me to see my parents when I miss them most and which also allows me to catch up with friends on social media.
8. My part time teaching job, which allows me flexibility, an easy schedule and some "play" money.
9. My inlaws who love me like their own.
10. Our dogs (I'm thankful for more than the other), who add to our family and love our boys something fierce.
11. Cleaning products, which help clean off the dining room table and walls when my boys try out their artistic ability unsupervised.
12. My 6 year old's compassionate heart, which led to him raising money for a local children's homeless shelter.
13. A healthy body and stamina, which has helped me prepare for a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles) I'll be running the first weekend in December.
14. Our church choir, a place I enjoy going to every Sunday, where I can worship the Lord unabashedly.
15. My clients who go with my crazy ideas even when I say, "I need to find a way to get a piano out by the pond for a session. Let's make it happen."
16. Central heat...and a/c. It's Fall in the South, which means one day the lows are in the 40s and the next day they're in the upper 60s.
17. Food. I often take for granted that we can open the pantry and fridge and grab whatever we want to eat.
18. My religious freedom. In this day and age, people are offended by everything (even a cup!) but I can still worship my Lord without apologizing.
19. My 2 year old's strong willed, funny personality. He keeps me on my toes and argues with me all day long but he sure makes me laugh!
20. My creativity. I'm thankful that I can get an idea in my head and figure out how to execute it.
21. Our Sunday School class and our teacher, who makes Scripture come alive.
22. Our dishwasher. Oh, how I hate to wash dishes and I'm so thankful that I can have a machine do most of it for me!
23. Our credit union. I know this sounds silly but I have never met more friendly bank staff. They always act happy to see me and one teller goes out of his way to say hi to me every time I come to do a transaction.
24. Books. They're my "go to" for relaxation. After a long day it's nice to escape in a chessy romance novel.
25. My oldest's sudden passion for football. I love going to his games and listening to his enthusiastic football commentaries (although I don't know half of what he's talking about).
26. Starbucks. Hands down, my favorite corporate place to visit. They're ridiculously overpriced but it's my one big splurge these days.
27. Our neighbors. They watch out for me and the boys, checking in on us when Rob is working out of town or long hours.
28. Rob's job. He is appreciated at his job and it provides for our family, provides for me to stay home and pursue my dreams.
29. Modern transportation. My boys ask, almost on a daily basis, to get on an airplane to go see my parents. I'm thankful that, when we do visit them, it's only a few hour flight vs a several day train ride.
30. The internet. It makes so many facets of life much easier.

I'm sure these are repeats- or close to them- from years past. But, in an ever changing world, it's nice to know that what I'm thankful for rarely needs to change. I hope that you take time this month to appreciate all you have in life, whether it's big or small. Even the small things can be big at times! Last but not least, I am thankful for YOU, who reads my blog faithfully. Until December.....

More Than Just....

Although I love filling the world (or 5 of you) in on our lives this blog also serves another purpose....a journal of sorts. I print the blog every couple years, making it into a book that I can look back at and reflect. So, tonight, after sitting in front of the computer for almost 5 hours doing photography work, this is more of a personal, intimate entry.
Let me first start off by saying that I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams with how successful my photography business has become!! I've had 4 sessions just this week and 2 were with schools. So please know, if you're reading this, that I am not complaining in the least about my business.
That being said, sometimes I want to tell people, "You know, I'm more than a photographer." Since moving here I've struggled with friendships. Not that I don't have a handful of friends but it's just different than my friends back home. My friends back home know me inside and out...what I like, my talents, my passions, my dislikes, my quirks, my entire personality. I feel like most people here just see me as a photographer. When I talk to someone at church most of the time the conversation turns to photography. I know I'm guilty of making it turn in that direction at times but there are a lot of times that I just want to say, "There is so much more to me." I am honored that people ask me to take their picture, to pay me to do something I love. But I also want people to love being around me because of who I am.
I used to be the one who could make people laugh way back when. Now Rob says I can be uptight and I agree. I've become more of a introvert and crowds can drain me. I used to be the one who was invited to so many things that I had a packed social calendar. Now I'm the one who watches what everyone else has done together via Facebook. I'm the one whose phone was "blowing up" and now when it dings it's usually my mom texting P.
This is not a pity party. This is my life as it currently is. I know who my true friends are, the ones who get me, who want to talk about everything under the sun, who I can make laugh. I am blessed to have those friendships in my life....friends who are like family.
But, sometimes it's nice to go back and read my entries years later and see how I've grown/changed. And that's the purpose this blog serves. So thanks for allowing me to be so personal and I'll get back to my family blogs as soon as business slows down. (Don't expect another blog any time soon...)

