Character Flaw

Yesterday a friend of mine, Chris, blogged about marriage expectations. He wrote that expectations should be less, not lowered. This got me to thinking about my biggest character flaw. I'm a perfectionist! I expect a lot from me and those around me. Then, when I was dealing with insomnia yet again last night, my thoughts drifted to my own life, my own personality and discovered that, with being a perfectionist, I am selfish instead of selfless. I used to be the opposite. I gave and gave and gave.... until I had nothing left to give. If I only had a dollar to my name I'd give it to someone in need rather than keep it for me. I drove lots of miles to meet up with friends just so it'd be more convenient for them. I called friends regularly, checking in to see how they were doing. Somewhere along the way I lost that. I don't know if it's because I became a mom and give so much to my boys or because I just got tired of giving. If I'm honest I don't think it's because I became a mom because my friends, Julie in Reno, and Marisa in Cali., both have babies and they are some of the most giving people I know (along with Kirsti and Aimee). I also don't think it's because I'm a mom because my mom and mother (in law) both give more than most people combined. When we visit them, they both wait hand and foot on us. I think, "When they come to our house, I'll make sure they don't lift a finger"....and that doesn't happen.
When I hosted our monthly book club last week one of the newer members washed ALL of the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, leaving me little to clean up. I laid awake that night, wondering if I would've done that at someone else's house, especially a lady I didn't know too terribly well. It's things like that that make me realize that I'm more selfish than selfless.
Often I find myself asking people questions and then not listening to their answers. I start focusing on things in my own life. Sometimes I just walk away in the middle of the conversation, not realizing until later what I did.
All that to say, I'm going to focus more on being more selfless and less of a perfectionist. Thanks to Chris's blog, I think that making my expectations less instead of lower is just the trick for me!