Insecurities

The older I get the more secure I become. I know my flaws and weaknesses, but I also know my strengths. I'm also convinced that once you become a parent your insecurities come out in the form of your kids. I see a lot of me in my oldest and sometimes that scares me. Because I know how it is to always ask others to do things but to be the one who doesn't get invited to things. Because I know how it is to try to make someone's birthday special only to have yours forgotten or overlooked. Because I know how it is to listen to someone and then when I start to talk the person talks over me or ends the conversation. A couple weeks ago I was talking to someone and during the entire conversation she was looking at her friend who was standing behind me. I knew that she didn't want to be talking to me, that she'd rather be consoling her crying friend (even though her friend was surrounded by people giving her hugs). I see that same thing happen with P. His friends talking to him but looking around to see if there is someone else to play with. In fact I've seen all the above scenerios take place with P and it makes the "Mama Bear" in me come out. Not because he can't handle the situation himself or because his feelings are hurt but because my insecurities are coming out. I know how it feels and I want to spare him from that pain and/or humiliation. But then I have to take a step back and realize that that's life. He has to learn how to navigate through those situations in life because the way he deals with them may be way better than how I've dealt with it in the past. Despite becoming more secure in who I am I'll always have my securities. What I've learned is that EVERYONE has insecurities, no matter how confident they appear to be. That's life and all the "Mama Bears" in the world aren't going to be able to fix that. So I will sit back, pray and give guidance when needed because that's what parenting is all about....and I'll try to stuff my insecurities back down so they don't rear their ugly head.

Lessons From a Runner

When my friend asked if I wanted to run a 1/2 marathon with her in December I reluctantly agreed. And between you and me the only true reasons I did it is because I knew I'd never make the gym a priority to lose the last of my baby weight that I've carried around for 3 years AND because I wanted to prove to myself that I could run 13.1 miles at 40 years old. Dumb reasons, maybe, but it's gotten me off my butt. So, as race day draws near and my runs get longer, here are some things I've learned...
1. I am NOT a morning runner. I loathe running in the morning. I run about 15-30 secs slower per minute than I do during afternoon/evening runs, which really adds up after a few miles.
2. I love my "ME" time but I do not in any, way, shape or form consider a 1 1/2hr run "ME" time. It is not relaxing to watch out for dogs, cars and weird people. Nor is it relaxing when you're trying to monitor your breathing, worrying about the aches and pains or thinking about how much further you have to run before you can put an end to this madness.
3. Speaking of pain, I am not a pretty runner (nor am I a pretty crier). My runs are not pretty in the beginning because my shins hurt SO bad. So I run like those old lady power walkers. You know the kind that are stiff as a board with arms swinging wildly at their sides? Yeah, that's me. At the end of my run it's not pretty because my face looks like a tomato that's been doused with a bucket of water. Some people are pretty runners. I am not.
4. I can gauge how far I've run without looking at my app. The first 1 1/2 miles cause major shin pain. Once my shins stop hurting and I look like a normal runner I know I've gotten past the first mile and a half. By Mile 4 my left toes have gone numb. Mile 6 is when I want to lay down in the fetal position and go to sleep. At Mile 9 I'm yelling "I've got this. Rocky Balboa has nothing on me." OK, I don't really yell that because then I'd be one of the weird people I keep an eye out for but you get the point. I haven't gotten past 9.5 miles yet but I'm guessing I'll be in tears by Mile 13. Stay tuned for that one.
5. Everyone has their own genre of music that motivates them. When I'm running I want a rated PG Eminem Pandora station. But, since that doesn't exist, I get my groove on to 80s music and the Vanilla Ice Station. You know when I'm listening to a good song because I may have a little dance/run thing going on.
6. Once my run is done I try not to sit down for at least a half hour. My knees, lower back and hips hurt making sitting down painful. I've gone from a 40 yr old to an 80yr old and it ain't pretty!
7. I run better on an open road than on the treadmill. When people are watching me I feel like I have to prove myself so I push myself when I hear a car or see a walker.
8. I feel safer with my pepper spray than our Big Lug. With our dog, I'm worried that he's going to trip me (more because I'm clumsy than because of him). I also worry that he'll attract other dogs and that's what I'm trying to avoid.
9. My boys are my biggest motivators. When I am running around our neighborhood or at the park and they're there I feel invincible. They yell words of encouragement or give me High 5s and I feel like I could run forever.
10. You have to change your eating habits to lose weight, even when you're running 20 miles a week. Single handedly eating a loaf of homemade chocolate chip banana bread still counts as bad, despite a 5 mile run. (Not that I've done that. I'm just giving you an example.)

The biggest lesson I've learned???? I can do it! I start runs thinking that I won't be able to run as far or as fast as last time but every time I prove myself wrong. Despite my aches and pains and head games I complete my goal every week. So bring it Beach Half! I'm ready for ya....I think.

Football Fanatic

I was resigned to the fact that P wasn't going to be our athlete. We had tried soccer, t-ball and basketball all to no avail (He actually liked basketball but it was only a 4 day Summer camp). That is until football. The season started like any other.....he liked the social aspect and the concept of playing the sport but really couldn't excel in catching, throwing or getting in their to pull flags for "tackles". Rob has diligently been practicing with him every day and P now lives, eats and breathes football. Last night I got to witness the fruits of his labor!! He got 2 "tackles", got a pass and was involved in every play. In fact, he was doing so well that he only got pulled out for a couple minutes and he played more than any other player! I was so proud of him, not because he was the star last night, but because he gave it 110% during every play. He has come so far in such a short time and is really becoming quite the football player!!

(These pics were from his first game where he was more of a "cheerleader" than a player. I'll take my camera to another game to get more active pictures.)

Over the Hill

I can remember my mom's surprise 40th birthday party my dad threw her....complete with a "new" car and "Over the Hill" everything. The house was full of all our family friends and I felt like my mom was the oldest lady around (no offense mom!).
But that's before I was 40....with a 2 year old! Now I realize how young 40 really is. I knew I wouldn't have any big parties because my/our friendships here are so much different than back home. But I also knew I wasn't going to have a hard time with this birthday like I did last year. Last October Rob told me we could go anywhere I wanted and I spent most of the weekend crying over it being my last year in my 30's. This year I had a different attitude and we enjoyed a family weekend together. Although we crammed a lot of fun things into the weekend, my 2 favorite things were watching my boys at the zoo and going to the Bass Pro Pyramid. The "Pyramid" was quite by accident because we passed it when we were going over the bridge to Arkansas (I wanted to mark off another state that the boys and I had been to even though we didn't even get out of the car). The store was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and I highly recommend taking a trip to Memphis (even if you live in Europe) just to go to the store. It's the 6th tallest pyramid in the WORLD and Rob paid for the boys and I to go to the top so we could take in the world. OK, maybe just Memphis and Arkansas but it felt like the world. In hindsight I would've changed some of our weekend around so we could've spent several hours there. It was that cool.
I also loved the zoo. Although I'm not a big fan of enclosing wild animals in small habitats, I am a big fan of watching my boys' excitement when seeing the animals. Hands down, the funniest and scariest moment of the entire weekend, is when a mountain lion jumped up out of nowhere and came face to face with E. Thankfully the plexiglass proved solid and the lady behind me didn't have a stroke (although she claimed to pull a back muscle when she jumped and screamed). The entire family's favorite animals were the monkeys. We could've watched them all day, swinging and playing.
While it wasn't a fancy "Over the Hill" birthday, it was a special one. Although it didn't last a week or two like birthdays in the past it lasted long enough for me to feel loved. Turning 40 made me realize that it's not so bad being an old fart and most days I don't feel a day over 39. :)

Fall Blues

For the past 3 years, the first day of Fall has been bittersweet. It's that day where I sigh, "Finally, we'll get some relief from the hot humid weather." But it's also the day where I really start missing home as Fall has always been my favorite time of year. Someone posted something on FB about the book club I was a part of and then I saw that the lows temps will be in the 30s next week and that sent me into a "I miss..." tailspin. As I fell asleep last night here are some of the things I realized I miss:
* My friends and family (of course!!)
* The mountains (preferably when they're snowcapped)
* Wearing my UGGs for months (instead of a few days)
* Not having to deal with allergies
* Hearing the coyotes at night (because it's cool enough to open the windows)
* Craft fairs with my mom
* Being close to Apple Hill
* Road infrastructure
* Open land (Sometimes I feel so claustrophobic here)
* Small town parades
* My parents coming to visit for the weekend so Rob and I can go to a concert or just on a date
* Peg's Eggs
* Seeing large wild life (mustangs, deer, bears), not just snakes, lizards and love bugs
* Not having to use mosquito repellent or check for ticks
* Driving in the snow (Who would've ever thought I'd miss that?)
* Holiday parties with friends

The list is endless and this time of year, as much as I appreciate the cooler temps and the sprinkling of local craft fairs and the influx of my photography business, it takes effort not to slip into a funk. With Rob gone every weekend to deer camp, it gets lonely. And that loneliness leads to homesickness and that leads to a funk. But, alas, this too shall pass and one day I won't have to miss those things anymore!

Grandparents' Day

Although I didn't blog about Grandparents' Day a couple days ago, I promise you that the boys' grandparents were not overlooked. I know people say it's just another Hallmark holiday but I am so thankful for a day to acknowledge my parents and in-laws as awesome grandparents.
They say it takes a village to raise kids and I'm thankful for the village the good Lord has blessed us with. There's not a day that goes by where the boys don't know how loved they are. Each grandparent has their own special way of letting the boys know how much they mean to them.
When the boys go to their grandparents' houses they know fun times are in store....trips to the donut shop, bike rides, swim time, playing at the local parks, fishing, special bonding time, nightly family devotions. Neither of them groan when they're told they get to visit their grandparents and for that I'm thankful. I'm also thankful that the boys are surrounded with prayer as they go through life. That is the most important role as a grandparent, in my opinion.
My parents and in-laws shower the boys with unconditional love. Not too many kids in this day and age can say that their grandparents are an active part of their lives. But my boys can. They are blessed beyond measure and so, on Grandparents' Day and every other day, I am thankful for the 4 people who are our boys' grandparents!

Childlike Faith

Do you ever have those parenting moments where you are so happy with your child that you seriously think you'll burst with pride? Well, that's been the past 24 hours with me. It started yesterday when we were leaving church. Rob had taken E so I went to get P from children's church. In his hand he clutched a beautifully drawn picture that he had made for missionaries who were visiting our church from Ireland. After dropping it off at the missions table, he showed me the postcard he had been given, which told about the missionary family and their ministry. It gave me a great opportunity to share with him about missionaries and their importance in God's kingdom.
When we got home, P proceeded to tell me that he and his friend, Paisley, had gotten into an argument the night before when she and her family had come over for dinner. He told me that they had gotten mad at each other about what to play. Then he said, "But, you know what Mom? We realized it was just the devil trying to get in our heart. So we told the devil to get away and we prayed together. Then we were happy and played again." Talk about a proud mama moment!!!!! I was smiling ear to ear while we talked about the situation and how Satan tries to attack us every day but God is stronger.
Fast forward to last night. As I went to tuck the boys into bed I saw P's missionary card on the dresser. Sadly, I didn't think much about this because he's a "collector" (aka hoarder) and can't throw anything away. But as he kneeled at the side of his bed for his bedtime prayers he grabbed the card and looked intently at the missionaries. He then prayed for each one by name and prayed for their ministry in Ireland, that they would bring more people to the Lord through their work. After his prayers he told me he'd like to be a missionary in the desert, telling cowboys about God.
This morning he was getting his backpack ready for school. He grabbed the missionary card and said he wanted that to be his show n tell item. He wanted to use it to tell the kids about Jesus. My heart about burst with pride!!! We talked about how to witness to others and how to help kids learn about Jesus.
I am not naïve enough to think that he won't face adversity. He goes to a public school where he can shine his Light. But that doesn't mean he won't face the devil in doing so. But, just thinking about how on fire he is for the Lord right now in his young life makes me prouder than any straight A report card that he can bring home. I pray every day that his love for the Lord will grow stronger and that he won't be afraid to stand up for his faith. I love his childlike faith and have learned so much from him in it!

Little Moments

I'm wearing many hats at the moment so to speak: wife, mom, teacher, photographer/small business owner, choir member, marathon trainer. Needless to say, my plate is a little full at the moment. So, when E came up to me and said, "Up peaze Mom." my first thought, sadly enough, was  "I don't have the time to hold you.". But I pushed the thought away and picked him up, sitting down in the recliner to rock him. As he put his little head against my chest, I thought, "I wish I would've grabbed my phone before sitting down so I could return some work emails." Then I stopped. Really stopped. I basked in the moment. Without modern technology in hand or a glaring "To Do" list I held my baby and rocked him. I lived in the moment. I prayed for my baby and his future. I reminisced on how hard it was to conceive him and how thankful I was when he was born. I thanked the Lord for how much he makes me laugh and for the joy he brings to all of us. I even thanked the Lord for the challenges he brings to my life on a daily basis. I rubbed his back, held my hand against his cheek and just enjoyed the cuddles.
I know all the clichés about housework waiting and kids growing up too fast and cherishing the moments. But knowing it in my head and actually following through is completely different. I NEED to enjoy the little moments with my boys more. I need that FOR me and they need that FROM me. I need their comfort as much as they need their security from me. So I won't apologize if I don't answer my phone or can't respond to your email right away. I'm taking time to cherish the little moments with my boys....before they're grown and it's too late.

JenniferJ Photography Website

You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, I feel it took a village to create my business website but it's now 98% done. I just need to tweak a couple small things but for the most part it's done and I'm thrilled. If you have a free minute, please go check it out....
www.jenniferjphotographs.com

My Walking Miracle

Six years ago my thoughts were consumed with whether my son would live or if he'd have brain damage. All because of an illness contracted as a newborn. Now I rarely think about that time. When I do, it's to say a quick "thanks" to God for the miracles He provided in our son's life. Today he asked to go to the library. I was thrilled but asked why he'd want to go to the library on his day off. He said, "Because I love to read and learn new words. I love learning and books help me learn new things like life cycles and plants and community helpers." I almost teared up because it took me back in time to when I worried non-stop, 24/7 whether he'd be okay later in life, whether he'd have significant brain damage. Not only is he okay, but as Rob says, "He's wickedly smart with an imagination beyond his years." By the time we got to the library I was lost in thought, thinking about how blessed we are to have him in our lives. He adds so much compassion, humor, knowledge and creativity to our family. Today alone I think he hugged me about a dozen times and was quick to tell me I'm the best mom in the world because I take him and E on adventures instead of doing work. (After our adventure I did have to do some work though.) I need to thank God more for the miracle both of our boys are in our lives. They both have their own individual stories. They both have their strengths and weaknesses but they sure make my life complete and I am so glad for the blessing they are to so many.

Moody Weather

What is it about the weather that can affect one's mood so much? Without even seeing the forecast, you could probably tell it's been overcast and raining the past few days just by talking to me. I have been unmotivated, grumpy and generally in a blah mood because of the weather. I've heard that you get wiser with age and, while I don't generally agree with that (I've found that the older I get the more I realize I don't know), one thing I have learned is how the weather can affect my mood. While sunshine can make me happy and motivated, humidity makes me downright irritable. Snow has a calming affect on me (unless I'm driving on Hwy 395 during rush hour~ and I use the term "rush hour" loosely) but rain makes me unmotivated and tired. Some wind and cold temperatures on a Bluebird Day make me downright giddy! Yes, there have been many days where I've been happy when it's raining and unmotivated when it's sunny but I still find it weird how something as simple as weather can make a break your mood for the day. Hopefully the sun will come out soon and I'll break out of this funk because my "To Do" list doesn't seem to be getting done on it's own!

Oh, The Guilt

I think the word "mommy" is synonymous with the word "guilt". I've always been a person that has a guilty conscience even when I haven't done anything wrong. But becoming a mom has made it 1000x worse. Truthfully, though, there aren't many moms that don't feel guilty about things. For me, I feel guilty a couple dozen times a day. I feel guilty....
* when I don't play with E every time he asks me to.
* when I take a client phone call when I'm grocery shopping or at the park because then I can't give my client the attention they deserve.
* when I tell E I can't take him to the park because there's too much to do.
* when the house is filthy because I spend too much time playing with the boys.
* when I read a cheesy romance during E's naptime. (But I don't feel guilty taking a nap with him, which I do a couple times a week)
* when I can't arrange my schedule to volunteer in P's class.
* when I answer emails or pay bills during carpool instead of singing songs or telling E stories.
* when P gets elaborate birthdays (including gifts) but E gets overlooked because he was born 5 days after Christmas and~ heaven forbid~ during the rut.
* when we stopped doing nightly devotions with P and haven't started back up.
* when I don't do crafts with the boys.
* when P gets all the new stuff and E gets all the hand me downs.
* when I don't use a teachable moment to teach them a lesson.
* when the boys eat too much processed food and/or sugar.
* when I don't take the time to figure out what E is trying to say.
* when I allow the TV or technology to "babysit" my boys for an hour.
* when I realize that P took swim, gymnastics and soccer lessons by age 3,  and was a part of Gymboree and weekly playgroups but E has never done any formal lessons/classes and rarely has play dates.
* when I don't teach the boys more Bible verses.
* when I do work after the boys are in bed instead of spending time with Rob.
* when I.......

OK, you get the point. I feel a lot of guilt in one day. Although I've bared my soul about my inner mommy guilt I will conclude by saying that, to me anyway, guilt and worry are 2 different things. I don't worry that these things will affect my boys too much ten years down the road (except the Biblical knowledge).  I feel guilty but I don't let it keep me up at night. I know that in Matthew 6 the Lord commands us not to worry and thankfully there are only 4 things I worry about. 1 only directly relates to my oldest and that's about his behavior at school or when I'm not around him. But even these 4 things are not things I stew about on a regular basis.
In closing, I'd like to say that if you are a mom who can relate to the guilt you are not alone. Whether your child is young or old, you'll probably always have some degree of guilt. But, I saw something on Facebook yesterday that I thought held a lot of truth....."Don't compare yourself with other moms. We're all a hot mess. Some just hide it better than others." So don't beat yourself up if you're not winning the "Mom of the Year" award. It's the nature of motherhood and just keep doing the best you can....without feeling guilty about the things you aren't doing. :)

I Am.

Last night, Rob and I were talking about what encompasses us and how it's easy for people to conform to the people they're around. So, while I was scrubbing baseboards and walls this morning it gave me time to reflect on who I am.
First and foremost, I am a child of God....a daughter He created in His likeness. Then I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend. Unfortunately, sometimes I mix up the priorities of each of those roles but I still know that that is who I am.
But I also wear many other hats so to speak. And some day when I die, I don't want people to just say "She was a hard worker." or "She was an honest person." or "She was kind." In fact, I would take that as an insult. I want people to know that there is so much to me that those comments are just a given because they encompass so much more.
I am..... a photographer. A teacher. A crafter. A spot n stalk hunter (not to be mistaken for a tree stand hunter). A runner. A girl who loves ball caps and jeans but can feel just as good in heels and make up. A sports participant but not an athlete. A cuddler. A sappy romantic. A cook, but not a chef. A blogger. A hiker. A person who tries to be PC but is not afraid to tell it like it is. A small business owner. A reader. A busy bee who is trying to learn how to take time for the small things in life. A camper. A nature lover (but not a reptile lover). A communicator.
There is so much more to me than a small blog list. There is depth. There are flaws. There are strengths and weaknesses. Because I am who I am...a person with many interests and responsibilities. I want my life to be looked at as more than just a wife and a mom because sometimes I think it's easy for SAHMs to view themselves that way~only having 2 roles in life. But there is so much more to me and I hope others see that because...I am.

All Good Things....

I'm not ready to say goodbye to Summer. Whereas some moms/dads can't wait for school to start so their kids are busy and/or not at home most of the day, I'll be sad come the first day of school. It's been a great Summer full of adventures!
At the beginning of Summer I bought a huge poster board so P could write out his Summer Bucket List. I'm happy to say that he has checked everything off of it as he says goodbye to Summer and hello to a new school year. Everything has been done from water fights to fishing to bowling to swimming to the zoo to the bounce places to beaches to his birthday to trips out of state and everything in between. I think he only said, "I'm bored" once his entire break. I could post 100 pics and it still wouldn't do our Summer justice but here are just a few to get a taste of the adventures we had.....

Land of the Free

My soapbox is getting dusty so I figured I'd start the week getting up on it. And I'm going to warn you that I'll try to be as PC as possible but I still may offend. Sorry.....not sorry.

When our Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution they created the First Amendment for a reason. They wanted people to be able to express themselves freely. Instead, these days, people are constantly offended by every little thing and our First Amendment is slowly being taken from us....unless you're a liberal. Here's an example: It's ok to stomp on, and burn, the American flag but the Confederate Flag can no longer be flown in many places because it offends people. I understand the history of the flag. I understand how people have used it as a symbol for hate and racism. But I also understand that many soldiers have fought and died for that flag. No matter what my personal views are on the flag, I believe that it's people's right to be able to fly that flag. I do not, believe, however it's ok for people to stomp on and/or burn the American flag without any repercussions. Now that offends me. People are away from their families for months and years on end to fight for my freedom. Hundreds of thousands of people have sacrificed their lives for that flag since the beginning of US history. The American Flag is a symbol of that freedom that they fight so hard for. So it's a real slap in the face to soldiers to see people be so disrespectful toward their hard work and sacrifice. As a photographer, there are so many rules concerning how to use the American Flag that I usually shy away from using it. I could lose my business license if I use the flag incorrectly, in a way that shows disrespect. So why is it ok for others to completely destroy the flag without any consequence?
Another thing that irks me is the gay pride movement that is going on. I know and love some gay people but I don't believe that's the lifestyle God designs for them. That being said, I think it's a sad day in American history when tax dollars are used to light up the White House in rainbow colors to show gay pride. I think it's a "Hollywood move" more than a good political choice. Another thing I don't agree with is that an Oregon bakery was forced to shut down when a Christian couple refused to bake a wedding cake for a lesbian marriage. The couple was offended, sued the bakery for $135k in emotional damage, won the case, forcing the small bakery to go under. Then the Oregon governor told the bakery owners that they were not allowed to speak of their religious beliefs or give their side of the story. WHAT????!!!!!! So let me get this straight....a gay couple can speak freely about gay pride and can sue for emotional damage but Christians get stripped of their First Amendment rights because it offends people? That gets my blood boiling!
Everyone is getting offended about every little thing. Everyone wants a "cause" to fight for. Well, how about fighting for Christ to be put back into the system...the political system, the education system and even the religious system? Churches are even trying to be PC these days because they want attendance numbers more than eternal believer numbers. Pastors shy away from using the Bible too much in sermons because they don't want to be considered "Bible thumpers". In my opinion, we need more "Bible thumpers". Then maybe the Land of the Free won't be so screwed up and people will get their First Amendment rights back. Until then, people will be stripped on their rights and everyone will go on being offended.
*sigh* I've dusted off my soapbox and now it's time to get down from it for a few days. In the meantime, enjoy a beautiful week. (I know I will because I'm in mild temperatures and get to go home for a few days later in the week!!)

Birthday Festivities

I cringe when I see moms write, "When does school start? I can't handle having the kids home all Summer." Whereas I appreciate their honesty, I think "Time is so precious before my boys grow up and move out and then making memories will be completely different. I cherish this time!". I've loved every minute of Summer with P home and I'm dreading the end of his Summer break. In fact, we've had so much fun that I've actually thought about homeschooling him just so we can keep having fun. OK, not really. I'm start enough to know the difference between Summer fun and School Year work. I am also smart enough to know that, even though I am a certified teacher, I would not be a good teacher for him. Our bond is too strong to have it be muddled with school.
At the beginning of his Summer break I bought a huge piece of poster board and we wrote out a Bucket List, things he wanted to do over his break. We have done all but a couple of the little things to date and I told him today that I just can't justify taking him to one of his last places he wants to go to. (Honestly I'm hoping he forgets about the place because it's boring after an hour and overly expensive for what is offered). We have gone to the water park, bowling alley, dollar movies, splash parks, trampoline place, blueberry farm, fishing and to the beach. But with all that I have never spent more than $20 a week for entertainment. I've tried to keep our fun activities on a realistic budget (Although tomorrow I may break that with a trip to a place we've both been wanting to go to for awhile).
Another thing he wanted to do was celebrate his birthday. (What 6 year old doesn't??) I told him he wasn't getting a huge party because we went to Disney World and have a couple other trips planned this Summer. He was okay with that. But, true to form, I like to make birthdays a week long celebration. So this past weekend we went to my in-laws' to start his birthday celebration week off with a bang (literally!). We spent the days in the pool and then we had a HUGE feast complete with birthday cake and presents before going out on a boat to watch fireworks on the lake. It was such a fun weekend! On the way home yesterday I was thinking about how loved our boys are. We have family and friends out West and in the South that just cherish our boys and lavish them with love. I hope they both realize what a blessing that is and that not every child is loved as much as they are!